Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Death By Asteroid

Something a little different from what you might be used to; I've been writing this kind of thing for awhile, and thought I'd copy one here.....


Taking on the cover for Uncanny X-Force #1, featuring several unlikely mutants....

New York City. The studios of artist Esad Ribic. Several X-Men have come to pose for the artist, who's superimposing them into a skyline of the city on the sketchpad before him. Psylocke, Archangel, Deadpool, Fantomex, and Wolverine are all gathered together, posed, wearing dark black, grey, and blue variants on their costumes. True to form, Wolverine looks angry, or constipated, depending on who's looking at him.

Ribic: Just hold that pose, just a little bit longer, everyone. Almost there...
Psylocke: Why did you call me I here? I don't have much use for Wolverine.
Logan: *thinking* Hey!! Mind your manners! I still have feelings, you know!!
Logan: Blaze McRob is a complete horses' ass! You heard it here first, bub!
Deadpool: Wait. Who's Blaze McRob, and is Logan starting to make sense?
Archangel: That can't be. He hasn't been clobbered on the head as of late.
Deadpool: True, but Logan said bub. He hasn't said that in a long while.
Logan: *thinking* Damn, what's wrong with my brain? Enough already!
Fantomex: I'm just glad to be here. It feels like I was being ignored.
Deadpool: Probably because he doesn't like you.
Fantomex: Who's he?
Deadpool: That guy.
Fantomex: Who?
Deadpool: Him.
Fantomex: Who?
Archangel: Is this one of those Fourth Wall things?
Deadpool: You've got it. See, Domino is right. There's this guy at a computer, typing all of this, and I hate to have to inform you, Fantomexy, but he doesn't have much use for you. He's thinking of having an asteroid come out of the sky right now and hit you. Oh, sure, you're thinking, Deadpool's crazy! There's no such thing! Well, maybe I am crazy, but I know what I'm talking about.
Psylocke: Wilson, you're crazy.
Deadpool: You think so, Betsy?
Psylocke: Yes, I do think so.
Archangel: You're certifiable.
Deadpool: Thank you, Warren.
Fantomex: Wait... what asteroid?
Deadpool: Doesn't mean I'm wrong.
Archangel: Hell, yeah, you're wrong.
Deadpool: Yes, well, as it turns out, the guy out there has other things to worry about. He just wrote the Murder of Elmo. You know, the puppet from Sesame Street? Turns out that Elmo has his fans. And to make things worse, he fingered Grover as the culprit! And Grover's got this woman in his life who's got a muppet fetish! She's ready to kill him for attacking her muppet's reputation!
Archangel: Wade?
Deadpool: Yes....?
Archangel: Shut up.
Deadpool: It's all true!
Psylocke: Wade needs help.
*Fantomex goes out on the balcony.*
Fantomex: Asteroid? What asteroid?
Archangel: Is Doc Samson available?
Logan: *thinking* Who the hell is Blazin' McRob?
Psylocke: I'm not sure. He tends to be real busy.
Deadpool: Fine. I'll remind you that I told you so.
*There's a flash of light and a scream. Everyone looks outside. The balcony and Fantomex are gone. They move to the doors, seeing the balcony ripped off. Twenty floors down, on the ground, is an impact crater, and a fire around a smouldering rock. There's no trace of Fantomex. It's as if he's been disintegrated. No one will miss him.*
Deadpool: See? I told you so! The big guy wanted him dead, and now he's dead. Right about now, I'd expect, he's showing up in Hell and meeting little Elmo.
*Archangel and Psylocke look at each other, and then at Deadpool.*
Psylocke: Maybe there's something to this Fourth Wall business.
Ribic: How am I going to explain this to my insurance company?

1 comment:

  1. I'm surprised. I thought Yvonne would come here, too, whining about how unfair you're being to good old Blaze.

    She does realize this is fiction, doesn't she?


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