The First Lady ATM Scammer

Sigh. You would think they would wise up that we're onto them. You would think that they would stop their current line of work to find an honest line of work. But no. They won't stop, because this is all they know how to do. They infest our emails with scams that are too good to be true. They send random comments to our blogs to promote themselves. I speak, of course, of homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, the lowly subset of human beings we call the internet scammer and spammer. The following line of garbage was sent to my email recently.

It might interest you to know today that we have completed Investigation in the ATM visa card worth us$10.5 million in your name
With Bank of America in New York today and you are hereby approved to receive the Visa Card as assigned to dr. rafiq bengali at fdx courier company as we have Verified the entire transaction to be safe and 100% risk free by the United State of America federal government and white house representatives. If you receive this email in your spam/junk folder mail then move it to your inbox mail before responding to me so I will be able to receive your email.

This message is coming to you from Mrs. Melania Trump. I am writing to inform you about your Bank ATM CARD and your 2025 Rolls Royce Cullinan brought by the white House Washington DC agency and has been mandated to be delivered to your address as soon as you get back to me with your below information.

1. Your full name:=======
3. Your country:=========
4. Your home address:====
2. Your telephone no:====
5. Your nearest airport:==
Your ATM contains the sum of $10.5 million USD.

Send a direct email to me on my private email which is (.....) or reply directly to this email you received.

I will be waiting to hear from you with your full information immediately you receive this good news, thanks and God bless you. Remember to move this message to your inbox mail before you can respond to my email so I can be able to receive your email

Remain Blessed,
Yours faithfully
Her. Excellency Mrs. Melania Trump.

Okay then. First of all, I should mention that the originating email (which is probably the first in a long line of email addresses) had an ip code address for a university in India. There's your first red flag that something about this is horribly wrong.

Second, they are claiming that this is coming from Melania Trump. The First Lady. Also known as the First Lady to pose nude in soft-porn pics with other women, the First Lady who plagiarizes, the First Lady who really doesn't want the job. 

The First Lady who supposedly speaks multiple languages, but for all intents and purposes can't demonstrate that. The First Lady who doesn't read or have any noted cause. Oh, sure. While I admit she's from a family of grifters, this isn't her. This is your typical internet scammer who foists onto a name, tells a story, and misspells things, or capitalizes words (and by extension doesn't capitalize words)- the hallmark of the internet scammer. Just that this time, they decided to make use of the name of the current First Lady, whose work experience consists of soft porn and ignoring actually carrying out any duties of the position she's found herself in.

So we're supposed to believe that this First Lady is spending her time with ATM Visa scams, which is one of those standard scams usually run by someone passing themselves off as a banker. Oh, right. And for good measure she signs herself off as "Her Excellency Mrs. Melania Trump." I get it, MAGA thinks Trump is King, but he's not, and "Excellency" is not a title used either for Dementia Donald or She Who Avoids Her Husband. 

Come on, how stupid do you think we are? I have to stop asking that question, because unfortunately there are a lot of stupid people around, and they keep lowering the bar. I can only speak for myself, that I know better, having had seen too many of these scam emails. But those to whom it might be directed to- the drooling masses of MAGA, for instance- might be dumb enough to believe it. After all, they believe just about anything they're told by their orange master... or Fox News.

To the person who really sent this email, I want you to go watch the First Lady's "documentary." In the same setting as below. And see how long you last.

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

As is always the case, the cat must get the last word in on these things, what with being a supreme being walking the earth.

7:00 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Dreamed of vast fields of catnip.

7:02 AM. An examination of the exterior from the back of the couch. Some flying lunches pecking around in the grass. If it wasn't for this glass, I'd be hunting you right now...

7:09 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs. Come on, staff, I don't have all day. I've got things that need to get done. 

7:18 AM. The staff finally gets downstairs. It's about time, staff. Are you aware I've already been up nearly twenty minutes and have thus far been deprived of food?

7:20 AM. Articulating my wishes for breakfast to the staff. I must be very precise with her, after all. She keeps giving me field rations despite my many protests that they are not to my liking.

