Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, June 5, 2023

The Unreliable Sweden Scammer

 

They are a plague upon the universe. A pestilence that proves to be more irritating and everlasting than the plagues of Egypt. I speak of course of the vile lot we refer to as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus. That repugnant subspecies of human that can only make a living with endless spam and scams, sent in random emails and random comments on our posts and other places across the web. How did these people operate before the internet? Random phone calls? And before that, random telegrams? And before that, random mail?

They never take a hint and just go away. No, they persist in their nonsense. Such as the following, which found its way into my email a few days back.


Attention Box Beneficiary,The Swedish Maritime Administration (Swedish:Sjцfartsverket)/Task Force wishes to notify you that we have busted and impounded an American ship for illegal maritime practices, the incident took place here at the Swedish maritime administration border with russia.On board we have discovered over 10,000 consignment boxes among which two were found to carry your name as it aim to be deliver to the Ukrainian government to aid their Russian war, please kindly Authenticate yourself with a copy of passport, Drivers license and utility bill, also your phone and home address so we can direct you on the requirement for clearance and  delivery.Regards,Magnus AndersonMarine Pilot & Managing directorAnderson Maritime Consulting AB


Well then, where to begin? For starters, the responding email was not listed to one Magnus Anderson, which of course is a huge red flag where these things are concerned. It's just the first in a long line of emails addresses leading back to the semi-literate spammer who sent this. 

There is a Magnus Anderson, and an Anderson Maritime Consulting in Sweden. You wonder how he feels about having his name co-opted in a scam email. Because that's precisely what this is. There are some of the usual tell-tales. The email that's overly formal but doesn't read as if it's written by someone with a command of the English language. Punctuation, capitalization of the wrong words.... the usual hallmarks.


And from a glance at the real Magnus Anderson's bona fides, Swedish or not, that guy would be fluent in English. He'd know well enough how to write an email that doesn't set off scammer alarm bells. But then he wouldn't be sending an email like this. Because he's too damned busy to be sending random emails to people.

No, this scammer hiding behind his name tells us a story about how the Swedes have impounded an American ship for "illegal maritime practices", and how among 10 000 consignment boxes there are a couple of them with my name on them. This is made more complicated by the suggestion that they were bound for the Ukraine to help in the war against Russia (see, scammer? It's not that hard to capitalize a country name).


This is fascinating to me. Because when I read that these were bound for the Ukraine to help in their war against the Russkies, I'm thinking weapons. And that baffles me, because I wasn't aware that I'm an arms dealer. But according to this scammer, two of those boxes came from me.

First it's a line of bull. There are no ten thousand boxes, there's just a story that's going to inevitably wind up in this scammer hoping I'll send a few thousand dollars along as a processing fee to allow these totally non-existent arms to be sent forward.

And second, while they're not trotting out money, they are now resorting to a different aspect of the internet scammer modus operandi: using the Ukraine-Russian war as their source material.


Now I'll cheerfully admit I'm on the side of the Ukraine in this whole thing. That petty little man in the Kremlin (emphasis on little), bent on getting even with the world, insists on making things worse for himself by carrying on a war that's not gone his way from the start. What that petty little man deserves is two rounds in the back of the head courtesy of anyone in his country with nothing to lose and an opportunity. but that's beside the point.

Because handing over copies of your passport, license, utility bills, etc. to a complete stranger online is a way to put yourself on the fast track to identity theft, loss of your savings, and things even less pleasant. And that's what would happen.


Nice try. Really, points for creativity. Plus let's face it, this is just the beginning. Soon we'll see the  emails coming from Cancer Widow of a former minister/ politician/ general of either side of the Ukraine conflict, flooding our junk email. Because that's what spammers do- take a real tragedy and try to exploit it. Assuming they can find someone gullible enough among the half million random email addresses they send such things to who'll actually believe the con.

In an ideal world, whoever you really are (because you're not Magnus Anderson), you'd get what you'd have coming to you. An encounter with an angry Kraken.

But unfortunately Krakens are fictional.

Monday, May 29, 2023

Spellcasting Spammers, Begone!

