Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, May 31, 2014

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Before we get started today, I have some links of interest. Norma posted twice this week, in regards to the notion of associating superheroes and food and about a blogging schedule. The Square Dogs took over as usual yesterday at AngryParsnip's blog. Shelly is celebrating the small things at her blog. And take a look at this cutie pie at Lynn's blog. Also, a reminder that tomorrow is a City Daily Photo theme day. Click on my photoblog icon there at the right if you're not already following me. I'm hip deep in tulip photos at the moment, but doing something different for the theme tomorrow, which is Zest.

Now then, it is time for the cat's point of view once again...

7:10 AM. Waking up in bed. The staff seems to be already out of bed and in the shower. Oh, that just won't do. She's not supposed to get up until I say so.

7:20 AM. Well, hello there, staff. How about you get busy and get me some breakfast?

7:22 AM. Instead of going downstairs and following my orders, the staff seems intent on getting dressed first. I content myself by staring at her. And staring. And staring some more.

She looks at me with a sudden self consciousness about being naked in front of me. Come on, staff, it's nothing I haven't seen before.

7:30 AM. Finally, we're downstairs for breakfast. Get to it, staff, I'm expecting some breakfast.

7:32 AM. The staff disappoints me once again by setting out field rations. Sigh. Staff, do I have to find myself some better staff, or are you going to shape up?

7:33 AM. My disdain for field rations is obvious. I walk away from the kibbles and demand to be let outside.

7:34 AM. The staff lets me out. You had better be here when I get back, is that clear? I don't want to come back to a locked door and you off carousing with your cronies.

7:55 AM. On my rounds. Examining the greens of spring. Thinking of nibbling on grass for some strange reason. Surely it tastes better than field rations.

8:05 AM. I can hear the sound of that annoying dog barking his head off. Isis, tell me, why on earth did you let dogs be created?

8:25 AM. Passing by a pathway in the woods. I see a porcupine coming my way. Okay, back off, give him plenty of space. Don't want any unintended consequences ruining my day.

8:26 AM. The porcupine and I exchange pleasantries. Yes, go on about your business, you'll have no trouble from me.

8:27 AM. The porcupine is once again underway. I carry on with my morning constitutional.

8:37 AM. Coming into the meadow. Hey, there's that porcupine again.

8:41 AM. Oh...wait. It's that annoying dog from down the road. And he's heading right for the porcupine.

Now, this could get interesting....

8:42 AM. Well, now that's what you get for sniffing porcupines. Stop howling like a baby. It's just a few quills in that annoying snout of yours, you stupid dog....

8:43 AM. He whines like a mule! And sure enough, there goes that porcupine. I'd expect maybe that'll teach the dog a lesson not to do that again, but let's face it, this dog isn't the smartest card in the bunch.

8:46 AM. He's still whining and complaining and howling.

This isn't good. I'm actually feeling sorry for the dog.

8:48 AM. The dog wanders off, still whining. Despite myself, I decide to follow.

8:57 AM. Have followed the dog to the home of that other dog. The other dog seems to come across as better behaved and a little smarter than this one. They appear to be conferring on the situation at hand.

Well, this wouldn't have happened in the first place if you had given that porcupine a good deal of space.

9:02 AM. The annoying dog parts ways with the other dog. He's heading for home.

Fortunately I know where he lives.

9:40 AM. Standing sentinel at the property of the annoying dog. His human is engaged in pulling those quills out. The dog is howling like a baby. Oh, come on! Where's your spine?

10:18 AM. Watching the dog and his human leaving the property in that car. If I were a betting cat, I'd say they were going to the vet.

Serves you right, dog.

10:50 AM. Back home. Well, hello there, staff. I'm pleased you didn't go off to that work place or something else while I was away. 

What was that? No, I wasn't up to mischief. I was just watching a dog having a bad morning. 

3:40 PM. Waking up from long nap. Dreamed of finding the Great Catnip Burial Ground.

6:35 PM. Having dinner with staff. She has made up for this morning's breakfast by serving up strips of lamb with a bowl of milk. For some reason she insists on eating vegetables with her meat.

