A Day In The Life Of A Cat

As is always the case, the cat must get the last word in on these things, what with being a supreme being walking the earth.

7:00 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Dreamed of vast fields of catnip.

7:02 AM. An examination of the exterior from the back of the couch. Some flying lunches pecking around in the grass. If it wasn't for this glass, I'd be hunting you right now...

7:09 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs. Come on, staff, I don't have all day. I've got things that need to get done. 

7:18 AM. The staff finally gets downstairs. It's about time, staff. Are you aware I've already been up nearly twenty minutes and have thus far been deprived of food?

7:20 AM. Articulating my wishes for breakfast to the staff. I must be very precise with her, after all. She keeps giving me field rations despite my many protests that they are not to my liking.

7:22 AM. The staff puts my breakfast down for me. The plate of chicken and the bowl of milk are welcome. However, she has also put down a bowl of field rations. 

7:24 AM. I have finished with the chicken and the milk. I am entirely ignoring the field rations, and will leave the staff to have her breakfast in peace and quiet.

7:34 AM. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the barking of that idiot mutt from down the road. I don't understand the purpose of dogs. I'm just saying.

7:40 AM. The staff is heading out the front door to go to that work place she insists on being in most of the week. Very well, staff. Remember, we're running low on milk.

7:42 AM. The staff drives out to the road in her car. Well, techically speaking it's my car, since I own this house and everything in it, including the staff.

8:01 AM. Watching the Weather Network. Possibility of storms this evening. I can live with that.

8:20 AM. Okay, I think that a nap is in order.

11:23 AM. Waking up feeling well rested. And a bit hungry.

11:25 AM. An examination of the kitchen has determined that the only food out in the open is that bowl of field rations.

Oh well. What must be done, must be done.

1:30 PM. Down the road, I can hear the barking of that foul mutt. The mailman must be making deliveries.

What is it with dogs and mailmen?

2:10 PM. Zoomies from basement to second floor.

4:48 PM. Woken from second nap by staff opening the front door.

5:03 PM. Supervising the staff as she unpacks some groceries. Ah, yes. The milk. Very good, staff.

6:27 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's cut up some meatloaf for me into bite sized pieces, which I much appreciate. She insists on having broccoli with hers for some reason.

6:54 PM. Leaving my staff to do the dishes. After all, you know how cats feel about water.

8:23 PM. Lying in the living room, pondering the mysteries of existence. Did the ball of string come before the cat?

11:38 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. Sleep well.

11:59 PM. Lightning and thunder outside. I have come upstairs to safe guard my staff and am engaged in making biscuits on the blankets at present.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 It is time, once again, for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, I start with the dog, who gets so easily distracted all the time.

07:03 AM. Waking up. Big stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of chasing squirrels.

07:05 AM. Checking outside. No sign of squirrels. More's the pity.

07:09 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs. After all, breakfast won't see to itself, and I lack opposable thumbs.

07:20 AM. The human finally comes downstairs. I thump my tail furiously on the floor in greetings. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn't it? Say, have you put any thought into my breakfast?

7:22 AM. Watching the human pour me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:23 AM. Have polished off the kibbles, two seconds short of my all time fastest record.

That was good.

7:26 AM. Making inquiries with the human about getting out for a run.

7:27 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:36 AM. Running through the back fields, as happy as I can be. Life is good!

7:51 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:53 AM. After the customary doggie greetings, Spike and I discuss matters of the greatest significance. The consistency of kibble. What the squirrels are up to. And does it involve a secret alliance with the mailman.

8:00 AM. Parting ways with Spike, who assures me he'll keep an eye out for that awful mailman.

8:20 AM. Splashing through the creek in the woods. Nice and cool.

8:35 AM. Barking to let the human know I've returned. Human! It is I, Loki! Annoyer of Mailmen and Chewer of Slippers!

8:36 AM. The human intercepts me from getting inside and applies the Towel of Torment. Human! I'm only a little wet. And there is no such thing as wet dog smell.

10:35 AM. Mooching a cookie off the human while she has her morning coffee break.

12:21 PM. Mooching a ham and cheese sandwich from the human.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he stops at the mailbox and drops off stuff. Get lost, you fiend!!!!

3:14 PM. The human is having afternoon tea. I have scarfed a cookie from her.

4:00 PM. Watching the Weather Channel. Possibility of thunderstorms tonight.

Uh oh....

6:25 PM. The human has made bacon pancakes for dinner tonight. I have a plate set aside for me.

Yummy!

8:47 PM. Pondering life's great mysteries. How much is that doggie in the window?

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human. Sleep well.

11:58 PM. A sudden bolt of lightning and thunder outside. I respond by running like hell upstairs and hiding under the human's bed where it's safe. 

Any idea when the thunder will end?

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

 And now it is time for the perspective of the cat, who must always get the last word in.

7:04 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Dreamed of revenge against my enemies.

7:06 AM. Inspecting the exterior from the back of the couch. Flying lunches pecking about in the grass. 

7:10 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. How long will she take today?

7:15 AM. Come on, staff, get down here. I can't be waiting all day. I've been up eleven minutes already and I'm starving.

7:21 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff, I was about to send a search party after you. Now then, let's see to breakfast, shall we?

7:23 AM. Making my preferences known as the staff works on my breakfast. No field rations, are we clear on that? I don't want to see field rations today.

7:24 AM. The staff puts my breakfast on the floor. The bowl of milk and plate of tuna are welcome. The bowl of field rations is not.

7:26 AM. I have finished breakfast. The milk and tuna have been consumed. The field rations have been ignored.

7:34 AM. Somewhere in the distance that idiot dog from down the road is barking his head off.

7:42 AM. The staff is on her way out the door to go to that work place. Staff? Remember to buy milk on your way home.

7:45 AM. Watching the staff depart the property in the car. Now then, what's on the agenda for today?

8:02 AM. The Weather Channel tells me there's a storm coming tonight. Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, as a wise man once said.

8:36 AM. I think a nap is in order.

11:29 AM. Waking up. Feeling hungry.

11:30 AM. Oh, that's right. There's only field rations left in the open.

Oh well, if I must, I must.

1:30 PM. Somewhere in the distance that dumb hound is barking. The mailman must be stopping by his place.

4:40 PM. The staff returns home. With groceries. Very good, staff.

4:45 PM. Supervising the staff as she unpacks groceries. I see catnip. I also see milk. Staff? You may deserve some purrs and snuggles tonight.

5:39 PM. Watching the staff making dinner. Ground beef is involved.

6:38 PM. The staff is having spaghetti and meatballs. She's made some meatballs for me. Very good, staff.

8:10 PM. Lightning and thunder outside. No worries, staff. You've got me to purr beside you and keep the thunder away.

9:00 PM. The storm continues. Like two cats in a territory fight.

11:36 PM. The storm appears to have ended for the night. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff, and sleep well. But keep the doors open. I have zoomies scheduled at three in the morning.