Revenge Of The Internet Scammer

Of course they never stop. I refer to that vile, repugnant, pointless sub-species of humanity referred to as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus. The internet spammer. Regardless of how many times we see their infernal spam comments in our blogs having nothing at all to do with the subject, saying "please read my blog" for instance (Rajani Rehana, I'm looking at you- you are of course the numbskull who infamously left that comment on a post written by a woman dealing with a cancer diagnosis. That is an absolute scumbag sort of thing to do, but that's the sort of person you are). Regardless of how many times we see their emails sent to thousands of people with a get rich quick scheme that is just that: a scheme.

Take a look at the following, which turned up in my email last month. All I have removed from it was the email link.

( URGENT REPLY BEFORE IS LATE)
Note: If you found this email in your junk/spam, its because of your
internet isp server.


Congratulations,You have been gifted $1.5 Million United State Dollars in 2023 Donation Funds,Contact us at this email for your claim:

Dear Lucky Winner with great hope this massage will reach you and your entire family in a very good health condition as I know you will be curious to know why you were selected to receive a cash sum of $1,500,000,00 USD.

I Mr.Bernard Jean ?tienne Arnault a French business magnate, An investor and art collector, I am the chairman and chief Executive officer of LVMH, The world's largest luxury-goods company, I am mapping out this donation funds every year to 20 countries all over the world where our company is been located in the world.
 
I decided to donate the sum of $1,500,000,00 USD to you as part of our charity project to improve the lot of 20 lucky individuals all over the world from our ($16.5 Billion) United State Dollars Mapped for the on going 2022 Donation.All lucky winners were random selected from Microsoft email owners list as to make sure this put on in the internet for the world to see, I have decided to do one thing I promised God forever as you could see from the web page above am not getting any younger and you can imagine i have no much time to live although am a Billionaire Investor and we have helped some charity organizations from our Fund for the past years.
 
Much of the money has been shared to our immediate family members before deciding to donate the remaining of the Billions to other individuals around the world, the local fire department, the red cross, Haiti, hospitals, and some other organizations in Asia and Europe that fight cancer, Alzheimer's and diabetes and the bulk of the funds deposited with our payout bank of this charity donation.

I have kept just 40% of the entire sum for my self for the remaining days because I am old and very sick, To facilitate the payment process of the funds ($1,500,000.00 USD) which have been donated solely to you, you are to send us
 
Your Full Name:
Your Contact Address:
Name of City of Residence:
Country of Residence:
Direct Mobile Telephone Number:
Your Marital Status:
Your Age and Occupation:
 
So that I can forward your payment information to you immediately, I am hoping that you will be able to use the money wisely and judiciously over there in your country, Please, you have to do your part to also alleviate the level of poverty in your region, help as many you can help once you have this money in your personal account because that is the only objective of donating this money to you in the first place, I like to re-assure you of the legitimacy of this services as we will not be involved in any fraudulent act and will never be.
 
Use the money wisely, we only want to feel good by helping people this time of the year, We have too much to give away as I only have a few months left on earth. I will advise you as the prospective lucky Person to be calm not to lose this great opportunity which millions of people are trying to entangle but the chances just couldn't come for them because a lot of people are out there to discourage them as they don't know how it works, and have never seen such before.

Thank you for accepting our offer,
 
Best Regards.
Mr.Bernard Arnault.

So, where to begin? Well, for starters, the originating email that sent this to me is different from the one that was in the body of the nonsense sent, which I've removed. That email has the word korfilm in it. Which suggests the first link in a long line of emails that this ends up leading to is a Korean company. One that's based out of North Korea. All while using .com instead of .kp, which is the proper internet code for anything coming out of that particular spot on the planet.

Oh, sure, that's believable.

Now yes, there is a Bernard Arnault. And yes, he's a French business magnate and one of the richest people on the planet. LVMH does exist: luxury goods under the Louis Vuitton label? That guy. He's educated and esteemed in the industry. Which is why if he was really writing this (he didn't), he would get the grammar and syntax right. He wouldn't start off with Urgent Reply Before Is Late, because that doesn't sound like someone with a grasp of the language.

