A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As is always the case, I begin with the perspective of the dog, who has such a short attention span.

7:05 AM. Waking up. Not dawn yet. Boy, these days are sure short.

7:07 AM. An examination of the outside from the window doesn't show much of anything. Not that it doesn't mean there's nothing out there. Like squirrels. I hate squirrels.

7:12 AM. Waiting patiently for the human to get downstairs. After all, she'll need to see to my breakfast at some point. Because I lack the opposable thumbs to open cupboard doors.

7:22 AM. The human comes downstairs. I furiously pound my tail against the floor in greetings. Good morning, human! What a great day!

Say, have you given any thought to my breakfast?

7:24 AM. The human is pouring a big bowl of kibbles for me.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:25 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast at damned near my fastest ever time.

That was good!

7:29 AM. Inquiring with the human as to if she'll let me out for my run now.

7:31 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:45 AM. Running through the snow, like a one dog wrecking crew....

8:02 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

8:03 AM. After the usual doggie greetings, Spike and I begin to confer on matters of the highest importance. Quality control for chewing bones. What the squirrels are up to with their hoarding of nuts. What evil plan the mailman might unleash upon us all today.

8:05 AM. Spike advises that his people will have company for Christmas.

I hope they won't be kids, Spike, because kids can be so tiring on a good dog.

And we are good dogs.

Very good dogs.

Despite what the vet might say.

8:10 AM. Parting ways with Spike, who says he'll keep me updated on whenever the mailman breezes past his place.

8:28 AM. Passing through the woods.  I'm near the spot where that cranky cat lives.

8:32 AM. Walking onto the property through the snow.

8:33 AM. Movement at one of the windows. It's that cranky cat, hissing at me and spewing all sorts of rage and allegations about me.

I didn't know cats know that many swear words.

8:36 AM. Discretion being the better part of valour, I think I'd better leave.

I will never understand cats.

8:55 AM. Barking at the door to let the human know I'm back.

8:57 AM. The human intercepts me with the Towel of Torment before I can dash inside.

10:21 AM. Waking up from a nap in time to mooch a cookie from the human.

12:10 PM. Lunch with the human. She's kind enough to give me a ham and cheese sandwich.

6:38 PM. Dinner with the human. Pancakes! No complaints out of me there. I love pancakes.

11:22 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Sleep well.

I'll keep guard down here through the night.

In between naps.

A World Without Internet Scammers

 They have no capacity for shame. They will never stop. They will never find an honest way to make a living. They will say anything, do anything, and act anything to get their mark to buy the story. I speak of that wretched hive of scum and villainy (no, not Mos Eisley) otherwise known to the world as homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. The dirtbags who spend their time scamming and spamming our email accounts and blogs with nonsense such as the following, which turned up in my email some weeks ago.

Dear Email Owner,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your message. World Bank Organization is eradicating COVID 19 lock down poverty in America,Asia,Europe,Oceania,Russia for the year 2023/2024 and your name was among the 10 Lucky people listed.Your ATM VISA CARD of ($10.5M USD) was registered with TNT Express Delivery. You will receive it within 48 hours.Your ATM VISA CARD compensation fund will be handed over to you in person at the address you will provide to us. Note,that the CARD compensation fund must get to your address within 48 hours once you reconfirm your receiving address as demanded below;

CONFIRM YOUR DELIVERY ADDRESS BELOW AND LET US KNOW IF THERE IS ANY CHANGE:

RECEIVER'S NAME:_____
DELIVERY ADDRESS:_____
DIRECT CELL NUMBER:___
COUNTRY:_______
OCCUPATION:____
E-MAIL (1):_____
E-MAIL (2):_____
SEX:____
WORKING ID:____

Ask him how you can get your CARD compensation fund of (US$10.500,000.00.)

TNT Company Office
Contact Person: Mr.Jessy Ezeh
E-mail: tnt.office@aol.com

Okay then. Unlike my last scammer who had the audacity to address me as dear, this numbskull uses the term "dear email owner". It uses the World Bank Organization (actually, it's just the World Bank, dumbass, but let's not confuse you any more than you already are) as its cover story and invokes Covid-19 reduction.... but then says I'm one of ten lucky bastards chosen to have 10.5 million dollars. In an ATM Visa card.

Oh, sure, that's legitimate. 

This scammer uses some of the tried and true techniques of the internet scammer- spacing and punctuation issues, capitalization issues (to say the least), and dangling a whole lot of money (that doesn't exist) from the World Bank, which doesn't give out money to random people.

Because that's not its function. It works at the national and international level.

But you're counting on one of the 500 000 random email addresses you sent this to to be owned by a dumbass. Someone dumber than you. Someone who sees the figure 10.5 million dollars and can't see the proverbial spam forest for the trees. Someone with their scammer alarm turned right the hell off. Someone whose family has been breeding too close to the gene pool.

When will you learn? This crap doesn't work on me. I see right through you. No matter how many times you keep sending this nonsense my way, I'll respond in the way I'm accustomed to. By ridiculing you. Without end. Until you finally take a hint and stop breathing.

A world without internet scammers. It would be a wonderful world, but unfortunately we don't live in that world. We live in this one. Oh well. 

Perhaps you should try scamming someone higher up the organized crime world than you. And see what they do in response. 

The Chinese Banker Internet Scam Ploy

 They are the deranged and the oblivious. No matter how many times that we ignore them or ridicule them, they keep coming back for more in the desperate attempt that maybe this time, we'll pay some attention to them. But then again, they are pretty stupid. I speak, of course, of the vile buffoons otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus. Otherwise known as internet scammers and spammers. The following crap recently turned up in my email.

