Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, November 3, 2014

George Clooney Already Pulled That Con

Before getting started, some links to see to first of all. Yesterday was a Snippet Sunday at our joint blog. Cheryl had crime blotter items at her page. Mark had a press release at his blog. And the Whisk had a pre-Sharknado item at her blog.

Now then, as for today, shall we commence with the mischief?

Quite often we get the inevitable spam in our email or in our blog spam folders. Most of it's incomprehensible junk. Sometimes it comes out to yet another variation on the tried and not so true Nigerian spammer routine. You know the one, the overly friendly letter from the wife/ daughter/ secretary/ concubine/ surrogate/ dominatrix of the late reverend/ president/ benevolent tyrant/ cult leader/ professor Whatshisname Goodfellow. The letter promises a good fortune (if you distribute the funds fairly) in return for, oh, your bank account number. The letter is always filled with creative grammar and incorrect capitalization. 

This one came into my email a couple of weeks ago. It's a bit of a new angle, but with some of the same tell tale signs of a typical scam. I've copied and pasted it in its entirety.

I am sorry to encroach into your privacy in this manner, I
found you Listed in the Trade Center Chambers of Commercedirectory  in Iraq,
I find it pleasurable to offer you my partnership in
business. I only pray at this time that your address is
still valid. I want to solicit your attention to receive
money on my behalf  in the states or any safe country you are.
I am Capt. Denning Brown , an officer in the US Army, and also
a West Point Graduate I was serving in the Military with the 82nd Airborne Division Peace keeping force in Baghdad,
I  Am now in Afghanistan from Iraq, and I really need your help in assisting me with
the safe keeping of two military trunk boxes which has just  arrived the USA from the Iraq. I hope you can be trusted?
if you can be trusted will explain further when i get a
response from you.
Waiting for your early reply
Best regards.
Capt Denning Brown

And there we have it. Capital letters where there shouldn't be capitals. Misspellings (I wasn't aware Commercedirectory is a word in the English language). And a graduate from West Point who seems to think the 82nd Airborne is a peacekeeping force (oh, wait, a Peace keeping force; for the sake of clarity, I must make certain to write the scammer's creative spacing and incorrect capitalization in the same style as he does).

So if we're to believe our scamming Captain (if there's a real Denning Brown in the American military, I have two questions: were your parents by chance punishing you by naming you Denning, and how do you feel to have your name hooked up with an obvious scammer?), he has a couple of trunks that need to be safeguarded after arriving in the US from a war zone, and he wants to trust a complete stranger with it.

I wasn't aware I'm listed in any directory in Iraq, Captain Scammer. 

So what's in the trunks that you want to go into "partnership in business" with me? Is it stolen Iraqi gold? Because let's face it, that was already done in a George Clooney movie. 

And for a West Point graduate, you can't even muster it in you to capitalize States? Any true blooded American would automatically spell it that way. But no, you have to go ahead and just write "the states". 

Whoever's hiding behind that fake name must be following standard operating procedure and sending the same email to countless others. Most of us aren't blithering idiots. Every once in awhile, though, the scammer scores paydirt, takes the sucker for everything he can get, and laughs all the way to the bank, conveniently located somewhere without extradition treaties.

Maybe the scammer can try sending the email to the douchebag at the center of the pic below. Trump deserves to get robbed blind.


  1. hahahahahahahahahahaaha...
    Just so much fun.
    Love the photo of George Clooney.

    cheers, parsnip

  2. And there are folks out there who fall victim all the time, and I'm like, "Really? I could be a billionaire right now if I didn't have a heart?"

    Trus me, tho my English is not good, I no what I doing. Jus give your data to me and you will no be sorry. you will have money you not dreamed of ever.

  3. I received a real nice one the other day that specifically used my last name and said a relative of mine had recently died leaving me 53 million dollars. All I had to do was send them my account number....

  4. My junk folder has been ridiculously filled lately. I don't even read the emails from spammer. Delete!

  5. Excellent and relevant with humor to boot. Great post. This reminds me of the pastor's wife who fell for this scam and used the church's money plus all her family's savings and when she realized she was scammed, killed her husband so he wouldn't find out. He didn't find out. She is in prison and the scammer is having a happy day with all that money.

  6. Yep, a West Point graduate could surely write better than this.

    A shame we can't fire back a reply to these people that would take their computers out of commission. Oh, how I long for a SpamBlaster virus!

  7. I get tons of those Nigerian spammers. I think the entire populous must be dying widows and daughters struggling to regain their family oil fortunes. I also got a very similar message to that US Army Captain one you got. The name actually checked out, but according to Google he was nowhere near Iraq.

  8. @Parsnip: thanks!

    @Diane: hah!

    @Eve: funny how none of the relatives ever mentioned having a spare fifty three million dollars lying around.

    @Kelly: every once in awhile they're good for a laugh. Mind you, this post will end up attracting the attention of spammers.

    @Carole: that's a preacher's wife no congregation will ever forget.

    @Cheryl: well, maybe Custer might write like this. Old George wasn't that bright a guy, and it's amazing he actually managed to graduate.

    @JE: I remember one that was trying to hijack a British official's name.

  9. Every once in a while I take a peek in my junk folder and am amazed at what I find. Makes me wonder just who replies to such things? Also, that Clooney pic is priceless.

  10. Donald Trump may have bad hair, but at least he has good grammar.

  11. If one scam doesn't work, try another. Does anybody REALLY fall for that crap?

    I have a spammer on my blog who tried to post a list of links to porn sites in the comments section....

  12. "Encroaching into your privacy", now that was a good start ! I usually don't go past such an introduction...
    Fun post.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.