No, this is a spammer at the far end of a long chain of email addresses who can't actually speak English properly, and runs a faulty translation program which has all sorts of tell tales. United State Dollars. State? Really?

Our guy capitalizes words that don't need it, has spacing issues in his sentences, and dangles the usual amount of cash for the gullible, hoping they'll bite. He screws up the very name of the guy he's using to pass off this scheme, because he writes Etienne as ?tienne. He claims he's chosen me at random (along with the half million other email addresses this crap has been sent to) to give this money to. He also comes up with the line about how he's "old and very sick" to try to play for sympathy.

Nice try. The actual Arnault was born in 1949, and at last check is still active in his company. If a guy like this was actually sick, that wouldn't stay secret for long. Besides, as an actual businessman, he has no time to send random emails to strangers saying he's going to give them money.

Nice try, mate. Really. But the more you do this, the more you make yourself look like a buffoon. I know, one or two of the five hundred thousand people you sent this to might be dumb enough to believe it, and send you the inevitable "processing fee" of a few thousand dollars before they wise up. But I've seen too much of this crap.

In an ideal world, you'd be subjected to one of these devices of torture. Well, maybe not the last one. That would be too cruel.

Testing The Patience Of The Almighty

Televangelist Dies In Freak Accident, Leaves Muddled Legacy

Houston (AP) He spent the better part of five decades building up a prosperity gospel empire of televangelism through his megachurch and cable outlet. He managed to somehow avoid consequences through a series of scandals. And he’s been the object of both adoration and scorn, depending on one’s opinion of the man. Now, Geoffrey Worthington, the founder of the Trinity of Truth Fellowship Church, has died in an unusual incident at his compound outside Houston, an event that authorities are describing as baffling.

Worthington, born into a Baptist family in Louisiana seventy three years ago, grew up in what he described as a strict but fair household. “The Bible was read ten times a day and Mother’s place was in the kitchen. Yes, praise be, that’s as it should have been,” he said in an interview with CNN ten years ago after he had just evaded tax fraud charges in federal court. “It was idyllic, people knew their place, and their place was comin’ to church and puttin’ money in the collection plate and keepin’ Father employed as a pure bred white as snow fire and brimstone preacher, praise be!”

Fire and brimstone may have worked with his supporters, but that and many other things alienated many. Along with Pat Robertson, Oral Roberts, and Jerry Falwell, he was one of the foremost advocates for the so called religious right and often made calls for greater influence in politics. He was known to have strong views against equal rights for women and minorities. His style of evangelism catered to the prosperity gospel school of thought- that financial blessings are the will of God, and that donations to religious organizations ends up increasing material wealth.

At least for Worthington, that was the case. Donations to the church he founded and developed made him an exceedingly wealthy man, worth nearly a hundred million dollars, based on donations solicited not just from his ten thousand member church, but the web of supporters who followed his broadcasts faithfully on his Trinity of Truth cable network, founded in 1989 and viewable throughout the South.

Worthington never seemed to apologize for the fact that he was wealthy, and that the source of that wealth might be described as widows on social security sending in monthly donations. “Praise be to God almighty!” he once told his flock in a sermon that went viral for all the wrong reasons. In 2007, criticism of the evangelist grew after the family of an elderly widow stopped her monthly payments to the Trinity of Truth church, citing the fact that a quarter of her pension was being given away to a multi-million dollar religious enterprise. “The Lord himself told me that the blessed widow Perkins would provide! And in providing, she would be provided for! Praise be, some of us are meant to eat canned tuna and stale crackers, and some of us are meant not to! Can I get an amen, brothers and sisters?”

His tone deaf sermon and picking the pockets of his flock mentality did not go off well in a world where televangelists had been spending years getting into scandals and finding their one-time respect eroding. Worthington dodged sexual harassment allegations in the late nineties involving a former secretary, managed to talk his way out of a prostitution scandal, and weaseled his way out of tax evasion charges a decade ago. He was known for verbal gaffes that often gave away his real world view, criticized for remarks that suggested sympathy for the Ku Klux Klan and other organizations, and hinted at his veiled contempt for civil rights organizations.

