Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Friday, April 13, 2012

Ronald Reagan And The Deathly Election Hallows

"After my presidency is done and I've retired, I would really appreciate it if the party doesn't try to lionize me or make me into some quasi-deity. That's just ridiculous. Oh, and one thing we Republicans must never, ever do... is attack other Republicans. Just isn't right. Now, time for my nap." ~ Ronald Reagan, 1988

"God, I hate that Romney guy. Self-satisfied entitled jerk. Thinks he can just walk into the nomination like he deserves it. Can't stand that sanctimonious Santorum twit either. Holier then thou, my ass! And Ron Paul's a crazy old bastard! Why anyone takes him seriously is beyond me. And I really, really despise that Gingrich guy... I'd like to wring his... wait a minute, I'm Gingrich." ~ Newt Gingrich, 2012

Ah, the Republican nomination process goes on and on and on without end. Well, it must end, and it looks like the party is finally accepting the inevitable by settling for Governor Mittens. He's been winning primaries and caucuses, gathering more and more delegates, and even his remaining opponents are starting to concede to reality. Not that the party of the Elephant wants Governor Mittens to run for the presidency. Their dominant thought remains, Does it have to be that guy?

The editorial cartoonists of the world continue to take inspiration out of the debacle... while President Obama sits back, takes notes, and prepares to finish off the hatchet job that the Republicans have done on their inevitable candidate.

The nomination process has become a circus, my friends... funny to watch from the outside, but a tragedy if you're on the inside of the party watching it tear itself to pieces.

The Four Stooges, or the Four Horsemen of the Republipocalypse, as they'd like to be called, were until just days ago- when one of their number finally threw in the towel- desperately hanging in to one degree or another in an endless cycle of mutual recrimination. Governor Mittens, Pope Ricky, Fig Newtons, and the Crazy Old Man just wouldn't take a hint and settle the whole thing with a game of high stakes poker (the Newtron Bomb strikes me as the sort who would cheat, just saying).

Fig Newtons, or the Newtron Bomb, has yet to give up. He's shown signs of it though, reluctantly admitting he doesn't stand much of a chance, but he still won't throw in the towel and say uncle. More's the pity too. We might finally be rid of him.

Meanwhile, Pope Ricky, aka His Infernal Sanctimoniousness, aka He Whose Last Name Must Not Be Googled, aka His High And Mightiness, has lost momentum of earlier victories, largely due to the backlash against his medieval way of thinking, not to mention that whole Ten Commandments According to Santorum thing. Stunningly, he finally gave up some days ago, suspending his campaign. More on that next time out, no doubt. I'd like to think that Fig Newtons and the Crazy Old Man take a hint from his decision and bow out, but I doubt it...

While Pope Ricky assesses his failed campaign and starts the process of looking forward to 2016 (it's not like someone this obnoxious is going to go away),  Governor Mittens is looking the part of the inevitable candidate to be sacrificed on the altar in November. Despite the party's desperate hope for a more likeable candidate who doesn't come across as profoundly awkward every time he's around average people, the sane and credible candidates have sat out this campaign entirely, instead looking towards 2016 and rebuilding the party.

Governor Mittens continues to rack up the wins, despite his dull personality and the profound lack of enthusiasm the party has in him. He'd better enjoy it while it lasts. The end's coming, and the damage has already been done from within....

The opposition scored something of a possible avenue of attack on Governor Mittens with the Etch-a-Sketch debacle, in which one of the Governor's aides suggested policies and promises could easily be erased like an etch-a-sketch. Not that it did Pope Ricky, Fig Newtons, or the Crazy Old Man any good....

And so the stage seems set. Governor Mittens continues to plod onward towards victory, though the party wishes it was anyone else. The cartoonists of the world continue to mock the process. And perhaps the next time I return with one of these, Governor Mittens will have finally secured the nomination.

Or maybe it'll keep going on all the way to the convention.

It's going to be a long spring, summer, and fall, isn't it?

President Obama, Governor Mittens is coming up to home plate, with Fig Newtons and the Crazy Old Man biting at his heels. Time to go to work. Strike Mittens out.

In closing, Plan Z for the GOP:


  1. I think they've chosen Mittens as the least offensive of the choices they have.

    Newt on the Titanic...what an appealing idea!

    If you ever cross the border, the Mama Grizzly will be gunning for you....

  2. Mittens is the lesser or four evils.

    Next time you cross the border, the GOP hitwoman will be waiting for you '

  3. I'll just be glad when all this hoopla is over. However, I have to say, Sir Wills, you do take the edge off all of it.

  4. As always amused... thanks for stopping by.

  5. The problem with "this being all over" is that there will be a whole bunch more candidates for William to poke fun of. I of course, would not be a republican if I were an American...

    Right now, none of them sound appealing. But, then again, they never do.

  6. As always very clever.

    I lived in California when Regan was Governor and then President. As a register Democrat I was wary but I kept an open mind...
    I am a moderate and the democrat liberal, "lets jump off the cliff and spend lots of money" mentally drives me crazy.
    I was really looking for something else. I like the business part of the Republican party and then Regan blew it. To win the South, a democrat strong hold, he embraced the religious crazies and that has destroyed the republican party for me.
    In no way an I happy with the Pelosi/Obama Presidency. Pelosi/Rahm Emanuel is as bad to the democrat party as the religious crazies are to the republican party.
    The sad part is no one speaks to or for me.

    Norma you are so funny !
    Watch out though the democrat's now have a pretty vocal hitwoman.

    cheers, parsnip

  7. I don't remember when I actually enjoied the process so much--or is it the stupidity of the nominees? Or, maybe the cartoons, and this blog.

    Keep it up. I'll be back for more!

    Ummm, by the way, you wouldn't think of throwing your hat into the ring. No? Damn. Guess that spoils it for me!

  8. I once got to chatting with a guy, and it turned out he was with the provincial conservatives. He asked if I'd ever thought of joining the party or running for office.


    I'd end up hating myself if I went into politics....

  9. Poor Ronnie. May he rest in peace.
    Funny stuff William. I wish I had feelings about politics. I guess they all leave me cold.

  10. Hilarious! But if you take a count of the states Romney will probably carry (only because he's a Republican), the end result could be a dead heat.

  11. These are really hilarious! I find your blog really interesting.

  12. It does go on doesn't it?! I think the last time - the only time so far! - I got quite involved with the US Party Candidates Nominations was when it was Obama and Clinton. Now that was totally engrossing for me! There should be some way of simplifying the process though, surely (don't call me Shirley! LOL!).

    Take care

  13. lol... oh it's all kind of embarrassing, isn't it? It's no wonder why so many peeps stay out of politics. And so sad that the cartoon about MS is true... lol

  14. There's that expression I like: the people who should never be trusted with positions of responsibility are the ones who go into politics, and those who can be trusted with power want nothing to do with politics.


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