A Day In The Life Of A Cat

As is always the case, the cat must get the last word in on these things, what with being a supreme being walking the earth.

7:00 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Dreamed of vast fields of catnip.

7:02 AM. An examination of the exterior from the back of the couch. Some flying lunches pecking around in the grass. If it wasn't for this glass, I'd be hunting you right now...

7:09 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs. Come on, staff, I don't have all day. I've got things that need to get done. 

7:18 AM. The staff finally gets downstairs. It's about time, staff. Are you aware I've already been up nearly twenty minutes and have thus far been deprived of food?

7:20 AM. Articulating my wishes for breakfast to the staff. I must be very precise with her, after all. She keeps giving me field rations despite my many protests that they are not to my liking.

7:22 AM. The staff puts my breakfast down for me. The plate of chicken and the bowl of milk are welcome. However, she has also put down a bowl of field rations. 

7:24 AM. I have finished with the chicken and the milk. I am entirely ignoring the field rations, and will leave the staff to have her breakfast in peace and quiet.

7:34 AM. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the barking of that idiot mutt from down the road. I don't understand the purpose of dogs. I'm just saying.

7:40 AM. The staff is heading out the front door to go to that work place she insists on being in most of the week. Very well, staff. Remember, we're running low on milk.

7:42 AM. The staff drives out to the road in her car. Well, techically speaking it's my car, since I own this house and everything in it, including the staff.

8:01 AM. Watching the Weather Network. Possibility of storms this evening. I can live with that.

8:20 AM. Okay, I think that a nap is in order.

11:23 AM. Waking up feeling well rested. And a bit hungry.

11:25 AM. An examination of the kitchen has determined that the only food out in the open is that bowl of field rations.

Oh well. What must be done, must be done.

1:30 PM. Down the road, I can hear the barking of that foul mutt. The mailman must be making deliveries.

What is it with dogs and mailmen?

2:10 PM. Zoomies from basement to second floor.

4:48 PM. Woken from second nap by staff opening the front door.

5:03 PM. Supervising the staff as she unpacks some groceries. Ah, yes. The milk. Very good, staff.

6:27 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's cut up some meatloaf for me into bite sized pieces, which I much appreciate. She insists on having broccoli with hers for some reason.

6:54 PM. Leaving my staff to do the dishes. After all, you know how cats feel about water.

8:23 PM. Lying in the living room, pondering the mysteries of existence. Did the ball of string come before the cat?

11:38 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. Sleep well.

11:59 PM. Lightning and thunder outside. I have come upstairs to safe guard my staff and am engaged in making biscuits on the blankets at present.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 It is time, once again, for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, I start with the dog, who gets so easily distracted all the time.

07:03 AM. Waking up. Big stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of chasing squirrels.

07:05 AM. Checking outside. No sign of squirrels. More's the pity.

07:09 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs. After all, breakfast won't see to itself, and I lack opposable thumbs.

07:20 AM. The human finally comes downstairs. I thump my tail furiously on the floor in greetings. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn't it? Say, have you put any thought into my breakfast?

7:22 AM. Watching the human pour me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:23 AM. Have polished off the kibbles, two seconds short of my all time fastest record.

That was good.

7:26 AM. Making inquiries with the human about getting out for a run.

7:27 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:36 AM. Running through the back fields, as happy as I can be. Life is good!

7:51 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:53 AM. After the customary doggie greetings, Spike and I discuss matters of the greatest significance. The consistency of kibble. What the squirrels are up to. And does it involve a secret alliance with the mailman.

8:00 AM. Parting ways with Spike, who assures me he'll keep an eye out for that awful mailman.

8:20 AM. Splashing through the creek in the woods. Nice and cool.

8:35 AM. Barking to let the human know I've returned. Human! It is I, Loki! Annoyer of Mailmen and Chewer of Slippers!

8:36 AM. The human intercepts me from getting inside and applies the Towel of Torment. Human! I'm only a little wet. And there is no such thing as wet dog smell.

