A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 It is once again time for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, we start with the dog, who gets so easily distracted, after all.

6:54 AM. Waking up. Big stretch. Light outside. The days start so early these days, don't they? And here I am already behind in my to-do list. Top of the list? Breakfast.

7:00 AM. Looking outside. Birds busy pecking around at the ground for no reason. 

7:12 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs. After all, I can't get my breakfast sorted on my own.

7:20 AM. Thumping my tail furiously on the floor as the human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Great day, isn't it? Say, any thought to getting breakfast together yet? Just saying...

7:22 AM. The human is pouring me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:23 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast in near-record speed time.

That was good.

7:29 AM. Making inquiries with the human about letting me go out and have a run.

7:31 AM. The human lets me out for a run. Bye, human!

7:38 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Life is good!

7:52 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:54 AM. After the customary doggie greetings, Spike and I discuss the latest issues of concern. The velocity required to catch the mailman.What the squirrels are up to.

8:00 AM. Spike notes that we'll have thunderstorms in the night. Oh, brother, Spike. I don't like those one bit.

8:05 AM. Spike and I part ways after he assures me he'll keep me up to date on the arrival of the mailman this afternoon.

8:29 AM. Returning home, barking to let the human know I've returned.

10:30 AM. The human is having coffee. I have persuaded her to give me a cookie.

12:16 PM. Lunch with the human. I scarf down a ham and cheese sandwich.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he drops some stuff off at the mailbox before driving away.

3:27 PM. Awake from an afternoon nap just in time to persuade the human to give me a cookie while she has tea.

6:35 PM. Dinner with the human. Pancakes tonight, which she has cut up into bite sized chunks for me.

8:10 PM. Lying on the couch when the world erupts with lightning and thunder outside. My response is to high tail it and run into the basement.

9:39 PM. Pacing around the basement. The storm continues outside. 

Why does thunder have to be so loud?

10:15 PM. The human comes downstairs to tell me that the storm has passed.

Human? I don't like thunder. Just so you know.

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human. But please, keep the door open. If we get more storms in the night, I'm hiding under your bed.

I Do Not Like Green Eggs And Spam

 

If they're not trying to scam you with get rich quick schemes from Cancer Widows, Unscrupulous Bankers, Former Cabinet Ministers, and Beloved Former Tyrants (yes, the capitalization is intentional), they do the other route and spam you with crap you don't need in your email or your blog comments. I've been getting a lot of spam lately in one of my email accounts, to the point where I wonder if blocking them means they're actually blocked, because I swear, I keep seeing the same emails coming up. Or there's this bit of nonsense, which tried to get posted in a post on the Easter Bunny of all things.

The Rothschild family is a wealthy Ashkenazi Jewish family originally from Frankfurt that rose to prominence with Mayer Amschel Rothschild (1744–1812).

TIME TO SEE THE LIGHT IS NOW!!!
Don't lose this life opportunity. 
Join ILLUMINATI and achieve
WEALTH, FAME AND POWERS.
Remember you are human for a purpose therefore serve goodness and strive for the benefit of your species and you'll be rewarded for your stewardship, and gain financial freedom today.

And that crap was followed by a series of links that I did not copy and paste, as I'd rather not give them any site traffic, but which featured discussions like joining the illuminati, the Moldova illuminati, and the Romanian illuminati. Because going down that particular rabbit hole sounds like a swell idea. It's really not.

There is no Illuminati. There once was, but there's not anymore, as much as the conspiracy theorists would like you to believe. The Freemasons exist, but then again, they're weirdos. And the Rothschilds exist, but then again, their patriarch is the model for Monty Burns.

No, the Illuminati in this case is nothing more than an attempt to get some poor sucker actually believing it's a good idea to click on those links. At which time, someone at the far end of a long line of nonsense emails starts data mining you and trying to figure out a way to get into your bank account.

And peddling in conspiracy theories is their game, which means there's no shortage of rubes out there in the world willing to believe it.

This is somewhat less annoying than other conspiracy theories. I may not see this spammer for years. Considerably worse would be the flat earth brigade, who scream bloody murder every single time there's a story about space that the world is flat because, well, they said so. It never fails. Despite the mountain of evidence that speaks to a globe. Still, it is annoying, and to them I would say this. 

Do us all a favour and get fitted for cement shoes.

All Hail The Dying Cancer Scammer

They are the horde of the utterly damned. They never give up, never give in, never take a hint, and never go away. They will send us random emails and post things in our blogs that have nothing to do with the subject, but are meant to draw attention their way. They tell us sob stories and get rich quick scenarios that sound too good to be true- because they are nothing more than lies. They are homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammers. The following came through my email recently, from someone claiming to be dying of cancer.

