Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, August 26, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:15 AM. Sun's up outside. The human is awake upstairs, from the sound of it. 

Feeling hungry...

7:30 AM. Good morning, human! And how are you on this fine day?

7:40 AM. The human pours me a big bowl of yummy kibbles. Oh boy!

7:41 AM. I have wolfed down the entire bowl. Not quite in record time, but close...

7:45 AM. The human's having breakfast. I'm looking outside. Wondering if that annoying squirrel is anywhere in sight. No sign of him from here...

He's probably plotting something evil. Or burying acorns. Squirrels do that.

8:00 AM. The human lets me out the door. Bye, human! I'll see you later!

8:10 AM. Sprinting through the back fields, in search of anything odd. Barking my head off. As usual.

I wonder if my barking so much warns anything off well before I reach them.

8:55 AM. Have met up with Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. He's out for his morning stroll too. Hello, Spike. Any sign of squirrels today?

9:05 AM. Spike and I are conferring on the location of a good mud puddle when I happen to spot that cranky cat from down the road. I wonder if I can get her to be friends for once...

9:06 AM. Spike cautions me to not rush up to the cat. He reminds me that cats are, after all, ornery creatures who tend to dislike dogs by default. They do not respond well to having their hindquarters sniffed by a dog. Well, Spike, that I knew by experience.

9:08 AM. Spike steps out in advance of me and does the strangest thing, bowing to the cat. He informs the cat that I am a younger dog and not as well versed in the way of cats as I should be, and apologizes for any untoward behaviour of mine in the past.

9:10 AM. The cat walks off. Cats are strange.

Spike agrees that cats are strange, but adds that strange isn't all that bad a thing.

I remark that he lives with four cats, and therefore is outnumbered each and every day. He admits that is the case.

10:35 AM. On my way home. Coming across a big mud puddle.

Oh, I can't resist....

10:40 AM. Mud, mud, mud! 

10:30 AM. Coming home. Covered in mud. Looking filthy. Feeling happy.

10:35 AM. The human is less than impressed by how muddy I am. Informs me that it's time for a bath.

Wait a minute, no one said anything about a bath!

10:45 AM. Being subjected to the atrocities of a bath. That water is cold, human! Even for summer!

10:50 AM. The human has finished scrubbing me down with the Towel of Torment.

I'll just have to spend more time in a mud puddle....

12:30 PM. The human is having lunch. I use my sad eyes expression to get a ham and cheese sandwich out of her.

Yum yum yum!

5:25 PM. Awake from a nap. Feel like heading outside. Maybe I can find that mud puddle again...

5:40 PM. The human saw right through my attempts to get out to the mud puddle by taking me for a walk on a leash, of all things.

I hope that cat doesn't see me like this....

6:35 PM. The human is making French toast. One of my very favourites too...

6:55 PM. The human gives me a few slices of French toast on a plate. Though she doesn't add maple syrup to it for some reason. You know, human, I'm not that sloppy an eater...

And don't bring up the spaghetti incident.

7:00 PM. Lying in the living room quite content after a meal of French toast. Yum yum yum...

9:55 PM. The human is watching a baseball game. I'm afraid I don't get the point to running around that diamond thing.

Is it for the same reason that dogs chase their tails?

And why is that fan holding up a sign reading Bartman Must Die? Who's Bartman?

11:05 PM. Game's over. The Cubs have lost by a score of twenty to one. The human says that happens a lot.

The human bids me good night and heads upstairs. 

Bye, human. I'll stay down here awhile and try to figure out why Cubs fans would want Bartman dead.


  1. here do u get this stuff? The little guy in camo sleeping is mind boggling! This post is too funny and adorable! Made my day,

  2. I can relate to all the tired dog pictures I had to get up at 4:00 a.m. Sunday to drive my son to the airport and I still haven't recovered!


  3. This post has been screened and approved by Fiona who said she liked it but insists that next time you should get a little syrup for your French toast.

  4. Loved the doggy pictures. It's still a good thing the cat never met our hound dogs. One neighbor's cat didn't survive the encounter.

  5. I can't decide which pooch I like best. It's not like the cats...dogs don't have a Grumpy Cat equivalent!

  6. Absolutely Fabulous !
    The last little puppy it the best.

    cheers, parsnip

  7. You always combine the right pictures and words to make a very enjoyable read William..
    p.s. I relate to 'just pour the coffee and step away slowly' :)

  8. Yes, for some reason dogs can't understand why cats deserve to sit on chairs and sofas and beds... After all, they bathe themselves in cat spit so that can't be that clean.

  9. Grins from the cats at "sign of authority".
    Jane x

  10. Love all the dog pics, of course.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  11. Awesome post! I can't decide which pic I like best ;)

  12. @Cheryl: from all over!

    @Deb: early mornings are no fun!

    @Eve: met with Fiona level approval? Good!

    @Mari: some dogs are like that...

    @Norma: And there's only so many times you can put in a pic of Fluffy Destroyer of Worlds.

  13. @Parsnip: thanks!

    @Grace: it's a fitting pic!

    @Cheryl: cats are mysterious critters...

    @Jane and Chris: of course the kitties would approve of that one!

    @Shelly: thank you!

    @Auden: thanks!

  14. I love the comics you post. The jail break is hilarious.

  15. William, you put an amazing amount of work and energy and time into your posts. I get tired just thinking about all that work.

  16. Always love your witty posts, William, as they never cease to make me *smile*. Will you be posting a letter in the near future? x

  17. Your dog posts always remind me of the dogs I had growing up. Bath time was always a challenge! One summer we gave our long haired shepherd a bath, but he ran away before we could finish the job. When he returned from wherever he'd been, it smelled like he'd mildewed!

  18. Aw, that little puppy at the end is the best.:)

  19. Incredible selection here! I love the target sighted noms away photo somehow, what a perfect capture of doggie-ness!! Well all these are pretty perfect, really!

  20. @Christine: thanks!

    @Jack: it does take time!

    @Lynn: I haven't decided if Spike's a genius or eccentric.

    @Cindy: when's the last time I wrote a letter?

    @Maria: I'm sure he had fun being gone from the bath!

    @Krisztina: isn't he?

    @LondonLulu: thank you!


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