Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Friday, April 20, 2012

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:00 AM. Wake at first light. Give or take a few minutes. I'm a dog. It's not as if we can tell time, right?

7:15 AM. Woke human. Listened to her grumble. She's not a morning person. Out for first ramble around property. Chased squirrels. Annoying little bastards.

7:50 AM. In for breakfast after long run through the back forty acres. Human drinking morning coffee. Bowl of kibbles waiting. Oh boy! My favourite!

7:55 AM. Mooched pieces of sausage from human. Oh boy! My favourite!

8:20 AM. Wondering if Scottish terriers bark with a highland brogue.

9:15 AM. Back out for more running. Found mud puddle. 

9:45 AM. Returning home. Human looks annoyed by how dirty I am. She calls me a bad dog. What does she expect? We dogs love mud and getting wet.

9:50 AM: Human starts the dreaded bath process. Hose brought out to scrub me down. Never my favourite part of the day. Will have to chew slippers for this.

10:05 AM. Dreaded bath finally over. Am scrubbed clean and reasonably dry. She tells me I can wait out on porch until fully dry before coming in. Says something about wet dog smell. Am confused. What's wrong with wet dog smell?

10:25 AM. Snoozing on porch, have woken up to neighbour's cat passing through yard. Must chase cat.

10:30 AM. Yelped after being clawed on nose by angry cat.

10:40 AM. Dashed into woods. Found dead carcass of deer from winter. Must roll in it. It's a dog thing.

11:15 AM. Skies getting dark. Should head home after rolling in dead rotting deer. Probably going to rain.

11:40 AM. Caught in thunderstorm. Chased rolling thunder as it passes through area. Thoroughly drenched. Quite enjoying myself.

1:30 PM. Finally returned home. Human looks less then impressed with how wet I am. Says something about trying to get writing done and how worried she was. Wag my tail and pant deliriously. She takes out towel to dry me off. Smell of dead deer long gone after so much time in the rain. So much the better. Can't stand idea of another bath, twice in one day.

3:45 PM. Afternoon nap finished. Look outside. Weather cleared up. Skunk strolling through yard. Thinking of chasing it, then remembering what happened last fall. Too many baths, with too much tomato juice. Don't want to repeat that again.

4:05 PM. Chased tail. One day soon, I will catch it.

4:15 PM. Snatched cookie off coffee table while human wasn't looking. Yum yum yum.

5: 25 PM. Out for a walk with human. Chased squirrels. Heard human yelling for me to stop.

5:55 PM. In for dinner. Beg for scraps. Perfected sad eyes routine years ago. Human feeds me bits of meat as she prepares her own meal. Goes good with kibbles and canned meat. Oh, boy! My favourite!

9:45 PM. Snuggle with human watching television. Wonder why human has to watch romantic comedy. Isn't Animal Planet on?

12:45 AM. Human off to bed. Take place at foot of bed. Drifting off to sleep. Will dream of chasing squirrels.

Annoying little bastards.


  1. Love this!! I love the one that more sleep will help with the wrinkles...!! Too cute.

  2. Having grown up with countless dogs, I can tell you this is as dog as it gets!

    My favourite part is the bit about the skunk!

  3. Great post! Yep, as dog as it gets! Really loved the skunk part.

  4. Sir Poops and Hair Ball loved this.

  5. I'm loving this post because I guess I'm just a lowly but very loyal dog person!

  6. Next blog it'll be the cat's point of view!

  7. Hahahaha, too cute! Can't wait to see the cats. My cat...she is evil. :)

  8. wahahahahahahah...
    Way too funny... Love the Scottie references. Must get the "turrible bunch a murraudin' wee Doggies" photo. So true
    All my Scotties do bark with a highland brogue.
    Hamish doesn't because he takes after his Westie Daddy and not his Scottie Mum.
    The Square Ones have decided that you now are Protector Of The Realm in the Name of Scotties everywhere they bestow this honor on you !
    Metal and papers to be presented at a later date.

    cheers, parsnip

  9. And that's why I'm not much of a dog person. Bring on the cats!!

  10. I'm a dog person. I love this. Still laughing out loud at the computer one. The burglar one runs a close second.

    We've had the good fortune of getting somewhat persnickety dogs. Believe it or not, Honey used to walk around puddles, and Arthur doesn't like to be out in the rain and is scared of storms and wind and turtles. . .but he does like to chase squirrels.

    Some of the photos are absolutely precious. I love the one with the horses.

  11. My cousin has a dog (think it's still among the living) on their farm that loved chasing thunder as it rolled through at night.

  12. So easy to please, they are. Love how everything is their favourite. The last comic is the best... and so true. Nice lead-in to your cat blog, I'm sure.

  13. Loved the race one. That dog's expression is priceless.

  14. You can't go wrong with funny dog pictures and cartoons.

  15. Great post, William!

    I'm with the cat ;)

  16. Ah, those are great! Love the cheetah one! And the insurance... so so true! lol But wait, you don't get that in CA, do ya? :)

  17. Oh it's a dog's life being a dog! :-) Take care

  18. The last one kills me because it's true. Cats are the devil! : )

  19. I think I'll have to bring this doggie back again in a future blog!

  20. After reading A Day in the Life of Cats, I had to scroll down and read this one too, for another good laugh:)!

  21. as a dog girl (I never liked cats before Alex) I loved this post too!


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