The South African Crude Oil Scammer

There are three certainties in life- death, taxes, and internet scammers and spammers coming along to annoy you. They do so with random comments that are meaningless in our posts. They employ the old trick of sending the same email to hundreds of thousands of random email addresses, hoping to get someone gullible enough to believe them. Science calls them homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. We call them scammers. That's the friendly term. There are others less friendly. This came through my email recently.

Please permit me to introduce myself. My name is Jim Lamar. I earn a living in the oil industry as an independent Feasibility/Project Management Consultant to oil refineries and other oil industries in Southern African, East Africa and some parts of Asia. We are based in Johannesburg RSA. Our mandate includes identifying specific licensed crude oil export/ marketing firms and recommending these firms to the oil refineries for supply of crude oil to the refineries.

On my desk is a mandate from one of the refineries to arrange for crude oil purchase from Libya for up to 2,000,000 barrels on monthly bases for 12 calendar months.

The essence of my reaching out to you is the fact that I am in the process of building a middle man structure to mediate between the 2 parties involved before the contract is signed. You may be wondering why I cannot do it by myself right? The honest fact is that as a consultant to these oil refineries, we are not allowed to act as suppliers of crude oil to them as well, hence the reason I need a trustworthy person outside my work circle in order to maintain a discreet profile.

I wish to extend this partnership to you my friend to build a middle man structure with you, while I work from the back to guide you. Our commission/brokerage as middle persons is between $2 - $3 per barrel as case may be. So if the target of 2M barrels is met monthly we stand to share $4M - $6M every month for a span of 12 months with possible extension.

Worry less about the speedy sales as I have contacts within oil producing country's top officials for license of crude oil export/lifting to any firm I present for this business. Therefore if you can be able to handle this transaction with honesty and integrity, you should come back to me immediately for more details.

PLEASE REPLY ME THROUGH THIS MY PRIVATE EMAIL FOR MORE DETAILS:

Your urgent response is highly needed

Regards.

Jim Lamar

This nitwit spells out his scam, claiming to be in the oil and gas industry, and then having the gall to claim that he's honest. He spins a web of fortunes to be made in a shared partnership with me, what with being an outsider to his industry, with millions each month. First off, this sounds more and more illegal by the minute. Second, the overly formal language and occasional mistakes are hallmarks of the classic internet scammer. So a hard stop to this idea.

Sigh. Well, at least the oil industry is a new one. But everything else is typical internet scammer. Nice try, Jim,  or whoever you really are at the far end of a chain of emails. I just don't believe you. Maybe someone else would, but I don't.

I just envision an ideal world, where you're the guy at the end of this plank. Above shark infested waters.

Fraudulent Bankers And Other Scams

 

It seems that no matter how many times we ignore them, they can't take the hint. We delete their random comments in our blogs, and they keep making them. We keep getting their spam in our email, block them, and yet they come back under another variant email with the same nonsense and crap. I speak, of course, of the vile scum we refer to as homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following showed up in my email, not long after the contents of my previous post.

Dear Beneficiary,
I am writing to sincerely apologize for the delay in processing your payment. Our investigation reveals that you have been targeted by fraudulent actors using this project to solicit unlawful fees. These individuals are exploiting innocent participants to steal their money. I understand your disappointment and sincerely apologize for the inconvenience and frustration this has caused.
In view of this development, the Executive Board of the International Monetary Fund has resolved to deliver your payment via  Bank Bonded Courier System, Because bonded courier services can transport everything from documents to diamonds, and many people engage with them to ensure speedy and safe delivery.

Please be advised that a total of ($2,500,000) has been approved as the first tranche payment, with funds scheduled for release shortly. As part of our new Direct Payment Option, you will receive your fund by Bank Bonded Courier within 48hours upon your response. This system offers a secure and efficient alternative to physical checks, ATM card or Wire Transfer. To ensure full transparency regarding this transaction, please note that Customs administrative charges, courier services for processing, handling, and clearing international shipments have been deducted from the total funds. We have deducted $10,000 for expenses, so you will be receiving $2,490,000 instead of $2,500,000. The fund package will be classified as an official diplomatic pouch, secured for transport by a bank-bonded courier.

