Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog gets the first word in.

7:03 AM. Waking up at home. Slept exceedingly well. One always sleeps well when one’s had a slice of pizza the human didn’t account for last night.

7:05 AM. A look out the window. Something of a brooding looking sky. We might get rain. Or, on the other hand, it might just be one of those days when it looks like it’s going to rain all day, but never does.

7:08 AM. Looking at the stairs. Wondering if I should go up and get the human downstairs. I mean, I can be patient and everything, but some things require seeing to. Such as breakfast. Breakfast is good, breakfast is fine, breakfast is quite a wonderful thing. Have I mentioned I like breakfast?

7:17 AM. The human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! I was just about to come up and bark at you, but here you are! Well, I don’t know about you, but speaking strictly for myself, I can honestly say I’ve worked up quite an appetite. Say, do you think we could do something about that?

7:19 AM. Wagging my tail as the human pours kibbles into my bowl. Waiting for that great moment when she puts it back down on the floor...

7:20 AM. Licking my chops after wolfing down breakfast. Yum yum yum!

7:22 AM. The human’s heating up some of the leftover pizza from last night. I am maintaining a look of complete innocence as she wonders about the count of leftover slices. 

7:25 AM. The human lets me out the door for a run. Bye, human!

7:34 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Woof woof woof!

7:42 AM. Splashing about in the creek out in the woods. Having the time of my life.

7:46 AM. Finished playing, striding up through the woods. Taking a glance at myself. Hmmm, it appears I’m a wee bit muddy.

7:50 AM. Emerging from the tree line, and finding myself at the property that belongs to that cranky cat. Shall I go see if she’s around?

7:51 AM. Coming to the back deck of the house. Haven’t spotted her ye.... wait a minute, there she is, fast asleep on the deck, right close to the edge. Should I say hello? Or should I be a good doggie and just turn around and go? Decisions, decisions....

7:52 AM. ....On the one hand, there’s my reputation as a good dog to consider, and I am a good dog, no matter what the mailman and the vet and the mayor and the minister at St. Alban’s might say. On the other hand, what good is being good if you can’t have a little fun every once in awhile, am I right? Of course I’m right.

7:53 AM. Trotting up to the kitty, as quiet as I can. Fortunately she hasn’t woken up yet. Okay, Loki, you’re going to have to time this close. Be ready to sprint for the treeline as fast as possible, because this is probably going to get her annoyed...

7:54 AM. One woof has the cat scrambling up to her feet in a rush. I am already bolting for the trees before she knows what happened.

7:55 AM. Have successfully gotten back into the woods. The cat is hissing like mad out on her lawn, cursing my name in all sorts of creative ways. Oh, Loki. One of these days, your capacity for mischief is going to get you in real trouble, you know...

8:09 AM. Returning home. Barking to let the human know I have returned.

8:10 AM. The human opens the door... and bars my entry. Wait a minute, what’s this about?

8:12 AM. The human is giving me a bath with the garden hose. Oh, come on, human, I already took a bath, and besides, the mud dried up! Now it’s going to be all wet again.

8:16 AM. Subjected to the Towel of Torment. You know, this wouldn’t have been happening if you’d just let me in. That mud was perfectly dry, would have just gradually fallen off my fur, and you could have cleaned it all up with that machine you call the vacuum cleaner and that I call the Awful Noise Of Perdition.

8:19 AM. The human pronounces me clean and fit to go inside. Good. Oh, by the way, if the cat from down the road happens to call, I deny everything.

2:23 PM. Keeping an eye on the human while she’s running chores down around the barn. I firmly believe that if it wasn’t for dogs supervising them, humans would get into trouble. I learned that from Lassie. That, and kids named Timmy tend to be rather slow.

6:30 PM. Dinner with the human. She’s having shepherd’s pie. I’ve gotten a plate of ground beef. Just as well. Could never understand the appeal of peas, and besides, the human thinks I’d make a mess of such a meal. Are we still holding the spaghetti incident against me, human?

8:49 PM. Lying on the living room floor on my back, legs up in the air, thumping my tail. Contemplating geophysics. If a dog thumps its tail on the floor, can it be registered on the Richter scale?

11:32 PM. The human is off to bed. Very well, human. Good night. Sleep well. I’ll keep an eye out on the house overnight. Just in case that cranky cat decides to show up in the middle of the night and even the score with me. Do cats hold a grudge? That’s never been quite clear to me.


  1. Ha ha - I'm going to need this post again next Monday when I go back to work.

  2. Ha! Herding- you're doing it wrong.

  3. Oh, how your doggie blog always makes me laugh! And I can certainly use a good laugh today.

    By the way, that surprise hug reminds me of someone I know who always does things like that to someone who hates being hugged!

  4. The flying white puppy was adorable.

  5. The "this is my cat" one is insightful. Dogs are so pleased to have something, anything. "It is mine" is reason enough to love it.

  6. I see Fluffy, Destroyer of Worlds, in the mix!

  7. I noticed the chihuahua race is under-represented but I'm glad I know how important breakfast is. Very cute.

    1. I'll have to find more chihuahuas. There are lots of pugs memes out there.


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