Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, October 13, 2012

A Day In The Life Of A Dog



7:35 AM. Waking up to sound of human awake upstairs. Will sit at bottom of stairs and stare intently.



7:55 AM. Human jolts when she sees me as she lumbers down the steps. Tells me not to startle her. Oh, come now, what about a bit of fun first thing in the morning?

Now then, where's my breakfast? I can't make breakfast myself....


8:05 AM. Human has had her morning coffee. Says something about visitors coming today as she pours me a bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum! My very favourite!


8:06 AM. After scarfing down breakfast inside of twenty seconds flat, the human lets me out for my morning run. Off to race like a lunatic. Maybe chase a squirrel. Stupid squirrels. If I ever get my paws on one of those....


10:15 AM. Coming home at last after running through that stream in the back woods, sprinting through the meadows and fields, and barking at birds. All in all, a productive doggie morning. Feeling like a nap. Settling down on front porch. Must circle around four times before actually lying down.


12:25 PM. Woken up by sound of car door closing. Childish voices. Open eyes. See woman and three kids. Oh, no. My human's sister. And her hellspawn rugrats.


12:26 PM. The rugrats have spotted me and start running and squealing. Can I make it past them if I sprint?


12:27 PM. The rugrats have intercepted me and piled on, giggling and laughing. Now they're yanking at my ears. Oh, wonderful. And if I happen to nip at them in protest, I'm the bad one.


12:30 PM. The sister is talking with my human. The rugrats are talking about making me their personal horse. Human, how long do I have to put up with this?


12:32 PM. The youngest one is pulling my tail now.

My tail!


1:05 PM. A moment's respite. The rugrats are having lunch with my human and her sister. Torn between running for my life or seeing if I can mooch something.


1:15 PM. Speculation over whether or not to run or mooch now at an end as the rugrats have finished up early and have come out to tackle me.

I had better get a big bone to chew, having to put up with this.


1:35 PM. The rugrats insist on having me tow them in a wagon. What did I ever do to deserve this? I just hope I don't get seen by other dogs. I'll never hear the end of it.

I really hope I don't get seen by a cat.


1:50 PM. I'm beyond exhausted. I need a nap. But the rugrats just won't let me stop!


2:25 PM. The rugrats continue to torment me, following me everywhere. I hope they don't get it into their heads to play dressup with me...


4:15 PM. Sanctuary! Please, someone give me sanctuary from the rugrats! They're pulling my ears again. Were these three raised in a barn?




4:57 PM. The rugrats are called in by their mother. They protest that they haven't finished playing with me yet. Oh yes you have. I can't take another minute of this!



5:15 PM. The human's sister finally gets all three of the rugrats into the car. I look up at the human as the sister drives away, with pleading eyes. Please, next time she brings them here... let me spend the day on a playdate with another doggie. I'll be ever so much happier...

At the very least, let me hide in the barn.


5:20 PM. Human gives me cookies. Oh, now this is more like it. This makes up for being tormented by rugrats. Yum yum yum.


6:35 PM. Human gives me dinner. Kibbles and canned meat. Yum yum yum....


7:45 PM. Wake up after nap. Had nightmares of rugrats coming back for the night.



9:55 PM. Human tells me I was a good dog for putting up with her nephew and nieces all day.

Well, sure, but that doesn't mean I want to do that on a regular basis, okay?


11:25 PM. Human decides to call it a night. Choose to stay down here. She pets me as she goes. Will try to get more sleep.

Hopefully I won't have more nightmares of rugrats.

Hopefully human doesn't decide to have kids herself.


17 comments:

  1. I feel their pain. Poor pups! (The one in the sprinkler looks a little like Sir Poops....)

    I told our property manager I'd like to see more dogs around here and fewer kids. The dogs are better behaved.

    Great post, as always!

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  2. As usual you have found the best photos ever but the "There, there Ugly bald puppy" is so sweet !

    Agree with Norma, I though the same thing about the sprinkler photo, looks like Sir Poops.

    Hey where are the Scotties ?

    cheers, parsnip

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  3. opps ! forgot where did you find the first photo ?

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  4. Oh how cute William. Thanks. I loved it and worry about Fiona who had to stay a week with some of our rugrat relatives. She'll be more spastic than ever!!
    That guy with the giant lapdog is hilarious!

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  5. @Norma: the dogs are better house trained too...

    @Parsnip: I do have a good Scottie one in a future blog, as I recall. I have no idea where I found that first pic....

    @Eve: Fiona won't like that one bit!

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  6. The next time you do a dog blog, you should include dogs from blogs: Sir Poops and Hair Ball, Watson and Hamish, and Fiona, for starters....

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  7. ...ugly bald puppy. Hee hee hee. My dog likes to talk to squirrels. "Hey, jerk! Get off my fence."

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  8. Awwww why is that policeman frisking that poor doggie!!?!?!

    Take care
    x

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  9. Love that first photo! I had to keep looking and looking to figure out it wasn't really a dog!

    Was it?

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  10. @Norma: I'll have to figure out a way!

    @Karla: I wonder what the baby was thinking...

    @Old Kitty: the poor puppy!

    @Cheryl: some very creative photoshopping!

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  11. Oh man's best friend! I love the "There there ugly bald puppy" for some reason - wonderful peek into the brain of a pooch. I wonder what one would think of this? :)

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  12. We'll just say it. We want a melting dog.

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  13. @LondonLulu: I thought that pic was priceless!

    @Deb: thanks!

    @Scarlett and James: the melting dog is irresistable...

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  14. I love the sheepdog sharing a chair with a human- just like home to me!

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  15. So unfair--the dog is "the bad one" for nipping in protest!

    The pictures had me laughing so hard the kids came running to see what I was looking at! Love the meth lab;).

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  16. @Lynn: he looks so comfy, doesn't he?

    @Maria: thank you very much!

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