Hello Dear,

I am Mr. Chung Zhao, I work with a bank here in China as head of the audit department. During our bank general end of year account auditing, I discovered an overdue funds sum of USD19,500,000.00 (Millions)US Dollars belonging to my late bank customer who died over 10 years ago leaving no body to inherit his funds.

 
I am contacting you so that we may have an agreement/proper arrangement. note 50% of the sum will be for you while the other 50% will be my share as well.


I will be waiting for your quick response in order to update you with full detail and be informed that this deal will be executed legally.


Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Chung Zhao.

Where to begin? Well, with the start. "Hello Dear". A term of endearment that's a hallmark of the scammer trade. And rather unwelcome, mind you. This is a complete stranger, and second, I don't like being called dear.

Then we see the other hallmarks. Spacing issues in words and sentences. Capitalized words that shouldn't be capitalized. The inability to write money sums without screwing up.

This Chinese banker claims they've found an account of 19.5 million dollars that's essentially been ignored for the last ten years. 

To which I say nonsense. No banker would ignore an idle account of that number for that long.

They propose an illegal scheme of splitting it up fifty fifty. Again, nonsense. Because an actual banker of shaky ethics (99.5 percent of bankers, in other words) would be figuring out ways to keep that money for themselves. 

They want you to believe they'll share the loot with a complete stranger on the other side of the planet. But there is no loot, because there is no 19.5 million dollars. It's a scam, and the only money changing hands is that of the dumbass mark paying the inevitable admin fees before realizing that they got suckered.

Nice try, whoever you are. But I think we've established at this point that I'm wise to your ways and see you for the reprehensible sleazebags that you are. As is often mentioned, maybe you'll have better luck with someone else on that long list of half a million random email addresses you sent this too.

 Honestly, man, if you can't go make an honest living in this world, well, there's only one thing for you.

Go play on one of these things while it's doing that. Blindfolded.

The Secret Order Of Infernal Scammers

 You would wish that they'd just go away. Or into a coma, or even better yet, just die. It's not as if they contribute anything at all to society. I speak of the hordes of repugnant people otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus. The internet scammers and spammers who have absolutely nothing to do with their time but spam us with crap we're not interested in, or send the same form letter scam to hundreds of thousands of random email addresses, hoping someone will buy the bait. The following turned up in my email recently.

Greetings, from the illuminati world elite empire, Are you a business Man/woman,

politician, musician, student, salary earner.

Do you strive to expand your knowledge and personal development, want to be rich,

need protection, be powerful and famous.

if YES!. Then you can achieve your dreams by being a member of the great illuminati empire,

Once you are a  member all your dreams and heart desire can be fully accomplish.

With this brief summary, If you are interested to become a member of the great illuminati then

get back to us for more information about joining the illuminati.

kindly reply us back on our direct recruitment email only at: infoilluminati003@gmail.com

Please note, Kindly make sure all your response are send directly to the email stated above only at: infoilluminati003@gmail.com

For more instructions on our membership process.

Note: Some email providers incorrectly place official Illuminati messages in their spam / junk folder or promotion folder.

This can divert and exclude our responses to your emails.

The Illuminati.                     

I've seen this kind of crap before. There's an idiot out there who mass spams the same copy and paste  Welcome to the Illuminati comment into blogs from time to time- but haven't heard from him in a long time. Maybe Covid did us all a favour and removed him from the face of the earth.

This idiot gives us some of the same tell-tales of your typical scammer, capitalizing some words and not capitalizing words that do (note to the scammer- if you're claiming to represent the Illuminati, you might want to actually capitalize the damned word). They're passing themselves off as a member of the Illuminati, looking to recruit.

Only thing is, there is no Illuminati, hasn't been for centuries. Except in the demented fantasies of a bunch of conspiracy theories, and in the plotline of a Dan Brown novel. It's defunct, kaput, a non-entity. Point is, the organization they claim to be part of is as non-existent as the 5.2 million dollars that you see a Cancer Widow offering in other scam emails (the money's not really resting in an account, and unfortunately the scammer doesn't actually have cancer, we've pretty much established that by now). So no, this is not the Illuminati.

Nice try, numbskull. But if I were to start going down this rabbit hole of emails with you, it would end with you wanting access to my bank account numbers, social insurance number, and life insurance policy. What could possibly go wrong with that?

As it's not possible for you to do anything productive in life, I think there's only one option for you.

I'd suggest something medieval, just to teach you some manners.

Paying Final Respects To The Fallen

Later this week sees Remembrance Day. November 11th is also known as Veterans Day or Armistice Day elsewhere, but here in Canada, it is Remembrance Day, a day to pay our respects to those who served in war, and those who died in it.  

These first shots are from several years ago, on a spring day when I visited Beechwood Cemetery, a historic cemetery in Ottawa with the graves of many prominent people, locally and nationally. Two sections of this large property have been set aside as a national military cemetery, and this is one of them, with the tombstones done in the same manner as originally laid out by the Commonwealth War Graves Commission, a legacy of the First World War that carries on its work today.

I attend the national service held at the Canadian War Memorial, which occupies the very heart of Confederation Square. I usually choose a spot ideal for watching the parade past after the ceremony has ended. It begins with bagpipes.

Followed by the veterans- a smaller group by the year.

Active services follow them. A very solemn and moving ceremony, and one that draws out the public each year.