 They never do give up, no matter how many times you delete their comments, or even prevent them from being published in the first place by the spam filters catching them. They never take a hint, no matter how many times you insult, belittle, or degrade them. I should know, considering how often I do berate them. I speak of course of that verminous scum of filth and treachery otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus. The internet spammers and scammers who infest our blogs and email junk folders with comments that have nothing to do with the subject, or vile nonsense such as the following, which ended up as a reply to a previous post about spammers, flagged as spam, and deleted permanently.


SEEING IS BELIEVING'' The most powerful international Spiritual healer or spell caster, LICENSED from Africa šŸŒ. That helped me get pregnant, you can also witness the real spiritual powers yourself if you need help in getting your ex lover back through his email address. Dr Boadi is a gifted powerful herbalist practitioner, fortune teller, marriage consultant and a psychic using his natural power to help people. Dr Boadi has been registered with international traditional healers since 1970 with more than 42 years of experience. He works on different spell cast services,
he is an international powerful spiritual healer who can help every one all over the world regardless of location, color or race. 'Results are %100 Guaranteed and will vary from person to person' No matter what problems other healers failed to achieve, the manner in which he helped me can't make me stop talking about him, my marriage was almost gone cause i could not give birth but through the powerful help of Dr Boadi (a man that understand the pains everyone's feels) i was able to get pregnant and i deliver safely a bouncing boy, if you need help contact him now through his email

I'm Jacqueline Holt
From united states


Me again. Okay, where do we start with this pile of garbage? Well, to begin, from previous experience, just posting this guarantees that the spell casting spam comments will infest this post for a little while. I've seen that before, and no doubt it'll recur once again when this gets posted, with an incessant spam comment very similar to the above.

This nitwit claims the virtues of spellcaster Dr Boadi (no period after Dr, because spelling and punctuation are things that are not terribly relevant to spammers). I ask where Boadi's doctorate comes from, and suspect it's from a non-accredited institution headed by the one and the same Boadi. 


Small aside- there's a jackass in my city who heads an organization that does nothing at all but hype himself, with a staff consisting of himself, and he's given himself a doctorate from his own organization, all while claiming to be a celebrated genius, lawyer, doctor, and consultant to heads of state. None of which are true; his actual occupation is owning two rundown homes he rents out, and the only mentions of him online from anyone but him are warnings from people who have rented from him that he's certifiably insane.


Carrying on though. This idiot trots out the usual spellcaster spam story of losing their lover while endorsing the fake doc Boadi as a genius miracle worker, psychic, and all around great guy who'll get you what you want (omitting the part about giving over free access to your bank account, because let's face it, at some point early on that's going to be happening). 

This nitwit says results are "%100 Guaranteed and will vary from person to person." Wait a minute. First, the percentage sign goes behind the number. Second, if it's guaranteed (it's not, because this is all a scam), then results can't vary. Your wildest dreams will happen if you trust this witch doctor (they won't, and don't make the mistake of trusting this witch doctor, because they're a scam artist).


Nice try, numbskull. First, I don't believe in psychics or fortune tellers. Second, the same applies to faith healers and spell casters. Because it's a scam, pure and simple. These are written by the scammers themselves, with nothing to do but post the exact same comment at hundreds or thousands of blogs in the hopes that someone's dumb enough to bite.

In reality, even if such a comment makes it past the spam filters of a blog, the watchful blogger will quickly send it to spam, and then delete it entirely.

A suggestion to you: if you can't find a way to make a living legally, then I'd recommend you consider another course of action.

Like heading to the Mines of Moria and picking a fight with a Balrog.

Monday, May 22, 2023

A Day In The Life Of A Leafs Fan

 It has been awhile since I've last featured the point of view of one of those reprehensible, blindingly devoted morons otherwise known as part of Leafs Nation. However, with the Maple Leafs crashing and burning in the playoffs again, it seemed to be a fitting time indeed to take in their perspective.


10:05 AM. Wakin' up at home. Got a bad ****in' hangover, man. Been like this every night since Game 5 and our boys losin'. 

Sure, we were three games down, but it was overtime, and our boys were robbed! ****in' robbed!!!!


10:27 AM. Walkin' around the house. Lookin' at the Leafs memorabilia. All the stuff I've collected down through the years. All the memories. The good times and the bad times. A ****in' lot of ****in' bad times, but that's beside the ****in' point.