10:35 AM. Mooching a cookie off the human while she has her morning coffee break.

12:21 PM. Mooching a ham and cheese sandwich from the human.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he stops at the mailbox and drops off stuff. Get lost, you fiend!!!!

3:14 PM. The human is having afternoon tea. I have scarfed a cookie from her.

4:00 PM. Watching the Weather Channel. Possibility of thunderstorms tonight.

Uh oh....

6:25 PM. The human has made bacon pancakes for dinner tonight. I have a plate set aside for me.

Yummy!

8:47 PM. Pondering life's great mysteries. How much is that doggie in the window?

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human. Sleep well.

11:58 PM. A sudden bolt of lightning and thunder outside. I respond by running like hell upstairs and hiding under the human's bed where it's safe. 

Any idea when the thunder will end?

A Treasury Department Blunder

 

They will never get the point, as obvious as it might be. They will never cease doing what they do. They will write comments into our blogs that have nothing to do with the subject at hand. They will send us spam emails, and scam emails, expecting attention, expecting a response, and hoping beyond hope for the latter that someone is dumb enough to believe their line of nonsense. I speak, of course, of homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as that vile horde of scum we call the internet scammer and spammer. The following line of nonsense was sent to my email recently.

UNITED STATES TREASURY DEPARTMENT
Main Treasury 1500 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington D.C 20220.USA


Attention,

                         I am Mr Scott K.H Bessent the new Executive
Secretary (United States Treasury Department), while going through all
files I noticed that you have a pending Transaction with the (United
States Treasury Department) which you supposed to have received long
time ago and was not completed due to some reasons and this is why I
have decided to contact you to inform you in person that we are
sincerely sorry for the delay of your payment valued at (Ten Million
Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollars). We apologize for any
inconvenience or frustration this might have caused you. The delay was
caused by minor problems with our payment system. While we take full
responsibility for our mistake, I would like to assure you that this was
a one-time error by the previous U.S Department of the Treasury
Executive Secretary, I have already made some reshuffles in the cabinet
to ensure that this does not happen again as the new Executive
Secretary.


We just had a meeting this morning with our Board of Trustee and from
the records of outstanding Beneficiary due for payment with the U.S
Department of the Treasury, your name was discovered as next on the list
of the outstanding Beneficiary who have yet to receive their payments.
We wish to congratulate you that your payment is being processed and
will be issued and signed by me personally as soon as you respond to
this email and abide by the rules and regulations governing this
reputable office. Also note that from the record in our file is
outstanding payment valued (Ten Million Seven Hundred Thousand United
States Dollars). We apologize once again and thank you for your time and
patience.


Your response to this email will be highly appreciated .


Sincerely,
Mr Scott K.H Bessent
Executive Secretary
United States Treasury Department.

So Scott Bessent does exist. He's one of Trump's appointees, which speaks for itself. But he did not send this email. And why would he? A Trump appointee would be too busy enriching himself to be sending random emails to random email accounts. He claims that I have a pending transaction with the Treasury that was mistakenly overlooked. I'm apparently due 10 million 700 thousand (all words capitalized, of course, a standard procedure of the internet scammer. He passes the buck off for this error on the previous administration (oh, sure, right, whatever- the previous administration was not anywhere near as dumb as this administration is, and actually tried doing the bloody job). But then this isn't about the former adminstration. 

No, this is about an internet scammer trying to weave this impossible story and pass himself off as someone who he's not. Because he's not Scott Bessent. That goes without saying. Because the real Scott Bessent is too busy following the orders of his dementia ridden orange boss to have the downtime to be spending random emails. No, this guy is just using this as his latest idiot scheme, hoping someone will be foolish enough to believe it.

Sigh. I really wish these guys would wise up, stop doing this, and find an honest line of work. Because the longer this goes on, the more I feel that there's only one solution to dealing with them.