Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Some links before I get started. Norma wrote about the roots of writers. Eve had Pinky testing out dog toys.  Cheryl had Veterans Day pics. Maria wrote about writing bad guys. Lynn had a round of pop culture frenzy. And the Whisk has been into pie.

Now then, today is my seven hundredth published post (it'll take sometime next year before my photoblog surpasses this one in numbers). So it's fitting that one of my frequent subjects has the spotlight today. It's time to take another turn at the point of view of dogs and cats, starting as always with my hound's outlook on life...

7:35 AM. Waking up. Dreamed of chasing rabbits. Almost got one who said he took a wrong turn at Albuquerque, wherever that is.

7:40 AM. Good morning, human! Isn't it a fine day out there? The kind of day that makes you want to get out and take on the world. Priorities, though. First we must have breakfast.

7:43 AM. Finished wolfing down breakfast. Still off my fastest time ever, but I'll get there, it's just a matter of time.

7:49 AM. Out the door for my morning run. Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

8:20 AM. Stopping by the property where that cranky cat lives. I wonder if she's outside.

Maybe I can convince her to be nice.

8:23 AM. I notice a big pile of leaves on the lawn. Oh, how can I resist jumping in that?

8:24 AM. Jump run play! Is there anything as fun as a pile of leaves? Well, maybe not right at this moment in time...

8:25 AM. I look at the house. I can see the cat in one of the windows. Hello, cat!

8:26 AM. She appears to be giving me the finger. Oh, now come on! Why can't we all just get along?

8:27 AM. I examine the pile of leaves. It appears that I've made a bit of a mess about it all. Oh well, that'll just involve a bit more raking.

Maybe I'd better make myself scarce.

8:28 AM. Taking my leave. One last glance at the house. The cat looks like she's ready to sledgehammer me. What it is with cats that makes them like this is a complete mystery.

8:40 AM. Continuing on my rounds. Much to do, much territory to cover, and I should get home before tea time. Because tea equals scones, and scones equal mooching opportunities. It's basic canine math.

8:57 AM. Stopping in my tracks and sitting very still. There's a very good reason for that. A skunk is crossing ahead of me. Oh, please, take your time, I'm in no rush, whatever pace you want is fine with me. Just don't get startled or anything, okay? I don't want to get sprayed.

9:05 AM. Back home after no incidents involving getting skunked. I mean after all, I've learned my lesson there.

10:05 AM. I manage to use my sad eyes look to mooch a scone off the human. Yum yum yum!

12:55 PM. Wake up from nap. Wait a minute... did the human already have lunch without telling me?

12:57 PM. Sure enough, the human is doing dishes. Rats. I lost out on another chance to mooch.

2:40 PM. Staring outside. Keeping close watch for any sign of that infernal squirrel. That beast should be cast back into the seventh circle of hell from where he came.

3:57 PM. Sitting outside. Engaged in an extended bark-off with Spike The Magnificent down the road. Well, it's not as if we can use the phone to bark at each other.

4:15 PM. The human is having tea again. I manage to mooch a cookie.

Yum yum yum!

6:15 PM. The human is making dinner. Smells like French toast.

6:35 PM. The human and I have dinner, and sure enough, it's French toast. I get a few slices to wolf down, even if it doesn't include maple syrup.

Seriously, human, how much of a mess could I possibly make with maple syrup?

7:10 PM. The human and I are settling down in the living room for the evening. She's picking up a book to read. Human, why do you want to kill a mockingbird?

8:57 PM. Wake up out of nap at sudden sound. The human was taking my picture. This isn't going to get uploaded to the web, is it? Because somehow my lying on my back with all four legs up in the air isn't all that dignified.

11:22 PM. National news is on. It seems Shia LaBeouf got arrested for driving under the influence and running over Andy Dick. Wait a minute, Andy Dick is still alive? And while I'm not defending Shia- the guy's a twit- isn't running over Andy Dick a public service?

11:23 PM. Michael Bay is saying this might put a monkey in the wrench of his many films under production, since Shia is his star. He says he'll console himself by blowing something up real good.

11:50 PM. Good night, human! Sleep peacefully! I shall remain the ever vigilant and ever watchful through the night for any sign of nocturnal squirrels.

Though I might need an eight hour nap before I get started.


  1. A much need giggle at the end of an awful day !
    "Someone is at the door Let me sing them the song of my people"
    Perfect !

    cheers, parsnip

  2. See you managed to sneak some winter pics in there!!
    Jane x

  3. That "someone at the door" picture is totally my dog. Not that she looks like that, but goes nuts when people knock.

  4. A splendid 700th post William, a huge congratulations and merci beaucoup for entertaining us so well with your 'day in the life's of' :)

  5. ...or should I say 'day in the life of's' :)

  6. Seven hundred posts! Wow!

    And every dog/cat post makes me laugh!

  7. 700 posts???

    I knew there was a reason I was having trouble keeping up with them!

    Love the Day in the Life posts--even the ones about the drunken crackhead mayor!

  8. @Parsnip: thank you!

    @Jane and Chris: I actually had this post waiting in drafts since February!

    @Kelly: it's a natural reaction.

    @Grace: it's going to take me awhile to get to a thousand!

    @Cheryl: I have such fun with them. The notion of writing from their point of view really opened up possibilities for me.

    @Norma: speaking of whom, I'll have to end the month with the dummy.

  9. OMG, cuteness galore! I'm stealing tragedy and comedy English bulls. :)

  10. Dogs may not be human, but they are definitely people.

  11. That one with the dog and the snow, I have to say I agree: it's too dang cold!!

  12. If Andy Dick IS still alive, feed him to the Donner Party Dogs.

  13. Where do you find these things? Waaayyy too funny!

  14. @Diane: there's no shortage of cuteness!

    @Mari: he's a cutie!

    @Petrea: they are!

    @Meradeth: there's no such thing as too cold!

    @Lynn: apparently he got arrested for grand theft a few days ago.

    @Kathy: I find them in all sorts of odd places!


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