11:40 PM. The staff is off to bed. I'll be up in awhile, so don't even think of closing the door, or I'll meow until you open the door.

I wonder if that annoying dog will learn a lesson from today.

Probably not.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Before we get into things today, some links to see to. Eve wrote a haiku at her blog yesterday. Lorelei has a giveaway going on over at her blog. And Parsnip had Memorial Day thoughts the other day at her blog.

Today we have ourselves the dog taking charge here at the blog (with the cat's point of view next time out). By the end, you might be thinking, poor doggie!

7:40 AM. Waking up suddenly. Did I hear something, or was it just that last moment of a dream?

7:45 AM. Staring outside. Looking for any sign of the malevolent beast that is the annoying squirrel. No sign of the little bastard.

7:50 AM. Good morning, human! Did you wake up suddenly like I did, or was it a more leisurely pace?

A more vital question: have you put any thought into making my breakfast, by chance?

7:55 AM. Wolfing down breakfast. Kibbles are the best!

8:00 AM. Out the door to go on my morning run. See you later, human!

8:17 AM. Barking my head off, running like a lunatic through the back fields.

8: 40 AM. Stopping in my tracks. Saw movement out of the corner of my eye. Hmmm, what's that?

8:41 AM. It's something with spiky needles for fur. I've seen one of these before, haven't I? It's been awhile, though. Is there something about these things I should remember? 

Maybe I'll give it a sniff....

8:42 AM. Ow ouch ouch ow!!!!!!!!!

That hurt!!!

8:43 AM. The critter is just walking away! Hey! All I did was sniff, and you're leaving these needles in my snout???

8:46 AM. Ouch ouch ouch ouch! These things sting! There's never been pain like this! It's cataclysmic! It's catastrophic! 

8:55 AM. Stopping in to confer with Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. He gets one look at me and asks why I didn't give that porcupine a wide berth. I didn't realize what would happen, you know!

9:00 AM. Spike's initial attempts to pull out some of the needles doesn't work. He suggests I go home and ask my human for help with this one.

9:25 AM. Back home. Whining as I walk up to the house. The human's hanging clothes outside to dry on the line. She sees me, pauses, and clicks her tongue in reproach.

Oh, I know that now!

9:35 AM. The human is using a tool to pull out the needles, one by one. I'm trying not to howl in agony each time one comes out. Ow!

9:47 AM. Another needle out. Are we nearly done? Because I might pass out. 

10:14 AM. Finally. The human tells me the needles are all out. Much better, but my poor snout still feels tender...

10:17 AM. My attempt at a nap is thwarted as the human puts a leash on me and takes me to the car. Where are we going?

10:45 AM. The human is stopping the car. Hey, this place looks familiar...

Wait a minute... it's the vet!!!!

Not the vile fiend! Human, is there no end to this horror of a day?

10:48 AM. The human is pulling me into the vet's offices despite my protests. The phrase abandon all hope, ye who enter here comes to mind.

11:05 AM. The vile fiend turns up in the room, and she's already cheerfully greeting my human. Oh, sure, lady, you might talk like that now, but we all know you're a monstrous demon who revels in torture.

11:10 AM. The vile fiend is running an inspection of my snout. I'm so tempted to bite her, but I have no idea if I could get infected by some toxic essence that makes up these vile fiends.

11:12 PM. The vile fiend is finished inspecting me, and gives my human a prescription. Something about a mild painkiller.

11:15 AM. The vile fiend gives me a pat as we leave, saying she hopes to see me again sometime soon. How about never? Is never too soon for you?

12:10 PM. Back home. Settling in. The human makes me a mix of kibble and wet dog food. I wonder if she's trying to hide my medicine in there. Oh well... I'm hungry anyway. Confrontations with vile fiends will have that effect.

11:40 PM. Human heading upstairs for the night. Feeling better. Snout less tender. One thing's for sure, I'm not going to forget to give a porcupine a wide berth in the future. They're even more annoying than skunks!