A Day In The Life Of A Cat

 And now it is time for the perspective of the cat, who must always get the last word in.

7:04 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Dreamed of revenge against my enemies.

7:06 AM. Inspecting the exterior from the back of the couch. Flying lunches pecking about in the grass. 

7:10 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. How long will she take today?

7:15 AM. Come on, staff, get down here. I can't be waiting all day. I've been up eleven minutes already and I'm starving.

7:21 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff, I was about to send a search party after you. Now then, let's see to breakfast, shall we?

7:23 AM. Making my preferences known as the staff works on my breakfast. No field rations, are we clear on that? I don't want to see field rations today.

7:24 AM. The staff puts my breakfast on the floor. The bowl of milk and plate of tuna are welcome. The bowl of field rations is not.

7:26 AM. I have finished breakfast. The milk and tuna have been consumed. The field rations have been ignored.

7:34 AM. Somewhere in the distance that idiot dog from down the road is barking his head off.

7:42 AM. The staff is on her way out the door to go to that work place. Staff? Remember to buy milk on your way home.

7:45 AM. Watching the staff depart the property in the car. Now then, what's on the agenda for today?

8:02 AM. The Weather Channel tells me there's a storm coming tonight. Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, as a wise man once said.

8:36 AM. I think a nap is in order.

11:29 AM. Waking up. Feeling hungry.

11:30 AM. Oh, that's right. There's only field rations left in the open.

Oh well, if I must, I must.

1:30 PM. Somewhere in the distance that dumb hound is barking. The mailman must be stopping by his place.

4:40 PM. The staff returns home. With groceries. Very good, staff.

4:45 PM. Supervising the staff as she unpacks groceries. I see catnip. I also see milk. Staff? You may deserve some purrs and snuggles tonight.

5:39 PM. Watching the staff making dinner. Ground beef is involved.

6:38 PM. The staff is having spaghetti and meatballs. She's made some meatballs for me. Very good, staff.

8:10 PM. Lightning and thunder outside. No worries, staff. You've got me to purr beside you and keep the thunder away.

9:00 PM. The storm continues. Like two cats in a territory fight.

11:36 PM. The storm appears to have ended for the night. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff, and sleep well. But keep the doors open. I have zoomies scheduled at three in the morning.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 It is once again time for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, we start with the dog, who gets so easily distracted, after all.

6:54 AM. Waking up. Big stretch. Light outside. The days start so early these days, don't they? And here I am already behind in my to-do list. Top of the list? Breakfast.

7:00 AM. Looking outside. Birds busy pecking around at the ground for no reason. 

7:12 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs. After all, I can't get my breakfast sorted on my own.

7:20 AM. Thumping my tail furiously on the floor as the human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Great day, isn't it? Say, any thought to getting breakfast together yet? Just saying...

7:22 AM. The human is pouring me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:23 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast in near-record speed time.

That was good.

7:29 AM. Making inquiries with the human about letting me go out and have a run.

7:31 AM. The human lets me out for a run. Bye, human!

7:38 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Life is good!

7:52 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:54 AM. After the customary doggie greetings, Spike and I discuss the latest issues of concern. The velocity required to catch the mailman.What the squirrels are up to.

8:00 AM. Spike notes that we'll have thunderstorms in the night. Oh, brother, Spike. I don't like those one bit.

8:05 AM. Spike and I part ways after he assures me he'll keep me up to date on the arrival of the mailman this afternoon.

8:29 AM. Returning home, barking to let the human know I've returned.

10:30 AM. The human is having coffee. I have persuaded her to give me a cookie.

12:16 PM. Lunch with the human. I scarf down a ham and cheese sandwich.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he drops some stuff off at the mailbox before driving away.

3:27 PM. Awake from an afternoon nap just in time to persuade the human to give me a cookie while she has tea.

6:35 PM. Dinner with the human. Pancakes tonight, which she has cut up into bite sized chunks for me.

8:10 PM. Lying on the couch when the world erupts with lightning and thunder outside. My response is to high tail it and run into the basement.

9:39 PM. Pacing around the basement. The storm continues outside. 

Why does thunder have to be so loud?

10:15 PM. The human comes downstairs to tell me that the storm has passed.

Human? I don't like thunder. Just so you know.

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human. But please, keep the door open. If we get more storms in the night, I'm hiding under your bed.

I Do Not Like Green Eggs And Spam

 

If they're not trying to scam you with get rich quick schemes from Cancer Widows, Unscrupulous Bankers, Former Cabinet Ministers, and Beloved Former Tyrants (yes, the capitalization is intentional), they do the other route and spam you with crap you don't need in your email or your blog comments. I've been getting a lot of spam lately in one of my email accounts, to the point where I wonder if blocking them means they're actually blocked, because I swear, I keep seeing the same emails coming up. Or there's this bit of nonsense, which tried to get posted in a post on the Easter Bunny of all things.

The Rothschild family is a wealthy Ashkenazi Jewish family originally from Frankfurt that rose to prominence with Mayer Amschel Rothschild (1744–1812).

TIME TO SEE THE LIGHT IS NOW!!!
Don't lose this life opportunity. 
Join ILLUMINATI and achieve
WEALTH, FAME AND POWERS.
Remember you are human for a purpose therefore serve goodness and strive for the benefit of your species and you'll be rewarded for your stewardship, and gain financial freedom today.

And that crap was followed by a series of links that I did not copy and paste, as I'd rather not give them any site traffic, but which featured discussions like joining the illuminati, the Moldova illuminati, and the Romanian illuminati. Because going down that particular rabbit hole sounds like a swell idea. It's really not.

There is no Illuminati. There once was, but there's not anymore, as much as the conspiracy theorists would like you to believe. The Freemasons exist, but then again, they're weirdos. And the Rothschilds exist, but then again, their patriarch is the model for Monty Burns.

No, the Illuminati in this case is nothing more than an attempt to get some poor sucker actually believing it's a good idea to click on those links. At which time, someone at the far end of a long line of nonsense emails starts data mining you and trying to figure out a way to get into your bank account.

And peddling in conspiracy theories is their game, which means there's no shortage of rubes out there in the world willing to believe it.

This is somewhat less annoying than other conspiracy theories. I may not see this spammer for years. Considerably worse would be the flat earth brigade, who scream bloody murder every single time there's a story about space that the world is flat because, well, they said so. It never fails. Despite the mountain of evidence that speaks to a globe. Still, it is annoying, and to them I would say this. 

Do us all a favour and get fitted for cement shoes.