A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:00 AM. Wake at first light. Give or take a few minutes. I'm a dog. It's not as if we can tell time, right?

7:15 AM. Woke human. Listened to her grumble. She's not a morning person. Out for first ramble around property. Chased squirrels. Annoying little bastards.

7:50 AM. In for breakfast after long run through the back forty acres. Human drinking morning coffee. Bowl of kibbles waiting. Oh boy! My favourite!

7:55 AM. Mooched pieces of sausage from human. Oh boy! My favourite!

8:20 AM. Wondering if Scottish terriers bark with a highland brogue.

9:15 AM. Back out for more running. Found mud puddle. 

9:45 AM. Returning home. Human looks annoyed by how dirty I am. She calls me a bad dog. What does she expect? We dogs love mud and getting wet.

9:50 AM: Human starts the dreaded bath process. Hose brought out to scrub me down. Never my favourite part of the day. Will have to chew slippers for this.

10:05 AM. Dreaded bath finally over. Am scrubbed clean and reasonably dry. She tells me I can wait out on porch until fully dry before coming in. Says something about wet dog smell. Am confused. What's wrong with wet dog smell?

10:25 AM. Snoozing on porch, have woken up to neighbour's cat passing through yard. Must chase cat.

10:30 AM. Yelped after being clawed on nose by angry cat.

10:40 AM. Dashed into woods. Found dead carcass of deer from winter. Must roll in it. It's a dog thing.

11:15 AM. Skies getting dark. Should head home after rolling in dead rotting deer. Probably going to rain.

11:40 AM. Caught in thunderstorm. Chased rolling thunder as it passes through area. Thoroughly drenched. Quite enjoying myself.

1:30 PM. Finally returned home. Human looks less then impressed with how wet I am. Says something about trying to get writing done and how worried she was. Wag my tail and pant deliriously. She takes out towel to dry me off. Smell of dead deer long gone after so much time in the rain. So much the better. Can't stand idea of another bath, twice in one day.

3:45 PM. Afternoon nap finished. Look outside. Weather cleared up. Skunk strolling through yard. Thinking of chasing it, then remembering what happened last fall. Too many baths, with too much tomato juice. Don't want to repeat that again.

4:05 PM. Chased tail. One day soon, I will catch it.

4:15 PM. Snatched cookie off coffee table while human wasn't looking. Yum yum yum.

5: 25 PM. Out for a walk with human. Chased squirrels. Heard human yelling for me to stop.

5:55 PM. In for dinner. Beg for scraps. Perfected sad eyes routine years ago. Human feeds me bits of meat as she prepares her own meal. Goes good with kibbles and canned meat. Oh, boy! My favourite!

9:45 PM. Snuggle with human watching television. Wonder why human has to watch romantic comedy. Isn't Animal Planet on?

12:45 AM. Human off to bed. Take place at foot of bed. Drifting off to sleep. Will dream of chasing squirrels.

Annoying little bastards.