And yet his flock remained devoted, turning over a tenth or more of their income to his organization under the promise that they would share in the material wealth of prosperity. “It’s gonna happen anytime soon now,” Billy Lyle, a Houston drywall contractor who attends the church told reporters. “I’ve been givin’ lots of money to Paster Geoffrey for fifteen years now, and one of these days, I’m gonna be rich just like him, amen!”

Last month Worthington raised eyebrows by announcing on one of his broadcasts that God wanted him to have a new jet. Like other evangelists, who have suggested that flying commercial exposes them to demons, Worthington has used some of his wealth to purchase private planes for travel. “I need it, brothers and sisters, I really do,” he noted. “My latest plane is heading towards the end of its useful shelf life, and I need a new one so I can go around the world and do the Lord’s good work, praise be!” he cheerfully told the camera. “So what I need you to do is send in some extra money. I know, bless y’all, you send in so much, but even if every single one of you sends in an extra five dollars a week, that’ll get us there, and isn’t it more important to do the good work of the Almighty, praise be, than to have that one extra cup of coffee? Hallelujah!”

And perhaps the reply was not one that he expected. Yesterday, Worthington was in the garden at his compound, going over notes for his Sunday broadcast. It was a clear blue sky sort of day, not a cloud in the sky. One of the gardeners on the property took note of him at a distance, reading his point form notes out loud, and then saw a flash of light accompanied by an instantaneous thunderous boom.

“It was a lightning flash,” Sheriff John Mowbray told reporters at the scene. “Not a cloud in the sky, but witnesses at a distance all saw the strike. The gardener was unharmed. But Reverend Worthington was… well, cooked. I shouldn’t say it like that, but that’s about the only way to describe what he ended up looking like. Sufficed it to say, I think it’ll be a few weeks before I feel like barbecuing out on the deck at home.”

And so comes the passing of a giant of his profession, struck down by lightning on a clear day. A freak accident? The wrath of the Almighty? While God hasn’t had any comment on the matter, the Devil met reporters at a public relations firm in Dallas last night, smelling of sulfur and brimstone and looking rather red. “I can confirm that the not so reverend Geoffrey Worthington has just begun his first day in an eternity of everlasting torment down in the seventh circle of Hell. We’ve got him started by being a little creative- having him watch money burn up just out of his reach. I think a few thousand years of that for starters is a good way of getting him acquainted with Hell. He doesn’t seem to be taking the transition very well. I told him, ‘well, this is Hell, after all.’ He seems to still think he was supposed to go to the other place.”

The last word belongs to Billy Lyle. “He was a great man, praise the Lord! I don’t care what nobody says about him when they say bad things. Y’all know we all provided for him, so he provided for us. Y’all think he’s going to leave me anything in the will?”

In the opinion of this reporter, it won’t take long for Billy Lyle to be disappointed.

Headlines, Three Years Hence

The following came to mind after Agent Orange toyed around with the idea of that elephant hunt trophy ban reversal. Let's just say it irritated me- to be fair, everything about that man irritates me. So I thought of the idea of what a newscast might be like after the Age of Darkness comes to an end. Here we have it. You might want to skip this if you're a fan of the man.

“It is February 8^th, 2021, and welcome to the evening news. I’m your CBS anchor, Drucilla Scott, and this is what’s making news at this hour. The stunning fall of the former first family of the United States continued today. Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump, long sought after being convicted in absentia of fraud, met a bad end today in Zimbabwe. The two brothers were avoiding legal authorities and engaged in one of their favourite pastimes, hunting big game, when they and their party of bodyguards and associates were attacked by a herd of angry elephants. Witnesses reported that the animals singled out the Trumps and particularly went to work on both, trampling them beneath their full weight. Authorities in Zimbabwe will take no action against the elephants, and have called for, and I quote, extra sized spatulas, end quote, to clean up the mess. We are still awaiting word on whether or not the bodies will be repatriated or simply dumped in a trash heap.

Other family members are in no position to claim them at this time. Ivanka Trump and her ex-husband Jared Kushner are both in prison after their convictions for fraud in the so called Covfefe Gambit affair that was the final nail in the coffin of former President Trump’s tenure. The former chief executive himself is doing time for the next forty years in prison for that same fraud, as well as treason in giving state secrets to his good friend Vladimir Putin. Trump, who has spent the last two years in a six by ten-foot cell, deprived of the ability to tweet, has been described by some as unhinged and deeply unhappy at the state of his hairline, demanding to be released and vowing revenge on a list of enemies.

