A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 It is time, once again, for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, we begin with the dog, who gets so easily distracted by literally everything.

7:01 AM. Waking up at home. Big stretch. Still kind of dark out there. And we're getting into that time of year where it's going to be dark for awhile yet. Short days, short days...

7:08 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs and see to my breakfast.

I'm a very patient dog.

Now where is she?

7:22 AM. The human comes downstairs. I thump my tail against the floor. Good morning, human!

7:23 AM. Following the human into the kitchen. Oh, good, she knows I've been expecting breakfast...

7:25 AM. The human is pouring me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy...

7:26 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast with just five seconds off my fastest ever consumption of breakfast.

That was good!

7:29 AM. Making inquiries with the human as to if she'll let me outside for my run.

7:31 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:36 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, as happy as I can be.

Looks like there's been frost in the night.

7:48 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:49 AM. After customary doggie greetings, Spike and I set to discussing matters of great importance. Like what the squirrels are up to. They're stashing away a whole lot of nuts, Spike. For what reason? Do squirrels possess catapults?

7:53 AM. Spike and I discuss the impending holiday. Halloween.  

My human keeps me behind closed doors so I don't bark at trick or treaters.

8:01 AM.  Parting ways with Spike to head home.

8:17 AM. Jumping through a stream in the woods. Nice and cold.

8:33 AM. Returning home. Barking to let the human know I have returned.

8:34 AM. The human intercepts me with the Towel of Torment rather than let me dry off natural by the fireplace.

10:35 AM. Mooching a cookie from the human.

12:09 PM. I have convinced the human to give me a ham and cheese sandwich while she has lunch.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he drops off some mail. Get lost!

2:48 PM. The human is having afternoon tea. I am persuading her to give me a scone.

6:36 PM. The human is having dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs for her. Just meatballs for me. She clearly remembers the Incident.

Oh well, meatballs are good.

8:45 PM.  Pondering life's mysteries. Is the universe one big tennis ball?

11:47 PM. The human is off the bed. Good night, human. Keep the door open. I'll patrol in the night. In between naps.

The Annual Turkey Coma Day

It is Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend. I have an image blog for the occasion. Enjoy!

Another Season, More Delusion

NHL Hockey Season Gets Underway: Leafs Nation Doubles Down On Delusions

Toronto (CP) It is a truth universally acknowledged that Leafs Nation keeps coming back for more pain. Each spring, whether it is by their team missing the playoffs or getting clobbered when it really counts, the fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs fall into despair. Over the summer, they forget the pain. And in October, they have re-invested themselves in the dream, that this is the year, that the Stanley Cup is coming home, that all of the struggles of the last few decades are at an end.

The rest of us live in something we call reality.

The team has not won a Stanley Cup since 1967. It has been a long road for Leafs Nation, seeing their team mired in seasons of nothing but failure, or even worse, having their hopes crushed in the playoffs in the most dramatic ways. They keep rebuilding, coming up with new reboots and new schemes for getting back into serious contention, but inevitably their plans fall apart at the worst possible time, and the team ends up playing early golf in the spring.

Jim Hiller is the new head coach of the team, the latest to be seen as the great hope for the Leafs to win the Cup. He was previously head coach in Los Angeles, and has spent time in Toronto as an assistant coach. "It's going to be a big year," he said to reporters this week before losing the opening game of the season to Montreal. "We've made some big trades over the summer, and we're confident that these will be critical to our rebuilding the team, and getting somewhere in the playoffs. We just ask the fans to be patient with us... why is someone snickering?"

The team next meets the Ottawa Senators for a home game on Saturday. Leafs Nation has been gathering in the bars, sharing their stories of the glory days (of which there are few), while being concerned by the season opener in which Montreal came out ahead. "We bleed Maple Leafs blue, baby," one fan told this reporter at a bar not too far from the arena. "It's history. It's tradition. And everything is pointing our way to the greatest season in the history of the game. Sure, you can't win every game. Though our boys deserve it, am I right, boys?"

The man took a swig of his beer. This reporter recognized him as one of three men who had held the Stanley Cup for ransom some years before, demanding that the team be retroactively designated Stanley Cup champions for every year since 1967. "Look, that was a long time ago," the man said. "I was drinkin' a lot. But me and Harry and Jack, we behave ourselves these days. The point is, it's our year. It's going to be the best year, and we're all going to be there to witness it. Harry! Jack! Is this our year or is this our year?"

"Our year, baby!" Harry bellowed.

This reporter pointed out there had been previous grand plans for the team that had gone nowhere. "Don't confuse me with facts," he countered. "Look, the difference between back then and now is that this time it's going to work. Am I right, boys?"

"You're right, baby!" Jack replied. 

"Go Leafs go!" the man yelled, getting the bar going.

This reporter left. There was no point arguing with idiots.