What is it they say? Hair of the dog that bit you is the best cure for a hangover?

****, yeah. Gotta get started on drinkin'. Anything to chase the blues away.


10:38 AM. Just brought four beers into the living room with me. Drink it nice and slow. 

Sure, my ex-wife said I was a ****in' alcoholic, but I can handle my liquor.

Haven't gotten fired yet, after all.

Probably helps that I got that blackmail material on the ****in' boss. ****er.


11:05 AM. Goin' through it in my head. Where it all went wrong. I mean, our boys broke past the first round of the playoffs for the first time in years. It was an amazing time to be alive. We all celebrated.

Because we ****in' knew that this was gonna be our ****in' year.

That the boys were gonna break the ****in' curse. And win the Stanley Cup.



11:09 AM. But see, here's the thing.... second round came. And our boys started losin'. To the ****in' Florida ****in' Panthers! Three games in a row. Looking like amateurs. It was lookin' like our worst nightmares come back to haunt us. 

But then they won. One game. Gave every true-blue blooded Maple Leafs fan hope.

And then it got ripped out from under us and we got our hearts stomped on again.

So I gotta ask the question: why's this keep happenin' to us?


11:38 AM. ....after all, like everyone in existence knows, the Toronto Maple Leafs are the greatest ****in' team to ever exist in any sport. They should just be handed the Cup every year by default. I've been a fan my whole life. Same as my old man and his old man. We bleed Maple Leafs blue, mother****er, but instead of gettin' the Cup, we get the shaft.

Over and over and over again.

It's not fair!


12:21 PM. Jack and Harry turn up at the door. Hey, boys. Come on in, we can drink the pain away.


12:52 PM. Me and Jack and Harry talk it over. Gotta be someone at the League level who's got it in for the Leafs. For the last fifty plus years. And they'll do whatever they can to screw us the **** over. 

Boys? Whoever that is, we gotta figure it out. We gotta beat the ****in' crap outta them and get 'em the **** outta their position so the Leafs can take their rightful ****in' place as the greatest champions ever!


2:05 PM. Me and Harry and Jack agree to head downtown to one of the bars and drown our sorrows with the rest of the loyal Leafs Nation fans. Maybe watch some hockey.

Especially if Florida's playin'. I want everybody on that team to be painfully bludgeoned.

There, boys, I said it. I meant it.

Bludgeoned.


2:45 PM. The ****in' cab finally shows the **** up. Harry and Jack and me pile in the back. 'Bout time, mother****er, get us the **** downtown. And don't look at me that way. I've only had six drinks today.

Or something like that, who's really ****in' countin?


3:58 PM. Finally dropped off downtown. ****in' rush hour ****in' traffic, I'll tell you, am I right, boys?

We head into our favourite waterin' hole.

Hey! Beer here!


4:10 PM. Lot of the regulars around. Lot of downcast faces. We're all still feelin' the ****in' pain, every last one of us who bleed true blue. And the only thing that'll ever ****in' make it right is us gettin' the Stanley Cup back.


5:47 PM. Me and Harry and Jack are on our fourth beers since we got in here, talkin' about next year. Team's gonna do some rebuilding, boys, but next year, baby.... that's gonna be our ****in' year.

Hey, Lou! Let's get some wings over here.

Whaddya mean your name ain't Lou?


6:21 PM. Eatin' dinner with the boys. There's nothin' like some good Molson to wash down wings and hot sauce, am I right, boys? Okay, so since our guys are outta the playoffs- and I still wanna kill the guy who screwed us over- are we gonna watch the rest to the bitter end? Or are we gonna maybe go to some Blue Jays games?


7:09 PM. Hockey on the monitors. Looks like Florida's playin'. I hope they lose fifty million to nothin'.


8:28 PM. Me and Harry and Jack, we're talkin' it over. Jack says his brother in law suggested that he stop rootin' for the Leafs, says it's not healthy to keep rootin' for them.

Jack!!! **** that ****er! The Leafs are a way of life!


9:38 PM. Buncha Jays fans come in, as happy as they can be. Hey, I know it's the same city, boys, but come on... we Leafs fans are still in mournin', you know? 