Melania Trump has retreated to Europe with her son and has had little to say to anyone since the dying days of her husband’s presidency. Her infamous ‘let them eat waffles’ remark about angry Vietnam veterans has never been forgiven, and getting away from America while she could may have been the right course of action. Often forgotten younger daughter Tiffany Trump, who managed to stay out of criminal convictions by not being part of her father’s administration, shrugged when told of the deaths of her brothers, saying that ‘this is what happens when you need to compensate for your physical shortcomings by trophy hunting. And as a complete aside, I never really liked either of them.’

Former president Pence, who notably recently skipped the inauguration of his successor, and who reportedly had a meltdown on election night, went into a profanity laden rant when reporters caught up to him in Indianapolis this morning. Pence, who lost the 2020 election by the biggest margin in American history, looked five minutes away from a stroke as he screamed at reporters, cursing like a sailor and blowing a proverbial gasket before being whisked away by his Secret Service detail.

President Biden continues to get settled into his presidency, which has an informal theme of Restoring Sanity. After a stunning electoral night win which had him take every state but Mississippi, the new president has been busy restoring the dignity of the office after the turbulent Trump-Pence administration. Biden has a Democratic Congress to work with, while the former Republican party has fractured into six pieces and is caught up in infighting. He has steadfastly refused to consider pardoning the Trumps, stating that the Supreme Court has already ruled on the matter when President Pence attempted it. Instead he told reporters today he must respect the rule of law, which applies to all citizens, ‘especially the president.’ Biden finished his remarks in the press room at the White House, excusing himself to head off to the White House kitchen in search of a rocky road ice cream cone.

In other news, the ongoing conflict in the American heartland continues. The self-appointed General Miranda Lambert continues her feud with her ex-husband’s wife, the self-described Fabulous Supremacy, Gwen Stefani. Both sides in the years long conflict have their fans and followers, who continue to wage a low level state of warfare on each other. Authorities continue to try to intervene in the feud, arresting those on either side after fist fights and shoot outs. Members of Congress and state governors have asked the two singers to knock it off. Lambert has refused, and so has Stefani. Stefani’s husband Blake Shelton, the one-time sexiest man alive, spends his time avoiding the issue entirely.

Steve Bannon remains at large. The former Trump confidante and head of Breitbart was wanted for inciting violence after his part in trying to start a race war in the dying days of the Trump presidency. Last month he was confronted by a British secret agent with a Walther PPK and a dry sense of humor at his hollowed out volcano base of operations, and in the ensuing conflagration, Bannon was believed to be dead in an explosion. However, a video featuring Bannon’s head grafted onto a robot’s body was issued to the press. Bannon vowed revenge and swore that he’d finish building his death ray, if every Breitbart subscriber would just send him their bank code information.

The Oscars are coming up later this month, and people are still puzzled as to how explosion-prone director Michael Bay could have possibly garnered an Oscar nomination for his film Casablanca III: Rick Gets Lucky, which was panned by critics and despised by audiences. The vacant eyed director is remaining tight lipped, while Academy staffers are busy trying to determine if their nomination process somehow got hacked.

A long missing masterpiece work of art, The Storm On The Sea Of Galilee, done by Rembrandt and stolen in 1990 from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston, was recovered by authorities today, with the thieves taken into custody in France after an intensive investigation. While Interpol authorities have not publicly identified the suspects, the Facebook page of the high wire acrobats the Wallendas has been taken down after the painting was reportedly displayed in the background of a family gathering on one of their numerous photos. None of the family are available for comment, fueling suspicions on the matter.

Disgraced former evangelist and former presidential candidate Pat Robertson died today at home, surrounded by family and minions. One of those minions, speaking anonymously, reported that Robertson looked horrified in his last minutes, as if, and I quote, ‘staring right into the face of hell’, end quote. Reached for comment via webcam, the Prince of Darkness stated that ‘I should have really taken him five years ago, but I was busy whispering into Kellyanne Conway’s ear about the Bowling Green Massacre.’

