Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, April 30, 2012

Two Stooges Down And Two To Go

The Crazy Old Man has the Wookie vote secured

Last time I did one of these, one of the front runners among the Four Horsemen of the Republipocalypse had stepped out of the race. Since then, another candidate has stepped out. This leaves the vastly out in front head of the pack front runner still in the race to secure the Republican nomination.... and one Crazy Old Man.

The Republican field has narrowed down yet again, and the editorial cartoonists of the world continue to mine it for gold. I'm wondering if next time I do one of these blogs, we'll be down to just one. Governor Mittens is already looking at potential running mates now that Fig Newtons and Pope Ricky have called it a day. Ron Paul, aka the Crazy Old Man, is still in the running, though he's far behind. Rumor has it he might be asleep, and no one's bothered to wake him up yet.

And so November appears to be shaping up, at last, to be the inevitable Governor Mittens nomination to seize the White House from President Obama. This, after months of being ripped to shreds by his own party, who haven't found him all that interesting to begin with. The President and his team have been busy taking notes on all the ways to finish off what the other candidates already started.

Poor Fig Newtons. Poor Newtron Bomb. He lost whatever momentum he had left after some early victories, and as of late had been routinely getting his head handed to him at primaries and caucuses. Even the wildlife didn't like him. So it was just a matter of time before his campaign funds ran dry and he couldn't go on. As I understand it, the campaign bounced a check for one of the primaries. That didn't bode well. And so he's reached the end of the road. Good riddance, Fig Newtons. Don't bother to write. We won't miss you.

Then of course there's Rick Santorum. Pope Ricky. He Whose Last Name Must Not Be Googled. His Infernal Sanctimoniousness. His High And Mightiness has also reached the end of the line, folded his tent, and dropped out. Rumor has it he's going to continue his work on the new Ten Commandments According To Pope Ricky.

And so it all falls down to Governor Mittens, who inspires little confidence in the GOP. He's been campaigning for months now, getting torn to shreds by his competitors and the Party faithful. They wish someone else were running for the nomination. They seem resigned to committing electoral suicide in November by backing a candidate who can't connect to the ordinary citizen in any meaningful way. One thing runs through their mind: there's always 2016, right?

It's going to be a long summer. Particularly with psychotic washed up nutbar rock singers- whose brains have obviously been fried by too many nights involving recreational drugs, hard whiskey, and strippers named Bambi- ranting about the guy who's presently in the White House. Memo to Ted Nugent's doctors: sedate the dumb git. Post haste.

In closing, for those of you Americans still not sure where to cast your vote in November...

Vote for the cat.


  1. Whiskers gets my vote!

    I am so very proud to say that the penguin who took a bite out of Newt was from my own hometown! Go, penguin!

    You find the best editorial cartoons....

  2. Well, if I were an American, I couldn't in all consciousness vote Republican. If my choices are mittens and a fig newton...well...lets just say that I couldn't vote.

    However, you do have the best cartoons in town! These never get old.

  3. I don't know where you find these cartoons, but they're hilarious. I've just come from the Deep South. It's a wrap for Mitt there.

  4. Hey, I like Fig Newtons but I can never look at them the same way again because of you...
    Great cartoons but also so sad for us moderate Americans.
    Pelosi/Obama or Governor Mittens ?

    cheers, parsnip

  5. The problem with voting for Whiskers is you need a litter box and based on these other contenders it might need emptying about now.

  6. Ah, politics. Always something to laugh about.

    And my cat thinks cats are pretty much in charge already. I don't know what she'd do if one became president!

  7. I forgot to say when I first read this I thought you were going to review the new Three Stooges Movie...
    opps !

    cheers, parsnip

  8. I vote for the cat, but I refused to clean up his poopies or hairballs.

  9. It makes me proud to be an American, where any idiot can run for President.

  10. Every time I read your posts on this subject, it makes me very happy there's a LARGE ocean separating me from all this!

  11. Great post, William! Love the 007 poster!

  12. All this time, I really thought Ron Paul wanted to be Mitten's running mate. Whoever Mitt chooses, he can't sink lower than Palin. Or, can he?

  13. Govenor Mittens is a scary thought.

  14. Thankful for this humor because it feels tense here with this political circus happening. I try not to follow it because it causes digestive problems...and with the expense of organic food these days, I don't want to lose my breakfast to the porcelain god.

    Although I do believe that the US of America has sacrificed itself to the porcelain god and this country has gone down the toilet.

  15. @Norma: the penguin did good!

    @Beth: we're not better off, what with Darth Harper running the country!

    @Kittie: thanks!

    @Parsnip: But... but he's Fig Newtons! And seeing as how I never liked the original Three Stooges bits, watching the movie would be out for me too...

    @Cheryl: the cats rule the world.

  16. @Karla: some years more idiots then others!

    @Talli: consider yourself lucky!

    @Undercover: Coming at the convention: Mitt Romney and Kim Kardashian.


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