7:35 AM. Waking up to sound of human awake upstairs. Will sit at bottom of stairs and stare intently.
7:55 AM. Human jolts when she sees me as she lumbers down the steps. Tells me not to startle her. Oh, come now, what about a bit of fun first thing in the morning?
Now then, where's my breakfast? I can't make breakfast myself....
8:05 AM. Human has had her morning coffee. Says something about visitors coming today as she pours me a bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum! My very favourite!
8:06 AM. After scarfing down breakfast inside of twenty seconds flat, the human lets me out for my morning run. Off to race like a lunatic. Maybe chase a squirrel. Stupid squirrels. If I ever get my paws on one of those....
10:15 AM. Coming home at last after running through that stream in the back woods, sprinting through the meadows and fields, and barking at birds. All in all, a productive doggie morning. Feeling like a nap. Settling down on front porch. Must circle around four times before actually lying down.
12:25 PM. Woken up by sound of car door closing. Childish voices. Open eyes. See woman and three kids. Oh, no. My human's sister. And her hellspawn rugrats.
12:26 PM. The rugrats have spotted me and start running and squealing. Can I make it past them if I sprint?
12:27 PM. The rugrats have intercepted me and piled on, giggling and laughing. Now they're yanking at my ears. Oh, wonderful. And if I happen to nip at them in protest, I'm the bad one.
12:30 PM. The sister is talking with my human. The rugrats are talking about making me their personal horse. Human, how long do I have to put up with this?
12:32 PM. The youngest one is pulling my tail now.
1:05 PM. A moment's respite. The rugrats are having lunch with my human and her sister. Torn between running for my life or seeing if I can mooch something.
1:15 PM. Speculation over whether or not to run or mooch now at an end as the rugrats have finished up early and have come out to tackle me.
I had better get a big bone to chew, having to put up with this.
1:35 PM. The rugrats insist on having me tow them in a wagon. What did I ever do to deserve this? I just hope I don't get seen by other dogs. I'll never hear the end of it.
I really hope I don't get seen by a cat.
1:50 PM. I'm beyond exhausted. I need a nap. But the rugrats just won't let me stop!
2:25 PM. The rugrats continue to torment me, following me everywhere. I hope they don't get it into their heads to play dressup with me...
4:15 PM. Sanctuary! Please, someone give me sanctuary from the rugrats! They're pulling my ears again. Were these three raised in a barn?
4:57 PM. The rugrats are called in by their mother. They protest that they haven't finished playing with me yet. Oh yes you have. I can't take another minute of this!
5:15 PM. The human's sister finally gets all three of the rugrats into the car. I look up at the human as the sister drives away, with pleading eyes. Please, next time she brings them here... let me spend the day on a playdate with another doggie. I'll be ever so much happier...
At the very least, let me hide in the barn.
5:20 PM. Human gives me cookies. Oh, now this is more like it. This makes up for being tormented by rugrats. Yum yum yum.
6:35 PM. Human gives me dinner. Kibbles and canned meat. Yum yum yum....
7:45 PM. Wake up after nap. Had nightmares of rugrats coming back for the night.
9:55 PM. Human tells me I was a good dog for putting up with her nephew and nieces all day.
Well, sure, but that doesn't mean I want to do that on a regular basis, okay?
11:25 PM. Human decides to call it a night. Choose to stay down here. She pets me as she goes. Will try to get more sleep.
Hopefully I won't have more nightmares of rugrats.
Hopefully human doesn't decide to have kids herself.