Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

We're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat... I Mean, Bigger Book

"...The idea was, shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark will go away. But sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that high pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and hollerin' they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks. Maybe a thousand. I know how many men. They averaged six men an hour. I know, 'cause they came after me after four o'clock that day. The shark come up and bit me in two, and I bled out to death. What, you didn't know I was a ghost, fellas? Well I am, and let me tell ya... oh, come on, Steven! Let me improvise the line! Actors all like to improvise! Besides, this version works better! What do you mean, you have to talk to Benchley? Who cares what he thinks? He's only the writer! Hell, that didn't stop you from removin' that sex scene between Brody's wife and Hooper that was in the book!" ~ Robert Shaw, on the set of Jaws

In case you're thinking this is another shark blog, it's not... just my way of messing with your heads a bit. I was thinking of a title for this one, and well, once I had that title, I just had to play around with a bit of dialogue.

Anyway, the point to today's blog... a book that we all need.

Usually numerous volumes so that we can fill it up.

Rumor has it Gandhi had forty eight volumes filled with names.

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado....


  1. I update mine every year. Each volume is larger than the Manhattan phone book....

  2. Okay, you messed with my head and I liked it.

  3. Perfect !
    and super funny.

    cheers, parsnip

  4. Ut-oh...and yes, you got me.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  5. Mess with my head using the resplendent Robert Shaw anytime!

    I don't use the book system for People I Want to Punch in the Face anymore. My current method is to keep the image of a face in mind during the kicking and punching of a Tae Bo workout.

  6. I don't have names of people I want to punch in the face, just a list of people I thank God every day I'm able to avoid.

  7. I'm the original hippy William, make love not war and all that, there will be no face punching for moi haha! As far as sharks go..have you heard how many fatal attacks we've had this year, not it!

  8. Dear Sir, Please erase my name from the book, "People You Want To Punch In The Face" and add it to the book, "People You Are Just Slightly Annoyed By." Thank you.

  9. @Norma: that's big!

    @Eve: I shall now take a bow!

    @Parsnip, Undercover, and Shelly: thank you!

    @Lynn: that works for me!

    @Diane: a good alternative!

    @Carla: it is!

    @Perth: quite a lot of that happens down there, as I recall...

    @Deb: Okay, but I'll be expecting a yearly supply of chocolates...

    @Kelly: I couldn't resist!

  10. My book's called "Big Faceless Companies I Want to Take Down" but the content is pretty similar.

  11. I think the act of compiling that book would be truly therapeutic (and cheaper than therapy!). As for sharks, there were healthy shark populations where I grew up and boy, those creatures scare me to death!

    Thank you for dropping by, I'm happy it led me back here.

  12. YES. I am starting my own volume of that book. I should have started one when all the hoopla surrounding the current U.S. Presidential election got underway what feels like about 14 years ago.

    BTW, (film nerd alert!) I heard that Robert Shaw really did improvise that whole speech on the Jaws set. Roy Scheider came up with the "bigger boat" line on the spot too.

  13. Loved your curve ball! And I so agree with the commenter about thanking God for avoiding some people.

  14. There's just one person currently on my list! But I could punch him over and over and over and over.

  15. Ha ha. You'd need a pocket version to keep with you everywhere you go.

  16. @Helen: that would come in more than handy!

    @LondonLulu: just the sort of book to get a lot off the proverbial chest!

    @Maegan: it's one of my favourite moments in the film. Later I found out that the story of the Indianapolis itself actually did happen...

  17. @Kittie: thanks!

    @Krisztina: #1 on my list is my idiot ex-brother-in-law Mike. When that moron bites the dust, I will celebrate...

    @Christine: just the essential names, of course...


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