Please be advised that your fund/package is prepared for shipment. We have engaged a bonded courier to ensure secure transport for this shipment, and a dedicated delegate to accompany the consignment throughout transit. Please confirm you are ready to receive it.
To initiate the process, I kindly request you to provide me with the following information and documents:

    Your full legal name and any preferred name you would like to be addressed by.
    Your current mailing address, contact number, and email address.
    A copy of your government-issued identification (such as a driver’s license or passport).
    Any other supporting documents required as per local laws or regulations.

Once I have received these details, I will begin working on the necessary Customs paperwork to facilitate the delivery of the funds to you as smoothly and efficiently as possible.


I am truly sorry for the inconvenience caused by the delay in payment.

    Warm Regards,

Mr. Abebe Aemro Selassie
Director of the African Department

And once again, a scammer claiming to represent the International Monetary Fund. Claiming that I have been targeted by fraudulent actors is rich, when this person is a fraudulent actor. This idiot has all the usual tell-tales of the internet scammer. The overly formal language, the common mistakes that a person who has English as a first language would pick up on. This nimrod claims that I'm due over two million dollars over the actions of these fraudulent actors, and all I need to provide is my name and various documents to have them facilitate.

Uh huh. What's the worst that could happen? I know better, chump. No doubt I'll be getting this very same email two years down the road, but it won't be believable at any point. Perhaps it's possible someone might buy it and send that inevitable administrative fee directly to you- I know someone in real life who might well be that gullible- but your tactics are known to me.

Listen, if you can't find a way to make an honest living, there's only one way out for you.

Tying you to a stake and leaving you in the path of one of these.

A Scheme Too Ridiculous To Believe

 

They are the damned. They are a pestilence walking the earth in human form. They contribute nothing to society. They never take a hint and go find honest work, or at least to just go away. Their entire standard operating procedure is to infest our blogs with off topic comments, or send thousands of random emails to people with a get rich quick scam. I speak of course, of that vile scum we call homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following came through to my email recently.

INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND
( I.M.F ) HEAD OFFICE
CODE:(2244).
RESPOND TO OUR OFFICIAL EMAIL

ATTN: HONOURABLE CONTRACTOR,

DID YOU AUTHORISED ANYBODY WHO PRESENTED DOCUMENT OF CLAIM, REPORTED
TO HAVE SIGNED BY YOU FOR THE RELEASE OF YOUR PART-PAYMENT OF
$10.7MILLION USD ONLY.
RECONFIRM BACK TO ME TO AVOID ANY IRREGULARITIES AS YOUR PAYMENT IS
NOW READY TO BE DELIVERED TO YOU BY DRAFT (Based on the instructions
received this morning from the attorney general of the federation).

BASED ON THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ADVISED NOT TO RESPOND TO ANY MAIL OR FAX
CONCERNING YOUR FUND FROM ANY BODY WHO CLAIM TO BE OR YOUR AGENT AS
YOUR DRAFT IS NOW READY TO BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY BY THE AUTHORITY
OF THIS OFFICE.

KINDLY RE-CONFIRM TO ME THE FOLLOWINGS:

1) YOUR FULL NAME.
2) YOUR HOME ADDRESS.
3) WHATSAPP NO.
4) COUNTRY/STATE:
5) SCANNED COPY OF INT'L PASSPORT.

YOU ARE WARNED AND ADVISED TO FOLLOW-UP INSTRUCTIONS AS REGARDS TO YOUR FUND.
THE ABOVE IS YOUR PAYMENT, ANY MAIL OR FAXES WITHOUT YOUR TRANSACTION
CODE (2244) ,YOU SHOULD DISREGARDS IT.

Ms.Kristalina Georgieva
Managing Director of the International
Monetary Fund. (I.M.F)(2244)
RESPOND TO OUR OFFICIAL EMAIL

Oh, boy. The IMF scam is an old one. Usually about giving some poor sucker money. This one is dangling money as part of the email scam, but is written in such a way that leaves one doubting that English is their first language (it's not) and thinking that they're angry. All capitalization of multiple words will do that.

If someone were really with the IMF, their grasp of the English language would be much better. While this tries to read as formal, the amount of mistakes turns it into a word salad, perhaps written by someone having a stroke.

It never ends. Because out of the half million random emails they send this crap to, someone out there is dumb enough to look past all the nonsense and the word salad and think themselves, "hey, that could be my big payday." The rest of us know better, and will never respond to this garbage.

Nice try, scumbag. I'd like to run into you sometime.

