Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, September 14, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Business to see to first of all. Head on over to Norma's blog, where she's posted thoughts on September 11th in her most recent blog. And I have a preliminary page set up for the photoblog, right here at Ottawa Daily Photo. Sometime next week, expect some posts to start showing themselves there, but there's already a follow icon in place, so by all means, click on that. I'll let you know here in this blog when I've started posting things. After that, I'll occasionally make mention here when it's called for. 

Now then, onto today's mayhem....

7:25 AM. Waking up. Slept very well indeed. Had dreams of the biggest dog bone you could have ever imagined. Chewed on that for hours. Makes me a bit peckish. I wonder if the human is awake yet.

7:35 AM. Good morning, human! Quite a wonderful day, isn't it? Tell me, how are you feeling today? And while you're telling me, would you mind making me some breakfast?

7:45 AM. The human pours me a huge bowl of kibbles. Human, you're a doll. 

7:46 AM. Not quite matched my old speed record of wolfing down breakfast, but I'll get there...

7:50 AM. The human opens the door and lets me out. Oh boy! Time to run and jump and play!

And maybe get my paws on that annoying squirrel.

8:10 AM. Charging through the back fields like a lunatic, barking everywhere I go. Is there anything on earth  better than a good run?

Well, maybe a good scratch behind the ears. And a belly rub. And a chance to mooch food.

8:25 AM. No sign of that cat from down the road that doesn't like me. I don't get it, really. I mean, I know Spike The Magnificent says that cats are strange critters and must be treated carefully, but really... 

Maybe I ought to stop in at her place and say hello. 

8:50 AM. Have reached the home of the cat. I walk around, sniffing the ground. Well, she hasn't been outside, but I know she lives here...

8:53 AM. I have found the cat. She is sitting behind the window, hissing and howling. I can hear her even through the glass. Hello, cat! It's just me! Your friendly neighbourhood doggie. Would you like to come out and play?

8:54 AM. The cat continues to be ferocious and annoyed, from the looks of her body language. Can't we just be friends?

8:56 AM. I could be wrong, but to borrow a phrase humans use... did that cat just give me the finger?

9:00 AM. Oh well, I give up. I guess there really is no reasoning with a cat. Have a good day, try not to be so cranky, you hear?

9:15 AM. Heading home. Wondering if in time I can just figure out a way to get past her inner contempt for dogs and see that all I want is to be friends.

9:40 PM. Back home. The human is out doing chores in the barn. Hello, human. Can you explain to me the inner mind of a cat, by chance?

10:45 AM. Manage to mooch a cookie from the human during her tea break. Yum yum yum.

12:05 PM. The human is making lunch. Time to get in mooching mode again.

12:20 PM. Use my best sad eyes routine to convince the human to give me a sandwich. Smoked beef and mozzarella. With honey mustard. Very tasty!

2:25 PM. Lying flat on my back, feet in the air, dreaming of chasing squirrels.

3:10 PM. The human wakes me up with a belly rub. Well, human, if you must wake me up, a belly rub's a good reason. As opposed to a bath or a trip to the vile enemy you call the vet.

6:35 PM. The human has ordered in pizza for dinner. I chow down on three whole slices myself.

Meat lovers pizza with extra tomato sauce, have I mentioned how tasty you are?

Yum yum yum...

7:00 PM. The human turns on the television and heads back into the kitchen to do the dishes. An entertainment news program is on. Oh, it's that awful smarmy son of the former Prime Minister. What's his name again? Muldoon? No, Mulroney. What a sleazy guy he is. Reminds me of a used car salesman.

Entertainment journalist. He obviously aimed low in career choices.

7: 06 PM. Mulroney the Younger is at the film festival in Toronto for some reason, chattering away. He really does seem to like to listen to himself talk. Hey, wait a minute... there's a guy passing through at the back of the crowd, looks familiar...

I've seen that guy before! That's Lars Ulrich! The Mountie! That guy's a legend!

