Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, August 30, 2014

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links to see to before we get started on anything else. Norma had reflections on Robin Williams and on rental referrals. She also has a passage from Sam's Story. Parsnip had a Square Dog Friday yesterday. Shelly had a happy birthday for her brother. Lorelei wrote about her birthday. And Krisztina had a photo of the week.

Now then, time to turn my attention to the feline point of view...

7:30 AM. Awakening in bed. The staff is showering in the bathroom. How did she get out of bed without waking me?

7:32 AM. Heading downstairs. Turning on television. Weather Channel suggests thunderstorms moving through this area later in the day. Well, that's not good. It could be worse though. Just as long as I'm not outside while it's raining.

7:35 AM. Off goes the television. I find weather people to be tedious paranoid creatures at best. They seem to panic at the first sign of snow and suggest people start thinking of eating the dead.

7:45 AM. Well, staff, it's about time you showed up down here. Breakfast time, and let's make it snappy.

7:47 AM. The staff disappoints me by offering up field rations. I sigh with much dismay, and demand to be let outside.

8:30 AM. Sitting in the backyard, staring at the sky, pondering the meaning of cat toys. Do they serve any other purpose aside from something for me to destroy?

8:51 AM. Oh, great, it's that stupid annoying mutt from down the road passing by through my forest.

8:52 AM. The stupid mutt mentions something about Nixon going to China. What an idiot. It is a fundamental truth: all cats know that Nixon can't be trusted. The man was a dog person, after all.

8:53 AM. I hiss and yowl my displeasure with the presence of the dog. This time the idiot takes a hint and leaves. Stupid dog.

8:56 AM. I demand the staff let me back inside.

9:05 AM. After much internal debate, I decide to eat some of the field rations.

11:05 AM. Woken out of my nap by a thunderous roar. What was that????

11:06 AM. Looking outside. Lightning. Walls of rain. Thunder sounding all over the place.

I'm so glad I'm not outside right now.

11:15 AM. I find the staff looking out the kitchen windows. If I wasn't mistaken, I'd think she was enjoying this kind of weather.

The staff notices me and asks if I think that lightning is fun.

She is enjoying this. Humans are weird.

11:20 AM. A thunderclap that's louder than any I've heard already booms. Hey! Storm! How dare you interrupt my morning nap!

11:40 AM. Spending my time lying by the fireplace. Listening to the thunder. I bet that annoying mutt is cowering in his basement right about now.

12:15 PM. The storm continues. I wonder if we're going to lose power.

1:20 PM. Oh, come on already! That storm is denying me the quiet I need for my afternoon nap.

2:35 PM. Running out of ways to kill time waiting for the thunder to end. I've already gone through 99 Cans Of Tuna On The Wall twice.

5:55 PM. The thunderstorm finally seems to be at an end. Things are more quiet. 

I've been denied hours of naps, and believe me, I'm cranky about it.

6:10 PM. The staff is making dinner. Staff, I would prefer something very tasty. Something that can compensate for my utter lack of sleep all day.

6:40 PM. The staff and I settle down to dinner. She's made spaghetti and meatballs for herself. Meatballs for me, and a side of milk. Yes, this is sufficient compensation for that utter waste of a day waiting for a bit of quiet so I could nap. One thing's for sure, I'll sleep well tonight.

7:55 PM. The staff, for some reason, decides to watch a video. I debate going upstairs to sleep. 

Wait a minute, after a day with this much rain, you're watching that Noah movie?

8:45 PM. Staff, this movie is silly. Russell Crowe looks silly. Those rock creatures look silly.

9:30 PM. Furthermore, staff, what need was there in the world to put dogs on that Ark? I swear, staff, this is a cheesefest of stupidity! You and I need to have a serious discussion about your appalling taste in movies. 

11:05 PM. The staff is off to bed. I'll stay down here. I've been up too many hours. I need to sleep. Dream of chasing mice and finding the ultimate stash of catnip.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Some links today before I get started. Norma had excerpts in her blogs yesterday, from her memoir and Sam's story. Parsnip had a mix of photos at her blog. Maria had this murder case at her blog. Cheryl writes about shopping. And the Whisk had minions causing trouble.

Today it's time to return to the dog and cat blogs, as always starting off from the canine's point of view.

7:15 AM. Waking up. All four paws standing upright. Dreamed of gnawing on a dinosaur bone.

7:20 AM. Ah, the human's moving around upstairs. That means I'll be having breakfast really soon. 

7:25 AM. Looking outside. Not as sunny as it could be. I'd better get some running in. 

After breakfast. Priorities must come first.

7:35 AM. Good morning, human! It's a brand new day and we have a lot to get done and out of the way. Such as, for example, breakfast. How about we do something about that?

7:38 AM. Finishing up breakfast. Missed my all time fastest consuming of breakfast by one second. Well, better luck next time. 

7:40 AM. The human's let me out the back door for my run. Bye, human!

8:05 AM. Running through the back fields, barking at the birds. Woof!

8:25 AM. Stopping to speak with Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:27 AM. Spike and I talk about the weather. It really hasn't been much of a summer. We wonder what the reason for that is. Maybe the cats have conspired to do something to mess up the summer. Wouldn't that just be like a cat?

8:30 AM. Spike and I discuss sightings of the vile little fiends, those annoying squirrels. They're busy gathering nuts and running away every time we get near them. One of these days, they'll get what's coming to them...

8:40 AM. Spike and I part ways. 

8:50 AM. On my way home. I pass through the woods behind that place where the cat lives. She's such a finicky feline. I wonder why she won't believe that I just want to be friends.

8:51 AM. Hey, there she is! Hello, cat! It's me! Loki!

8:52 AM. The cat comes up to the edge of the lawn. She stares at me. And stares some more. Come on, let's be friends, you and I. Life's too short for hostilities. I mean, if Nixon could go to China....

8:53 AM. The cat hisses and expresses her disdain.

Sigh. I'll never understand the mind of a cat.

8:55 AM. Heading off for home. Those clouds are looking dark.

9:10 AM. Back home. Bark my hellos to the human.

10:45 AM. Waking up inside from a nap. Why's the sky so dark?

10:47 AM. Looking outside. Storm clouds coming in. That can't be good.

10:50 AM. Finding the human in the kitchen. Hey, have you been paying attention to the weather? It looks bad out there. Don't worry, I'll be right here to protect you from the thunder.

11:05 AM. Lightning flashing outside. Man, that thunder's horrendous.

You know, if I was that movie Loki, I'd have to think my brother was annoyed at me.

11:20 AM. The mother of all thunderclaps outside. Feels like the house just shook. That's it! I'm running as fast as I can down to the basement til this is over!

12:45 PM. Still cowering in the basement. When is this going to end??? I'm missing lunch!

2:30 PM. Oh, come on! It's still thundering out there? I've not only missed mooching lunch, I'm missing out on my afternoon nap!

6:10 PM. Finally coming upstairs. Things seem a lot more quiet. The human's working on supper. She smiles and asks if I had fun hiding out in the basement during the storm. I was not hiding out, human! I was making sure no squirrels tried to get in down there. There's a difference.

How about some supper?

10:45 PM. The human is off to bed early. Good night, human. Don't tell anyone that I hid down in the basement, will you?

But if another storm comes during the night, I'm cowering under your covers.