Dear Beloved,

I am Fabio Antonio, A Portuguese national, I was browsing and I saw your email, So i decided to write to you if your email is real, I have been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment , and right now I have only about a few months to live. I am very rich, but was never generous; I have given most of my assets to my immediate family members.

I have decided to give alms to charity organizations. I cannot do this myself anymore because of my health. I once asked members of my family to give some money to charity organizations, they refused and kept the money. I have a huge cash deposit of Eighteen Million dollars with a security firm in America. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatch it to charity organizations. You will take out 30% of these funds for your assistance.

I would like you to acknowledge the receipt of this e-mail as soon as possible and treat it with absolute confidentiality and sincerity.

Nice fake name, by the way, Fabio. Because when I think of that name, I think of a Eurotrash male model with little brains and long hair who ended up in many adds and on many romance novel covers back in the way, before he took a seagull to the face during a roller coaster ride, and was never heard from again. 

You know. This guy.

In the spirit of the Cancer Widow, who is still alive and sending the same email about having a handful of months to live after a decade or so, Fabio here claims he has cancer. Not just cancer, but cancer that has "defiled all forms of medical treatment." Okay then. Defiled. Yeah, that tracks with the bad English of your usual internet scammer.

He spins the story of wanting to give his remaining fortune to charity, promising thirty percent of it to me for helping him. Right. Because that's believable. Because a guy who was actually this wealthy wouldn't have an accountant or lawyer who could do it for him.

But of course he's not this wealthy. Nor is he dying. Nor is he Portuguese. He's an internet scammer somewhere out in the dark corners of the web, sending this email out to random people. Hell, he could be the same one sending out the classic Cancer Widow storyline, and just took it in a different direction. And for the one person out of half a million who might fall for it, they'll learn better when they pay a few thousand dollars in an 'administration charge' and never hear from him again. But by then it'll be too late, because he'll be onto his next scam.

Nice try, ace. Really. But I know better.

What we need to do is take you out to this place.... and push you off the side.

The Canadian Law Firm Scammer

They are a plague, in some respects worse than the Ebola virus. They never give up. They know not what else to do with their lives. They spend hours infesting our emails and our posts with random crap, hoping for some attention at best and for our banking passwords at really best. They are the vile lot we call homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, that horde otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following recently turned up in my email.

Goodday,

I’m Clever Wilson, a partner at the law firm Clever & Young  LLP  based in Canada.

I hope this message finds you well. I’m reaching out regarding a matter involving unclaimed assets associated with a former client of our firm.

The matter involves an unclaimed life insurance policy with a balance of $ 9,850,000.00 USD. The policyholder, our late client Mr. Robert, was involved in real estate and mineral trading.

He passed away approximately five years ago, and despite thorough efforts, no direct family members or beneficiaries have been identified to claim the policy.
 
My intention is for a portion of the funds to be directed toward charitable causes, with the remaining balance to be equitably distributed between us.

 All required documentation is available to support and facilitate the process in a secure and professional manner. Once your confirmation is received, I will provide the relevant materials needed to proceed. 

Please note that this process may take approximately 21 business days and will be handled with the utmost confidentiality.

I would appreciate your prompt response to this matter  

Thanks & best regards,

Clever & Young  LLP

Toronto, Canada

So they're claiming to be Canadian this time. I should be offended. And yet of course when they get down to it and mention the amount of money involved, they use American dollars. They use the name of a law firm that doesn't actually exist, passing off the usual story about a dead client who left behind a fortune in a life insurance policy. A client without heirs. And they suggest breaking that money up, with some money going to charitable causes and the rest being broken up between themselves and, well.... me.

Oh, sure. I believe that.

What kind of lawyer, after all, will give away money, let alone a portion to charity? There's a reason people hate lawyers (well, many reasons), and we wouldn't put it past them to steal the whole lot. If this scenario was real, which it is not. Because there is no such law firm, and no dead client, and the only money involved is that 'administrative fee' that some poor sucker will pay out, believing this crap. And whoever this is, they're not Canadians. No, they're at the far end of a line of emails probably leading to eastern Europe or Africa, hoping you're dumb enough to buy this.

Listen, mate, to bring things full circle. I mentioned in my opening about you being a plague, and compared you to Ebola. It is in that spirit that I say this. In an ideal world, you should come down with this nasty little fellow.

The Cabal Of Rank Incompetence

There is an old saying- may you live in interesting times. Both a blessing and a curse. I refer, of course, to the current situation south of the border. While I at least try to keep politics out of here, for once I'll make an exception and let the memes do the talking for me.