7:08 PM Mulroney the Younger intercepts Inspector Ulrich and asks what he's doing in Toronto. The Inspector looks annoyed and says he's working on a case, and to leave him alone.

7:09 PM. Mulroney the Younger asks Inspector Ulrich if Metallica will be performing in Toronto anytime soon. Inspector Ulrich looks about ready to tear his head off.

7:10 PM. Mulroney the Younger has made the mistake of asking Inspector Ulrich if he's sure he's not the other Lars Ulrich. Inspector Ulrich hits him right in the kisser. The human sees it. She says he deserves it.

11:15 PM. Mention made on national news of Mulroney the Younger. It seems he was found hanging upside down from the CN Tower, babbling about an angry heavy metal drummer. Well, that's what you get for annoying a Mountie.

The human turns off the television and says good night. Have a good one, human... though tell me, by chance are there any more slices of pizza? I'm feeling a bit peckish.


  1. All that human food is not good for a dog. You do like to work Lars into your blogs. Loved the doggie and the mud bath.

  2. Love the pics :) The top one looks like my sister's dog--in need of batteries.

  3. If I could remove Fiona's batteries that could solve a few problems. Love the one of her alter-ego stealing the meat-lover's pizza. She'd do that for sure!

  4. 3 pieces of pizza that's a poop I wouldn't like to pick up on his next walk. I'm still giggling at the 'chairs are like indoor trees' lesson :)

  5. The bacon face looks suspiciously like Sheldon's (The Big Bang) pretending-to-be-interested face!

  6. The dog with the pizza makes me think of my mom's German shepherd. She loved pizza. We had to board her for a month while we were moving, so the day she was delivered back to us, we got a stiffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut. She was too excited to be back with us--she couldn't eat until the next day....

  7. PS You know I love any mention of Lars. He's my hero!

  8. @Mari: true, all that human food can't be good for doggie!

    @Meradeth: that's what makes it so cute!

    @Eve: Fiona's precocious!

    @Ida: that would leave a mess!

    @Cheryl: I'll have to take your word for it!

    @Norma: Lars seemed to come very easily to me in this one, even indirectly!

  9. I so agree with Norma, I love when Lars appears. He is my hero too !

    I thought of Fiona when I saw the Pizza loving doggie.

    cheers, parsnip

  10. Hahahahahah, these are all cute! But, the first bulldog looks just like my Maggie, so it's my fav. :)

  11. Your main character has an appetite like a Beagle :) Ottawa Daily Photo....I like the sound of it William :))

  12. Looks like pizza totally solves all doggie problems!! Take care

  13. Mind now full of the thought of Mulroney the younger getting smacked in the kissser.
    Jane x

  14. OMG, the stylist one has me cracking up!

    And the pipe one. My parents' dog used to steal cigarette's from my aunt's purse. She'd open the box and just pull one out. Then she'd walk around with it hanging out of her mouth. Not sure where she learned it because no one in the family but my aunt smokes.

  15. Oh lord! I could see Emma getting into my fridge like that. She is ALWAYS sniffing around for food. Always!! It makes the food blogging a bit of a challenge sometimes.

  16. @Parsnip: Lars demands regular appearances. He's quite adamant.

    @Diane: bulldogs are cuties!

    @Grace: I do like writing this dog's point of view...

    @Old Kitty: pizza solves so many problems!

    @Jane and Chris: and Mulroney The Younger does have it coming...

    @Kelly: My grandfather smoked a pipe, but I can't recall if a dog ever tried a stunt like that!

    @Shelly: aren't they cute?

    @Krisztina: isn't that just like a hound?

  17. I like all the photos but the one with the Chihuahua reminded me of Fiona!

  18. Oh that bacon face!! That's going to be stuck in my head for quite some time, love it! (And excited for your photoblog:))

  19. How do get a dog to sleep til 7:35 AM? Mine wakes up between 4:15 and 5:00 every morning.


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