Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Before getting into today's blog, have a look over at Norma's blog for a post on Christmas traditions. Now then, as always, when there's a day in the life of a dog, it must be followed by the cat's point of view. Sharpen your claws, kitty....

7:35 AM. Waking up. For some reason the staff managed to get out of bed without waking me up. I'm not sure if this is acceptable or not. I prefer being consulted on all matters, particularly when my staff gets out of bed. I missed out on a chance to settle in on a perfectly good warm spot.

7:40 AM. Coming downstairs. The staff is in the kitchen. She's not dressed like she's going off to that work place. Well, staff, it's time for my breakfast. And if you give me field rations, so help me, Isis, I will not be held accountable for my actions...

7:42 AM. Field rations. I roll my eyes. Staff, I am most displeased by having to eat kibbles.

7:46 AM. After much reluctance, I start eating some field rations. So very bland...

8:00 AM. The staff lets me out for a morning constitutional. 

8:05 AM. On my morning inspection of the grounds. Off in the distance I can hear that annoying mutt from down the road barking his annoying head off.

8:23 AM. Conducting surveillance on the neighbour's bird feeder. Plenty of sparrows, blue jays, cardinals, and whatever else are having seed this morning. Unfortunately they have a mutually agreed system of maintaining a watch out for someone like me. Six of them are watching me right now. I get within twenty feet and they'll scatter to the winds.

You win this round, birds.

8:40 AM. Returning home. Leaping onto the windowsill and meowing to get my staff's attention.

8:42 AM. The staff finally opens the back door.

8:43 AM. I am met by the scent of baking. She's making cookies.

Staff, that smell is welcome indeed... particularly if you use liver paste for some of the cookies.

9:10 AM. Supervising the baking. She's using those rollers to flatten the dough. I don't suppose I could have one of those doughballs? Just to make sure you're getting the job done right?

9:12 AM. A glance at the calendar. Oh, yes, we're in December. That means all this baking is for Christmas. 

Just as long as the staff isn't inviting her idiot relations over without consulting me.

9:15 AM. The staff is interrupted by the phone. She goes off to answer it, while I am left alone with a tray of cookies soon to go into the oven.

9:17 AM. The staff returns from her call and counts the number of cookies on the tray, as if wondering how many cookies were on that tray.

I do my best to look innocent. Cookie dough really is delicious.

10:05 AM. The smell of baking cookies fills the house. I continue to supervise the staff.  At the moment, she's making a batch of chocolate chip cookies. She has yet to make any liver paste cookies, for some reason.

10:55 AM. Now it's sugar cookies shaped like little Santas. What about shaping them to look like cats? That would appeal to lots of people, staff.

11:35 AM. The baking continues. Lunch coming up soon. I purr to my heart's content.

12:10 PM. The staff is making lunch. She cuts off some chunks of cheese for me.

I will say this, staff. You have good taste in cheese. Gouda is delicious.

3:40 PM. Waking up from a nap. More baking smells. Christmas music is on the stereo. Oh, no, not Feliz Navidad. 

3:41 PM. Finding the staff in the kitchen. Staff, you do realize that song is a crime against humanity? The only way it can sound worse is to have that awful Streisand person sing it.

3:46 PM. Now the song has switched to Jingle Bell Rock. I don't care for Elvis either.

I'm going into the basement for awhile. At least the sound doesn't filter down there...

5:10 PM. Finally the staff isn't listening to tacky songs. You know, staff, if you're going to listen to Christmas music, why not have it be something good?

6:25 PM. The staff and I settle down to dinner. She's set aside some stewing beef for me. Very good staff, very good indeed, but it would be even better if you put it on fine china as opposed to a cat dish.

8:25 PM. Snoozing on the couch. The staff has been baking most of the day. At the moment, for some reason, she's baking a Christmas fruitcake. Come on, staff, you were baking so many better things earlier today... why did you have to diminish your record by making one of those things?

8:40 PM. Pondering the mysteries of life while the staff works in the kitchen. What is the meaning of the Red Dot? Why are dogs so inherently stupid? Just who actually eats a Christmas fruitcake?

11:50 PM. The staff is turning out lights as she heads upstairs. She bids me good night.

Staff, why didn't you include liver paste cookies in your baking today?


  1. lol Love Grumpy Cat's version of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star!

  2. I honestly can't even think about Feliz Navidad or Jingle Bell Rock without getting them stuck in my head. Definitely could do without those songs!

  3. Do you think cookie dough would make Grumpy Cat smile?

  4. Ah! Grumpy Cat waxing poetic!
    It was hard to decide which was funnier--the post or the pics, this time! Liver paste cookies? Bluckh! But I'm not a cat.

  5. Is there anything more annoying than tacky Christmas music? Before you begin a list...that was rhetorical!
    Jane x

  6. Of course I love Grumpzilla. That's Collin's creation. But the Grumpy Sith is priceless. Her expression is just like Anakin's!

  7. Oh Grumpy Cat, how we love you in all your manifestations! You make Grumpy look good:)

  8. I was in a meeting today and realized that, "Hell, they'll just blame Diane when she's gone." is a possibility!

    Nice, thank you! LOL

  9. @Kelly: Grumpy Cat rules!

    @Meradeth: I heard Feliz Navidad a few days ago when I couldn't get away from it... ack!

    @Shelly: that would be a challenge!

    @Lorelei: I couldn't eat liver paste cookies either, but kitties can be odd...

    @Jane and Chris: my idiot ex brother in law singing tacky Christmas music counts as more annoying...

    @Norma: Collin did great putting Grumpzilla together!

    @LondonLulu: Grumpy's such a sweetie. Not that she cares what we think.

    @Diane: thank you!

  10. :)))))) grumpy cat made me laugh out loud, the original 'bah humbug' :))

  11. Grumpy Cat makes my day. Can't get enough!

  12. I just realized Bob Newheart now looks a lot like Grumpy Cat.

  13. THose are some seriously grumpy cats. Too funny, William.

  14. How I love your cat blogs! And the picture of the cat intending to blame the dog is SO true!


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