7:22 AM. The staff puts my breakfast down for me. The plate of chicken and the bowl of milk are welcome. However, she has also put down a bowl of field rations. 

7:24 AM. I have finished with the chicken and the milk. I am entirely ignoring the field rations, and will leave the staff to have her breakfast in peace and quiet.

7:34 AM. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the barking of that idiot mutt from down the road. I don't understand the purpose of dogs. I'm just saying.

7:40 AM. The staff is heading out the front door to go to that work place she insists on being in most of the week. Very well, staff. Remember, we're running low on milk.

7:42 AM. The staff drives out to the road in her car. Well, techically speaking it's my car, since I own this house and everything in it, including the staff.

8:01 AM. Watching the Weather Network. Possibility of storms this evening. I can live with that.

8:20 AM. Okay, I think that a nap is in order.

11:23 AM. Waking up feeling well rested. And a bit hungry.

11:25 AM. An examination of the kitchen has determined that the only food out in the open is that bowl of field rations.

Oh well. What must be done, must be done.

1:30 PM. Down the road, I can hear the barking of that foul mutt. The mailman must be making deliveries.

What is it with dogs and mailmen?

2:10 PM. Zoomies from basement to second floor.

4:48 PM. Woken from second nap by staff opening the front door.

5:03 PM. Supervising the staff as she unpacks some groceries. Ah, yes. The milk. Very good, staff.

6:27 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's cut up some meatloaf for me into bite sized pieces, which I much appreciate. She insists on having broccoli with hers for some reason.

6:54 PM. Leaving my staff to do the dishes. After all, you know how cats feel about water.

8:23 PM. Lying in the living room, pondering the mysteries of existence. Did the ball of string come before the cat?

11:38 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. Sleep well.

11:59 PM. Lightning and thunder outside. I have come upstairs to safe guard my staff and am engaged in making biscuits on the blankets at present.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 It is time, once again, for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, I start with the dog, who gets so easily distracted all the time.

07:03 AM. Waking up. Big stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of chasing squirrels.

07:05 AM. Checking outside. No sign of squirrels. More's the pity.

07:09 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs. After all, breakfast won't see to itself, and I lack opposable thumbs.

07:20 AM. The human finally comes downstairs. I thump my tail furiously on the floor in greetings. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn't it? Say, have you put any thought into my breakfast?

7:22 AM. Watching the human pour me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:23 AM. Have polished off the kibbles, two seconds short of my all time fastest record.

That was good.

7:26 AM. Making inquiries with the human about getting out for a run.

7:27 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:36 AM. Running through the back fields, as happy as I can be. Life is good!

7:51 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:53 AM. After the customary doggie greetings, Spike and I discuss matters of the greatest significance. The consistency of kibble. What the squirrels are up to. And does it involve a secret alliance with the mailman.

8:00 AM. Parting ways with Spike, who assures me he'll keep an eye out for that awful mailman.

8:20 AM. Splashing through the creek in the woods. Nice and cool.

8:35 AM. Barking to let the human know I've returned. Human! It is I, Loki! Annoyer of Mailmen and Chewer of Slippers!

8:36 AM. The human intercepts me from getting inside and applies the Towel of Torment. Human! I'm only a little wet. And there is no such thing as wet dog smell.

10:35 AM. Mooching a cookie off the human while she has her morning coffee break.

12:21 PM. Mooching a ham and cheese sandwich from the human.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he stops at the mailbox and drops off stuff. Get lost, you fiend!!!!

3:14 PM. The human is having afternoon tea. I have scarfed a cookie from her.

4:00 PM. Watching the Weather Channel. Possibility of thunderstorms tonight.

Uh oh....

6:25 PM. The human has made bacon pancakes for dinner tonight. I have a plate set aside for me.

Yummy!

8:47 PM. Pondering life's great mysteries. How much is that doggie in the window?

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human. Sleep well.

11:58 PM. A sudden bolt of lightning and thunder outside. I respond by running like hell upstairs and hiding under the human's bed where it's safe. 

Any idea when the thunder will end?