Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, October 13, 2012

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:35 AM. Waking up to sound of human awake upstairs. Will sit at bottom of stairs and stare intently.

7:55 AM. Human jolts when she sees me as she lumbers down the steps. Tells me not to startle her. Oh, come now, what about a bit of fun first thing in the morning?

Now then, where's my breakfast? I can't make breakfast myself....

8:05 AM. Human has had her morning coffee. Says something about visitors coming today as she pours me a bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum! My very favourite!

8:06 AM. After scarfing down breakfast inside of twenty seconds flat, the human lets me out for my morning run. Off to race like a lunatic. Maybe chase a squirrel. Stupid squirrels. If I ever get my paws on one of those....

10:15 AM. Coming home at last after running through that stream in the back woods, sprinting through the meadows and fields, and barking at birds. All in all, a productive doggie morning. Feeling like a nap. Settling down on front porch. Must circle around four times before actually lying down.

12:25 PM. Woken up by sound of car door closing. Childish voices. Open eyes. See woman and three kids. Oh, no. My human's sister. And her hellspawn rugrats.

12:26 PM. The rugrats have spotted me and start running and squealing. Can I make it past them if I sprint?

12:27 PM. The rugrats have intercepted me and piled on, giggling and laughing. Now they're yanking at my ears. Oh, wonderful. And if I happen to nip at them in protest, I'm the bad one.

12:30 PM. The sister is talking with my human. The rugrats are talking about making me their personal horse. Human, how long do I have to put up with this?

12:32 PM. The youngest one is pulling my tail now.

My tail!

1:05 PM. A moment's respite. The rugrats are having lunch with my human and her sister. Torn between running for my life or seeing if I can mooch something.

1:15 PM. Speculation over whether or not to run or mooch now at an end as the rugrats have finished up early and have come out to tackle me.

I had better get a big bone to chew, having to put up with this.

1:35 PM. The rugrats insist on having me tow them in a wagon. What did I ever do to deserve this? I just hope I don't get seen by other dogs. I'll never hear the end of it.

I really hope I don't get seen by a cat.

1:50 PM. I'm beyond exhausted. I need a nap. But the rugrats just won't let me stop!

2:25 PM. The rugrats continue to torment me, following me everywhere. I hope they don't get it into their heads to play dressup with me...

4:15 PM. Sanctuary! Please, someone give me sanctuary from the rugrats! They're pulling my ears again. Were these three raised in a barn?

4:57 PM. The rugrats are called in by their mother. They protest that they haven't finished playing with me yet. Oh yes you have. I can't take another minute of this!

5:15 PM. The human's sister finally gets all three of the rugrats into the car. I look up at the human as the sister drives away, with pleading eyes. Please, next time she brings them here... let me spend the day on a playdate with another doggie. I'll be ever so much happier...

At the very least, let me hide in the barn.

5:20 PM. Human gives me cookies. Oh, now this is more like it. This makes up for being tormented by rugrats. Yum yum yum.

6:35 PM. Human gives me dinner. Kibbles and canned meat. Yum yum yum....

7:45 PM. Wake up after nap. Had nightmares of rugrats coming back for the night.

9:55 PM. Human tells me I was a good dog for putting up with her nephew and nieces all day.

Well, sure, but that doesn't mean I want to do that on a regular basis, okay?

11:25 PM. Human decides to call it a night. Choose to stay down here. She pets me as she goes. Will try to get more sleep.

Hopefully I won't have more nightmares of rugrats.

Hopefully human doesn't decide to have kids herself.


  1. I feel their pain. Poor pups! (The one in the sprinkler looks a little like Sir Poops....)

    I told our property manager I'd like to see more dogs around here and fewer kids. The dogs are better behaved.

    Great post, as always!

  2. As usual you have found the best photos ever but the "There, there Ugly bald puppy" is so sweet !

    Agree with Norma, I though the same thing about the sprinkler photo, looks like Sir Poops.

    Hey where are the Scotties ?

    cheers, parsnip

  3. opps ! forgot where did you find the first photo ?

  4. Oh how cute William. Thanks. I loved it and worry about Fiona who had to stay a week with some of our rugrat relatives. She'll be more spastic than ever!!
    That guy with the giant lapdog is hilarious!

  5. @Norma: the dogs are better house trained too...

    @Parsnip: I do have a good Scottie one in a future blog, as I recall. I have no idea where I found that first pic....

    @Eve: Fiona won't like that one bit!

  6. The next time you do a dog blog, you should include dogs from blogs: Sir Poops and Hair Ball, Watson and Hamish, and Fiona, for starters....

  7. ...ugly bald puppy. Hee hee hee. My dog likes to talk to squirrels. "Hey, jerk! Get off my fence."

  8. Awwww why is that policeman frisking that poor doggie!!?!?!

    Take care

  9. Love that first photo! I had to keep looking and looking to figure out it wasn't really a dog!

    Was it?

  10. @Norma: I'll have to figure out a way!

    @Karla: I wonder what the baby was thinking...

    @Old Kitty: the poor puppy!

    @Cheryl: some very creative photoshopping!

  11. Oh man's best friend! I love the "There there ugly bald puppy" for some reason - wonderful peek into the brain of a pooch. I wonder what one would think of this? :)

  12. We'll just say it. We want a melting dog.

  13. @LondonLulu: I thought that pic was priceless!

    @Deb: thanks!

    @Scarlett and James: the melting dog is irresistable...

  14. I love the sheepdog sharing a chair with a human- just like home to me!

  15. So unfair--the dog is "the bad one" for nipping in protest!

    The pictures had me laughing so hard the kids came running to see what I was looking at! Love the meth lab;).

  16. @Lynn: he looks so comfy, doesn't he?

    @Maria: thank you very much!


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