Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, October 23, 2023

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

 And now it is time for the point of view of the cat. As she is one of the supreme beings of the planet, she deserves all the worship we lowly humans can bestow.

7:05 AM. Waking up at home. Big yawn and a stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of world domination.

7:08 AM. On the back of the couch looking out at the yard. Frost on the ground. Flying lunches out and about pecking at the grass.

If there wasn't a window between us right now....

7:12 AM. Waiting on the staff to get down here. After all, it's time for my breakfast, and preparing that is part of her whole job.

7:19 AM. Come on, staff. I've been awake nearly fifteen minutes and you're still not down here?

7:21 AM. The staff comes downstairs. It's about time, staff, I'm practically starving here. Now then, it's time for you to get serious about providing me with breakfast. Listen carefully, because I don't want to repeat myself....

7:22 AM. ....and honestly, staff, would it kill you to wake up a half hour earlier? I happen to subscribe strongly to the school of thought that a pre-chilled plate creates the optimal dining experience for a good cat's breakfast. Now then, to be clear- no field rations! Are we understood on this matter?

7:24 AM. The staff sets my breakfast down. The plate of chicken and the bowl of milk are much to my approval. However, she persists in putting down a bowl of field rations as well.

Sigh. Oh well. I shall ignore the field rations.

7:26 AM. Finished with my breakfast. The chicken and milk were up to my high standards. I have completely left the field rations alone. One of these days the staff may get the hint.

7:32 AM. Sitting on the back of the couch studying the great outdoors. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the barking of that idiot dog from down the road. He had better not come in this direction...

7:41 AM. The staff is on her way out the door to go to that work place she insists on going to. Oh, well, whatever pays the bills.

Staff! A reminder! We're running low on milk.

7:44 AM. The staff is in the car, now heading out the driveway.

Time to go over my schedule for the day. Which must include naps.

8:02 AM. Watching the Weather Channel. They're predicting quite a snowfall tonight for some parts of the province. Well, not here quite yet. We're not that cold yet. But time will tell.

9:37 AM. Okay, I think a nap is called for now. I've been up for two and a half hours now, after all.

11:48 AM. Waking up suddenly. Dreamed of someone on horseback charging a windmill.

Was there something in that last batch of catnip?

12:02 PM. Feeling hungry. Think I'll go to the kitchen and see what's what.

12:04 PM. Oh, right. The only food out in the open is that bowl of field rations.

Oh well, things being as they are, I don't have much of a choice, do I?

12:07 PM. Will have to have a stern discussion with the staff when she gets home about not buying any more field rations.

1:30 PM. Distant barking from down the road. It's the mailman, of course. The idiot mutt has never understood that the guy's just doing his job.

2:16 PM. Have completed my rounds of the house. I believe a nap is called for.

5:12 PM. Woken up by the sound of a car door closing. Sitting up.

The staff comes in the front door.

Did you remember the milk?

5:21 PM. Su-purr-vising the staff as she puts away some groceries. I see the milk has been purchased. Very good, staff, very good indeed.

6:30 PM. Dinner with the staff. Bacon and apple pancakes. She's cut up a plate for me with nice bite sized pieces. I approve, staff.

8:45 PM. Pondering some of life's great mysteries. Can dogs and cats ever get along?

11:31 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff, and sleep well. Keep the bedroom door open.

I have the right, after all, to walk all over you at four in the morning and launch attacks on your toes.