Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Sunday, March 31, 2024

All Hail The Mad Easter Bunny

It is Easter. Of course, I can't let the occasion pass by without an image blog. Enjoy! 

And stop eating your kids' Easter chocolate. 

Monday, March 25, 2024

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And so it is time for the cat to have her say. As she is a supreme being of the world, she always demands to have the last word in these things.

7:06 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Dreamed of watching a swift river and seeing a skateboarder fall into it. How amusing.

7:09 AM. An examination of the exterior via the back of the couch. Some flying lunches out there. They say this is spring, but the days have still been cool. Well, to be fair, this is Canada.

7:12 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. This is one of those things that I can't do myself, after all. And anyway, serving me is her purpose in life.

7:18 AM. Come on, staff, I know you're awake. How long does it take you to get ready for the day anyway?

7:23 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff. Are you aware that I've been up for a whole seventeen minutes, and haven't had breakfast yet?

7:25 AM. Impatiently watching the staff as she prepares my breakfast.I sigh with dismay as I hear the all too familiar sound of field rations being poured into a bowl.

7:26 AM. The staff sets my breakfast down on the floor. I very much approve of the bowl of milk and plate of chicken. I disapprove of the bowl of field rations. Oh well, these things happen.

7:28 AM. I have finished breakfast. Ignoring the field rations entirely. Leaving the staff to have her breakfast in peace. 

7:32 AM. Watching things outside from the back of the couch. Somewhere off in the distance, that foul hound is barking his head off.

7:45 AM. The staff is heading off to that work place she goes to the better part of the week.

Staff? Remember to buy some milk and catnip.

7:47 AM. Watching as the staff drives out of the driveway in the car. Okay then, what's on the schedule for today? Aside from naps.

8:02 AM. Watching the Weather Channel. Forecast says it's still going to be cool for a few days, through the Easter weekend. The forecaster actually holds a straight face while saying the Easter Bunny might be dealing with snow.

Come on. There's no such thing as an Easter Bunny.

8:28 AM. Okay, then, I've been awake sufficiently long now. Time for a well deserved nap.

10:45 AM. Waking up. Another good sleep. You can never have too many naps, if you ask me, and you are asking me.

10:47 AM. An examination of the kitchen reminds me that the only food out in the open is that bowl of field rations.

So hungry....

Oh, well. I'll have to make do with that.

12:03 PM. The noon news has led off with a story about a skateboarder drowning in the Niagara River while doing a stunt. 

Hey, wait a minute.... isn't that what I dreamed of?

Am I psychic? 

Quick! Envision that idiot dog getting skunked and it might happen!

1:31 PM. Woken up out of a perfectly good nap by the sound of that foul mutt from down the road barking his bloody head off. Mailman must be doing the rounds.

1:34 PM. Watching out a window as the mailman drops some stuff off at our mailbox. Well, my mailbox, since I own the staff and the property, but really, the mail all goes to her anyway.

I wonder why that dog can't just accept that you're only doing your job.

Of course. He's an idiot.

4:58 PM. Woke up from another nap. Sound of the car door closing. Sitting up and taking a stretch. The staff must be home.

5:00 PM. The staff comes in with grocery bags. Good afternoon, staff. Long day?

5:10 PM. Su-purr-vising the staff while she puts groceries away. More milk. Yes, very good, staff, very good indeed.

5:30 PM. The staff is busy making dinner. Ground beef is involved. This I approve of.

6:27 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's made herself potatoes and carrots to go with her meat loaf. She's cut up some slices of meat loaf for me, which I am now occupied in eating.

Very good, staff, very good indeed.

11:41 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. Sleep well. 

Keep the door open. I'm scheduling zoomies for four in the morning.

Monday, March 18, 2024

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 Once more, it is time for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog must have the first say in everything, what with his attention span being so short.

7:01 AM. Waking up. Yawn and a big stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of chasing squirrels.

7:03 AM. A look outside. Still feeling out of sorts because of that daylight saving time thing. I don't know why humans feel like they have to change clocks twice a year. It puts everyone out of balance and feeling grumpy. I mean, it still feels like it should be an hour earlier.

7:08 AM. Waiting patiently for the human to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. After all, I lack the opposable thumbs to open cabinet doors.

7:19 AM. The human comes downstairs. I begin to thump my tail against the floor in greetings. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn't it? The sort of day that makes you want to get out there and get going. But first things first. How about breakfast? It is my favourite meal of the day, in a four way tie with lunch, snacks, and supper.

7:21 AM. The human is pouring a big bowl of kibbles for me. 

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.....

7:22 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast within three seconds of my all time fastest time.

7:26 AM. Making inquiries with the human as to if she'll let me out for a run.

7:27 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:30 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, as happy as I can be. Spring is here. Oh, sure, we might still get snowfalls, because let's face it, this is Canada. But the point is, this is a time of year of mud and splashing around in the creek and having fun.

7:42 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:43 AM. After customary doggie greetings, Spike and I discuss matters of the highest importance. When the skunks might be out and about on a regular basis. What the mailman is up to. Where the squirrels will strike next.

7:47 AM. Spike reminds me that Easter thing is coming up pretty soon. Right, right. I hope my human doesn't have any of her idiot relations over. Those nephews and nieces like to pull tails.

7:51 AM. Parting ways with Spike. Try to stay out of trouble!

8:02 AM. Making my way home through the woods. Coming across the creek. The water looks inviting. Like it wants me to splash in it.

Oh, why not? Seize the day and all that.

8:05 AM. Having a ball splashing about, enjoying the nice cold water. This is living!

8:14 AM. Out of the creek and having a good shake of the fur. Time to get home.

8:23 AM. Returning home. Barking to let the human know I'm back. Human! It is I, Loki! Chewer of Slippers and Annoyer of Mailmen!

8:24 AM. The human intercepts me before I can get inside. Come on, human, it's just a little bit of mud....

8:29 AM. Protesting in vain as the human gives me a washdown. Come on, human, I already had a bath this morning!

8:36 AM. After a brisk scrubbing via the Towel of Torment, the human finally relents and lets me inside.

12:10 PM. Lunch with the human. Is there anything as good as a ham and cheese sandwich?

1:31 PM. Barking from the window as the mailman drives off after dropping a couple of things off at the mailbox. The human reminds me that the mailman is just doing his job. I don't know, human. He's evil. Dogs just know these things.

6:25 PM. Dinner with the human. She's made spaghetti and meatballs for herself. For me, just the meatballs, no sauce or spaghetti. She still remembers The Incident.

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Never fear, I'll protect the house against any all threats, because I'm a good dog. A very good dog.

Who happens to like splashing about in creeks.