They will never give up. They will never take a hint. They will never just throw in the towel and find an honest way of making a living. I speak, of course, of the vile subspecies homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. That repugnance that we call the internet scammers and spammers, who send endless emails of too good to be true scams or infest our pages with random comments linking to Cambodian sports sites. They just don't get it.
The two following short scammer efforts came into my email in recent weeks, as examples of that wretched lot of scum and villainy.
May the peace of God be with you and your family. I know it will be a great surprise reading from me today but consider this a divine intervention as a pastor explained to my understanding. My name is Mrs. Deborah Grant, a widow from the United State Of America Married in Turkey, and am writing you from my sick bed because I have been fighting cancer and the doctor says I have only a few weeks left. I want to entrust my money (USD 8.5 million) to your care for charity purposes to help the less privileged as my late husbands' relatives want me dead so that they will claim all my late husband and I worked for.I will tell you more about myself and what you need to do with the money once you receive it. Please write me soon as my health is pretty bad and my doctor says I will be moved to the intensive care unit anytime soon. Have a blessed day and please pray for me. God bless you.Yours Mrs. Debbie Grant
Greetings to you,My name is Captain John White I'm a serving US soldier currently deployed in Syria.I recovered some huge amounts of US dollars from the ISIS terrorists camp and I want to move the money out to a safe place as quickly as possible without involving any of my relatives since I'm still active in service. So I'm writing you this mail to propose the deal to youGet back to me ASAP for more details about it but only if you're interested else please ignoreNB:- Please note that I'm writing you this out of trust and should be kept confidential even if you're not interestedYou are to reply back to me on my personal email at: firstname.lastname@example.org,Thanks, And Best Regards
Great. The Cancer Widow and the Overseas Soldier scams. The Cancer Widow one is of course a familiar one, invoking religious fervour (note to the scammer, you're pretty much wasting your time on me there) and telling a sob story about that she's dying (of cancer!). She says that her late husband's family wants her dead (hey, I can relate, I don't even know you and I want you dead). And she says that she wants to entrust her 8.5 million to me for charitable purposes.
Well, if this was real (it's not), I'd say, sure. The charitable purpose being the wealth and comfort of me. But that would come after the old bat was dead.
But it's not real. Because the old bat is a scammer who can't spell United States right and possesses all of the hallmarks of the classic Cancer Widow Scammer.
And then there's Captain John White, who claims to be an American soldier serving in Syria (oh, sure). He says that he's recovered "some huge amounts of US dollars from the ISIS terrorists camp". Yeah, sure, that sounds legitimate.
Because where are a pack of 6th century mindset terrorists going to get their hands on a lot of US dollars? And if you were real (you're not), you'd be proposing a criminal act. Not very honourable of an active soldier, but let's face it, you're not an active soldier.
No, both of you are fakes at the end of a long line of email addresses hoping desperately that someone's dumb enough to take the bait and believe this crap. Maybe someone else in the list of five hundred thousand emails will buy it and send you the inevitable processing fee, but they're stupid, and I'm not.
Why don't we settle this in an unconventional way? Both the Cancer Widow and the Oversea Soldier go into the Thunderdome. Two scammers enter. One scammer leaves.
Whoever's still alive gets to continue to be ridiculed by me.
That sounds fair.