Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, November 15, 2014

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links before we get started today. Yesterday having had been a Friday, Parsnip had a Square Dog Friday. Shelly wrote about her mother. Krisztina had ideas at her blog for barn weddings. And Mark writes about book signings.

Now then, it's time for the feline to take charge in the way that only an ultimate form of life on the planet can. Enjoy!

7:40 AM. Waking up. Staring at ceiling. Wondering how I contorted myself into a pretzel in my sleep. At least I can get up and it won't bother me in the slightest. Let's see a human do that. Speaking of which, where is my staff?

7:52 AM. Oh, there you are. It's about time. How about my breakfast?

7:56 AM. For the three hundred second time this year, you have disappointed me with field rations, staff. Have my meows of protest not been sufficient for you to grasp the fact that I don't like field rations?

8:02 AM. Despite my better intentions, I nibble on some of the field rations.

8:23 AM. Jumping up on couch to look outside. There's movement in one of the leaf piles. What on earth is out there?

8:24 AM. It's that annoying dog from down the road! He's playing in the leaves on my property! How dare he!

8:25 AM. Staff! Are you not looking outside and seeing what that stupid mutt is doing? 

8:26 AM. I express my deep disdain and dislike of that stupid dog in the most direct way possible.

8:27 AM. The annoying mutt is looking around at what he's done and seems confused. Dogs are generally speaking often confused.

8:28 AM. And off he goes. Good riddance! Don't come back!

8:30 AM. Staff! Did you not hear my meows of rage? That annoying dog messed up a leaf pile!

8:40 AM. Out the door with the staff. She gets one look at the leaves and wonders if the wind picked up suddenly and did that. Staff, it was the dog! 

9:05 AM. Supervising the staff while she rakes up the leaves. Humans do need close supervision, after all.

9:15 AM. Back inside. I think I need a good nap after all that supervising. I've tuckered myself out.

12:35 PM. Waking up from nap. Dreamed of the world's biggest ball of yarn. What I could do with that....

1:32 PM. Staring outside. Wait a minute... why is that car turning onto my property? Well.... at least it's not the car my staff's sister and her idiot husband and rugrats drive. Unless they bought a new car.

Staff! Did you decide to have visitors over without clearing it with me?

1:33 PM. Oh no. This can't be. Not her. Anyone but her. 

It's the vet!!!! The arch fiend! The vile foe! 

Staff, how could you do this to me?????

1:34 PM. The staff is letting the vet inside. Staff, are you out of your mind? She's evil! 

1:35 PM. I hiss my disapproval at the vet. Away, foul demon! You will not poke and prod me today! 

Wait a minute, why don't you have any equipment with you?

1:38 PM. Despite my earlier suspicions, this appears to be a social call, not a vet visit. The staff and the arch fiend are sitting down having tea.
Staff, how can you treat that foul creature like a friend? She is pure malevolence wrapped up in an overly cheerful demeanour!

1:50 PM. Keeping an eye on the staff and the vile fiend as they chat. Don't take your eyes off that monster for one second. Yes, she might seem cheerful, but that's all a cover for her vile brand of evil, and if you let your guard down around her, that's when she'll strike, and the next thing you know, you've got a thermometer stuck somewhere where it really shouldn't be...

2:12 PM. And now they're having more tea and cookies. How long does it take for you to leave already, cruel despot?

2:36 PM. The vile fiend is finally leaving. She waves goodbye to me and smiles. Underneath all that of course is absolute malice and evil intentions. I'm onto you, lady! Staff, you will never let her in my home again, is that understood?

6:40 PM. Having dinner with the staff. She cut some beef for me, which meets with my approval. For some peculiar reason she's also having Brussel sprouts for herself. 

11:23 PM. Watching the news with the staff. A really bad actor got arrested for running down a really annoying comedian. And a really bad director seems to think the decision to arrest him constitutes a national tragedy.

Staff, can we arrange for an asteroid to hit this Michael Bay guy?

11:40 PM. The staff is off to bed. Yes, you have a good night. Though if I happen to come up and walk all over you and dig my claws in, just bear in mind that the reason for that is you let the vile fiend into my house today.


  1. You find the best kitty pics!

    But Grumpy Cat still reigns supreme!

  2. Human having tea with vet? Hmm...

  3. hahahahaha so good !
    But if you really want a natural and SAFE cure for depression get a dog. I wounder how long after that photos was taken that the cat didn't leap up and bite the hands and destroy the owner face !

    Love grumpy cat !

    cheers, parsnip

  4. I did laugh at another one, but Grumpy Cat still is King of the Mountain.

  5. @Norma: Grumpy's the queen!

    @Shelly: the human has committed a grave error.

    @Parsnip: yes, they say you can only give a cat a belly rub three times before they'll claw you.

    @Mari: Grumpy Cat rules!

  6. I REALLY need to get moving on my ferret memes!

    These are too cute. :D

  7. Lois Anne bought me several little stuffed kitties from the store recently. Our two real cats did not appreciate her gesture of kindness. But so far, the real cats have only moved the stuffed cats around. It's just a matter of time, though, when I think the latter will disappear!

  8. We do indeed all have idiot friends!

    Actually, I think I may BE that idiot friend!


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