While driving a tank.

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

 And now it is time for the perspective of the cat, who must always get the last word in.

7:04 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Dreamed of revenge against my enemies.

7:06 AM. Inspecting the exterior from the back of the couch. Flying lunches pecking about in the grass. 

7:10 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. How long will she take today?

7:15 AM. Come on, staff, get down here. I can't be waiting all day. I've been up eleven minutes already and I'm starving.

7:21 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff, I was about to send a search party after you. Now then, let's see to breakfast, shall we?

7:23 AM. Making my preferences known as the staff works on my breakfast. No field rations, are we clear on that? I don't want to see field rations today.

7:24 AM. The staff puts my breakfast on the floor. The bowl of milk and plate of tuna are welcome. The bowl of field rations is not.

7:26 AM. I have finished breakfast. The milk and tuna have been consumed. The field rations have been ignored.

7:34 AM. Somewhere in the distance that idiot dog from down the road is barking his head off.

7:42 AM. The staff is on her way out the door to go to that work place. Staff? Remember to buy milk on your way home.

7:45 AM. Watching the staff depart the property in the car. Now then, what's on the agenda for today?

8:02 AM. The Weather Channel tells me there's a storm coming tonight. Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, as a wise man once said.

8:36 AM. I think a nap is in order.

11:29 AM. Waking up. Feeling hungry.

11:30 AM. Oh, that's right. There's only field rations left in the open.

Oh well, if I must, I must.

1:30 PM. Somewhere in the distance that dumb hound is barking. The mailman must be stopping by his place.

4:40 PM. The staff returns home. With groceries. Very good, staff.

4:45 PM. Supervising the staff as she unpacks groceries. I see catnip. I also see milk. Staff? You may deserve some purrs and snuggles tonight.

5:39 PM. Watching the staff making dinner. Ground beef is involved.

6:38 PM. The staff is having spaghetti and meatballs. She's made some meatballs for me. Very good, staff.

8:10 PM. Lightning and thunder outside. No worries, staff. You've got me to purr beside you and keep the thunder away.

9:00 PM. The storm continues. Like two cats in a territory fight.

11:36 PM. The storm appears to have ended for the night. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff, and sleep well. But keep the doors open. I have zoomies scheduled at three in the morning.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 It is once again time for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, we start with the dog, who gets so easily distracted, after all.

6:54 AM. Waking up. Big stretch. Light outside. The days start so early these days, don't they? And here I am already behind in my to-do list. Top of the list? Breakfast.

7:00 AM. Looking outside. Birds busy pecking around at the ground for no reason. 

7:12 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs. After all, I can't get my breakfast sorted on my own.

7:20 AM. Thumping my tail furiously on the floor as the human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Great day, isn't it? Say, any thought to getting breakfast together yet? Just saying...

7:22 AM. The human is pouring me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:23 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast in near-record speed time.

That was good.

7:29 AM. Making inquiries with the human about letting me go out and have a run.

7:31 AM. The human lets me out for a run. Bye, human!

7:38 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Life is good!

7:52 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:54 AM. After the customary doggie greetings, Spike and I discuss the latest issues of concern. The velocity required to catch the mailman.What the squirrels are up to.

8:00 AM. Spike notes that we'll have thunderstorms in the night. Oh, brother, Spike. I don't like those one bit.

8:05 AM. Spike and I part ways after he assures me he'll keep me up to date on the arrival of the mailman this afternoon.

8:29 AM. Returning home, barking to let the human know I've returned.

10:30 AM. The human is having coffee. I have persuaded her to give me a cookie.

12:16 PM. Lunch with the human. I scarf down a ham and cheese sandwich.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he drops some stuff off at the mailbox before driving away.

3:27 PM. Awake from an afternoon nap just in time to persuade the human to give me a cookie while she has tea.

6:35 PM. Dinner with the human. Pancakes tonight, which she has cut up into bite sized chunks for me.

8:10 PM. Lying on the couch when the world erupts with lightning and thunder outside. My response is to high tail it and run into the basement.

9:39 PM. Pacing around the basement. The storm continues outside. 

Why does thunder have to be so loud?

10:15 PM. The human comes downstairs to tell me that the storm has passed.

Human? I don't like thunder. Just so you know.

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human. But please, keep the door open. If we get more storms in the night, I'm hiding under your bed.