10:15 PM. Okay, boys. That's it. I think it's time we close it down for the night. I gotta work in the mornin', and I'm already gonna have a bad enough hangover as it is.


10:31 PM. Me and Harry and Jack all go our separate ways. Hey boys... don't forget...

Go Leafs go!!!!


10:42 PM. The cab ride home has me dozin'. Or maybe it's all the booze I've drunk today. Lost count how much.


11:12 PM. Back in the house. Toss the keys on the table, collapse on the couch.

Man, I'm gonna have one bad ****in' hangover in the mornin'.


11:18 PM. Catchin' up on some sports news. Shake ups in the Leafs organization happenin'.

Well, that had to happen. Don't matter. Next season, they'll be ****in' unstoppable. 

**** yeah they will.

Go Leafs go!!!

Monday, May 15, 2023

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

 And so it is time for the cat to have her say, because as a regal being, she must always have the last word.


6:52 AM. Waking up. Dawn's already happened. Awake too early for this. I already miss the short days of winter.

I'll just have to nap extra hard later on.


6:55 AM. A look outside from the back of the couch. Flying lunches out there pecking away at the grass. Consider yourselves lucky I can't open doors.


7:08 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. After all, that must be her number one priority.


7:12 AM. Feeling impatient. Honestly, staff, I've been awake for a whole twenty minutes and you still haven't come to feed me?


7:19 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff. I was about to launch a search party for you. Now then. Let's get going on my breakfast, shall we?


7:21 AM. Issuing instructions to my staff as she works on my breakfast. Now then, staff, while I enjoy milk and meat, I do not appreciate your continued insistence on serving me field rations as well. Are we clear on that?


7:23 AM. The staff sets down my breakfast. I approve of the tuna and bowl of milk. I do not approve of the bowl of field rations.

Sigh. Honestly, staff, how many times do I have to say it? Do you not understand cat?

Oh well, let's eat.


7:25 AM. Have finished with my breakfast. The milk and meat were welcome. I have ignored the field rations.


7:35 AM. Sitting on the back of the couch staring outside. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the barking of that idiot mutt from down the road.

Dumb dog.


7:40 AM. The staff is on her way out the door to that work place she goes to.

Good day, staff. Don't forget to bring some milk on your way home.


7:43 AM. The staff is driving out of the driveway in her car. My car, really, since everything here belongs to me, especially the staff.

Now then, what's on the agenda for today?


8:02 AM. Weather Network is on. They're talking about a pollen alert.

Oh, come on. Can we not go through one season without the word alert?


8:30 AM. Perched on a windowsill overlooking the backyard. Pondering the meaning of life. 


8:35 AM. Movement at the property line, something coming out of the woods.

It's that dumb dog.


8:36 AM. Hissing and howling at the presence of that idiot mutt on my property.

Get lost! No one invited you, and you're invading my personal domain! Get lost, or so help me Cat, I will send a skunk after you!


8:37 AM. After looking at me for a few seconds with a big dumb look on his big dumb face, the annoying hound has turned around and headed back towards the woods.

Don't even think about coming back here!


8:38 AM. The dumb dog has returned into the woods.

That just annoys me to no end.


8:45 AM. Okay. All things being said, I think it's time to settle in for a well earned nap. After all, I've been awake for nearly two hours.


10:58 AM. Waking up from my nap. Slept very well indeed. Dreamed of that idiot mutt getting chased by a dozen skunks.


11:02 AM. An inspection of the kitchen finds that all there is to eat is that bowl of field rations.

What to do, what to do....


11:05 AM. Have eaten some of the field rations. I must sit the staff down for a thorough conversation sometime about this. Perhaps a food dispenser that will issue canned meat on demand would be the order of the day.


12:06 PM. Watching some television. Sports channel for once. They're discussing how the Leafs have to spend the summer planning the next rebuild after blowing it in the playoffs.

Or the team can just stop lying to themselves and admit it's never going to happen, so why even make the effort?


5:28 PM. The staff returns home. Well then, staff, tell me, have you brought milk with you?


6:42 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's having meatballs with potatoes and carrots. She's thoughtfully provided me with a plate of ground beef.

Very good, staff, very good indeed.


11:38 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. Sleep well.

If you feel something walking all over you at four in the morning, never fear. That's just me.