Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, April 21, 2014

An Easter Weekend Day In The Life Of A Cat

Have you woken up with a chocolate sugar hangover this morning? Good. The only cure is more Easter chocolate. Before we get started today, some links for you to check out. Yesterday being a Snippet Sunday, Norma had a post up at her blog. And we had one as well at the joint blog. Shelly's dogs had their holiday greetings. Krisztina had some ideas at her blog for deviled eggs. Whisk had some timely advice. And Cheryl had this crime blotter feature at her blog. Now then, it's the cat's turn to shine with her take on the Easter weekend. Hide the catnip.

8:10 AM. Waking up. Big stretch required. Followed by enormous yawn. Best way to start the day. 

8:15 AM. I hear the staff upstairs. She's been pleased to have a four day weekend. I wouldn't call it a four day weekend. Instead of spending the whole four days catering to my whims, she was gone all day yesterday to visit that sister, her idiot husband, and their annoying children. I suppose it could have been worse. First, she didn't dress me up in a bunny costume for Easter photos. Second, the annoying relations didn't come here.

8:17 AM. Looking outside. The snow we had the other day finally seems to be melting. I think I'll have an excursion outside, see if I can dig around in the garden yet. Breakfast first, though, and the staff had better not be giving me field rations.

8:30 AM. Hello, staff. It's about time you got downstairs. How about you make yourself useful and feed me?

8:33 AM. I sigh with absolute dismay and roll my eyes. Why am I burdened with a staff that keeps insisting on feeding me field rations for breakfast?

8:50 AM. After some reluctance, I eat field rations.

9:10 AM. The staff lets me out to explore. Understand, staff, I expect you to be here when I'm back. There will be none of this you being gone for hours on end and locking me outside, is that clear?

9:20 AM. Padding around in the garden, still half covered in snow. Ground's still frozen. Oh, well.

9:35 AM. On my patrols. A robin is chattering away in the trees above me. Unfortunately out of reach, or I'd have myself a nice morning snack. Yes, well, you should have delayed your return for a week. Don't give me that kind of attitude!

9:47 AM. Coming across a puddle of meltwater. I look around at it, judging its depth. Would it make more sense to go around, go through, or just turn around and go home?

9:48 AM. Testing the water with a paw. Dear Isis, that's cold!

9:50 AM. I think I'll just go back home and order the staff around.

10:05 AM. Well, hello there, staff. I approve of the fact that you didn't leave without my permission.

10:10 AM. The staff is having tea. I stare at her intently. She gives in and pours some of it onto the saucer. I start lapping it up. Some good hot Earl Grey always hits the spot. It would go even better with liver cookies, but for some strange reason you don't bake those.

1:10 PM. Waking up from nap. Big stretch. Feeling nicely rested. Where would the staff be? I seek attention.

1:11 PM. I find the staff in the den doing some reading. Naturally I must take the most convenient place in the house. Despite the fact that it'll end her reading time.

1:12 PM. Have gotten up onto the staff's lap and have succeeded in covering over her book. She tut-tuts in annoyance. I respond by rolling over onto my back and purring. She can never resist my purrs.

1:13 PM. The staff is giving me a belly rub. Perfect. I can bend you to my will every time.

2:05 PM. The staff finally sets me on the floor. Hey, wait a minute, I didn't give you permission to do that!

2:20 PM. Watching the staff do some baking. Checking her cookbook on the table. Carrot cake? Oh, I like carrot cake.

Staff, clearly you require supervision. I volunteer. In return, I expect the first helping of carrot cake.

2:45 PM. The staff continues to bake. I continue to supervise. She's in a downtime right now, and is helping herself to some of that Easter chocolate.

I must say, staff, it seems perplexing to this cat to try to understand what rabbits have to do with Easter.

And why on Earth won't you let me have some of that chocolate? Don't give me that look and tell me it's not good for me!

2:50 PM. The staff tells me that chocolate can be as good as sex, if not better. Yes, well, I've seen some of your previous mistakes in regards to taste of men, so that goes without saying.

2:55 PM. I wonder if I was a dog, would she give me chocolate? Oh, what am I saying? Why would I ever want to be such a low form of life?

3:10 PM. The staff and I have pieces of warm carrot cake. You know, you didn't need to break it up for me. And where's the icing? There's supposed to be icing.

7:05 PM. Having dinner with the staff. She tends to be much better in the evenings than breakfast. I get chunks of beef with milk on the side. Quite tasty, staff.

11:10 PM. The staff is off to bed. Already? She says she has work tomorrow. 

You know, I resent the fact that this work thing takes you away from your primary function in life: catering to my every whim.


  1. Cat and I have so much in common.. One thing being our love of Earl Grey tea, having a nice hot cup right now :)

  2. The world needs more cats...and less people.
    Jane x

  3. I know that cat doesn't think he's going to come out victorious over that eagle! He looks like he's ready to pounce into a nicely gripped talon! LOL

  4. The cat trying to get rid of the dog reminds me of a cat I once had. I caught her carefully leading the new puppy up the driveway toward the road.

  5. Had to have a bit of the hair of the dog--er, cat--on the Easter candy this morning :)

  6. @Grace: a cup of Earl Grey with an obscene amount of sugar for me.

    @Jane and Chris: oh yes!

    @Diane: my money's on the cat.

    @Cheryl: devious kitty!

    @Meradeth: the chocolate's so tempting, after all...

  7. Alas poor Yorick these cat pictures are hilarious.

  8. Grumpy Cat as Darth is just awesome! I'm laughing so hard right now

  9. Where can I buy Fifty Shades of NO?

    I love Grumpy Cat!

  10. We lost our dog to cancer. We now have two cats. Or, rather, they have us. And they're getting so big, I can barely get into the bed anymore. If I try to move them with my foot, they bite my toes.

    We get along pretty well, although the other day one of them opened the door to the pantry by jumping up and pulling down the handle, found her food dish, dragged it over to me, wrapped her paws around my legs, looked up at me and meowed.

    So, I fed the damn thing; then it went to sleep for the rest of the day with a "gotcha!" look on her face.

    I just purred.

  11. Oh to be a cat! I'm pretty sure I was one in my past life. :)

  12. @Deb: thanks!

    @Kelly: she fits the bill!

    @Norma: she's such a sweetie!

    @Lynn: mine too!

    @Lowell: cats are the ones in charge.

    @PK: I suspect I was once a cat.


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