A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time again for the point of view of the dog and cat, starting as always with the perspective of the dog appropriately named Loki...

7:02 AM. Waking up. Slept soundly. Dreamed of chasing the mailman off a cliff.

7:04 AM. Looking outside. Pleasant weather. The sort of weather that makes you think it’s going to be a wonderful day today. The sort of day when nothing bad can possibly happen to a good dog. And I am a good dog. A very good dog!

7:10 AM. Staring out the window at all those birds picking away on the grass. Enjoy it while you can, birdies, because the moment my human opens that back door, I’ll be charging out barking my head off. After breakfast, of course. Breakfast is a priority. 

7:15 AM. The human comes downstairs. I proceed to thump my tail and wag my tongue in greetings. Hello, human! Fine morning, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a bit peckish. I mean, it’s been nearly ten hours since I swiped that cookie you don’t know about, and I haven’t had a bite to eat since.

7:17 AM. Wagging my tail at the sound of that joyful sound- kibbles being poured into my bowl. Oh boy!

7:18 AM. Licking my chops after devouring the whole bowlful. This morning’s breakfast has been consumed just three seconds shy of my all time fastest record.

7:20 AM. Asking the human to let me out. I’ve got some birds to go bark at, you know.

7:21 AM. Sprinting out the door. Barking and sending the birds into a flutter of flapping wings.

7:27 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Happy as I can possibly be.

7:33 AM. Exploring the woods. Sniffing about. Using a certain degree of caution. Wouldn’t want to startle a skunk now, would I?

7:42 AM. Stopping by to say hello to Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

7:44 AM. Spike and I confer on all matters of consequence. The fact that this being the weekend means the mailman isn’t coming. Enemy movements of the squirrels in the night. And the texture and taste differences of Milkbone versus the generic variety of dog treat.

7:46 AM. Spike and I discuss the prospect that summer is ending. Yes, soon it will be fall, and all those leaves will be falling off the trees, waking us up at three in the morning as they rustle against the window. And as we both know, getting woken up at three in the morning obliges us to start barking our head off. Which for some reason or another tends to irritate our humans. I don’t know why, you’d think they’d appreciate our response time being so good, but apparently not...

7:51 AM. Well, Spike, I’ve got to get going. My human needs supervision, after all. 

8:06 AM. Returning home. Barking to signal my human that I have returned.

8:07 AM. The human opens the door for me. Never fear, human, I have not been in any puddles or streams, and I have not been rolling around in anything that might strike you as pungent, so there’s no need to give me a bath.

10:14 AM. Have successfully mooched a couple of cookies from the human while she’s having tea. Yum yum yum!

10:22 AM. Out on the porch. You know, with this nice sun, what would come in handy right about now? A good nap. Yes, that would be just about right. A good doze and a lot of warm. Settling down. Closing my eyes. Nothing can possibly disrupt my sleep.

10:55 AM. Woken up suddenly from a sound sleep by a loud, piercing hiss and what feels like a sharp jab at my snout. Bolting upright in a stupor. What was that? Who’s there, who.... wait. Focusing. It’s the cranky cat from down the road, glaring at me. And sticking out her tongue.

10:56 AM. The cranky cat walks away, looking rather pleased with herself. I’m too dumbfounded to follow. Which is probably a good thing. 

11:03 AM. The human lets me in. I’m still beside myself. Human? Tell me, and be honest. After all that time that I’ve pestered that cat, going on her property, barking at her while she’s in a sound sleep, I mean, even the stuff you don’t know about....  did I have that coming?

12:18 PM. Mooching a ham and cheese sandwich from the human. Yum yum yum!

3:48 PM. The human is out by the barn. I’m up at the house when the phone rings. Despite my better judgment, I knock it off the handle and listen. There are three heckling meows. It’s that cranky cat, taunting me! I bark up a storm.

4:00 PM. The human returns inside. I’m faking being asleep. No, I have no idea how that phone got off the hook. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 

6:22 PM. Dinner with the human. Bacon pancakes always hits the spot.

11:41 PM. The human is off to bed. Very well, human. Have a good night. Sleep well. If I happen to start barking at three in the morning, don’t hold it against me. It’s either a serial killer scratching at the window, or a rustle of tree branches. I can’t really tell the difference that time of night anyway.