In science news, physicists at Cal Tech claim it is now possible to broadcast news into the past. This has delighted gambling addicts, who hope their past selves will be able to place sure fire bets knowing who will win a game. Experts hope it will give solace to those still living through the Trump presidency, otherwise known as the Age Of Darkness, that the time of suffering will eventually end. Other experts warn of the perils of interfering in the space-time continuum.

And in sporting news, the Toronto Maple Leafs have been officially eliminated from the NHL playoffs after losing the first fifty-eight games of the season. Fans in Toronto are taking it all in stride, claiming that next year will be the year their team finally brings the Stanley Cup home. Fans of every other team in the league are laughing at them.” 

Rantings Of A Demented Candidate

So, the Republican convention is underway, and I thought I'd take the obnoxious voice of Donald Trump again and speculate on the sort of crap he might blather on with. Needless to say, finding his voice is highly revolting. And odds are what he actually says will be much worse.

“I’ve just gotta say, folks, it’s great to see all of you out here ready to confirm what we already know: that the only person who can take this piece of crap party back to power is me, me, and me. Donald Trump. Because I am the best. I am the greatest. I do great things, folks. Everybody knows it. They know that the Trump name stands for quality and integrity and all that good stuff.

Hello, Cleveland! Well, those members of the community who got in here, anyway. I don’t give a crap about any of those stupid protesting ****ers out on the other side of the police lines, let me tell you. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in Cleveland, and let’s be honest... this is probably the last time I’ll ever come here, because let’s face it, the place is a hellhole, folks. Hell on Earth, let me tell you. When I get into the White House, I’m gonna build a wall right around this cesspool of a city and turn it into a prison, just like that movie, Escape From Forrest Gump, with Kurt Russell taking shots at Tom Hanks, right? And I’m gonna sentence Rosie O’Donnell to spend the rest of her life right here, believe me. Have I mentioned what a disgusting cow she is? It’s terrible, just terrible.

I know, some smarty pants reporters are going to be saying, hey Donald, you can’t sentence anyone to anything. You’re not a judge. Well, you know what I say to that? **** you! First thing I do when I get into the White House, I’m gonna be passing laws that revoke your rights and let me do whatever the **** I want! Emperor Donald, folks, that’s me.

And let me tell you something, folks. There are a lot of people out there who look at me and they criticize. They dare to question me. They think they’ve got the right to make fun of me. They refuse to bow down and worship me as I so richly deserve.

Well, **** that! Because I’ve got big plans, folks, big plans. As part of naming myself Emperor For Life, Supreme Majestor, and His Stupendous Greatness Lord Donald, which all of you vermin are gonna have to memorize, I’ll be passin’ a law that makes even the slightest criticism of me illegal and punishable by terms of seventy years hard labour in the Donald Trump re-education camps. You heard me right, folks.

Because anyone who makes fun of me, says I’ve got little hands, or thinks my hair isn’t actually real hair, they’re gonna end up there. Along with everyone who voted against me, believe me. Because the Trump campaign is gonna keep track of every ballot and who voted for who and what their social insurance number is. Don’t ask me how we’re gonna do it, we got ourselves a hell of a system. And after the election’s over, we’re gonna be busy settlin’ scores and puttin’ people behind bars and into forced labour and all that great stuff, am I right, folks?

You know what I expect outta life? What I’ve already got. Incredibly hot wife, I mean have you looked at Melania? She’s smokin’ hot and sexy and never in her life would even dream of plagiarizing anything. Let me tell you, folks, she’s almost as hot as my daughter Ivanka. And don’t worry, just because I’ve already divorced twice for younger women every single time doesn’t mean that’s gonna happen again anytime soon.

I haven’t had a chance to go out to Eastern Europe and scope any hot babes for the position of Mrs. Trump #4. Just kidding, believe me, trust me, that’s just a joke. Hey, if I’m lyin’, may lightning strike Justice Ginsberg.

Speaking of the old bat, let me tell you, she’s absolutely disgusting. First order of business after I’ve suspended your rights and all of democracy, I’m havin’ the whole Supreme Court arrested and locked up in my Trump re-education camps. Just because. We don’t need nine morons in black robes lookin’ like something outta a bad movie from what’s his name? Oh yeah, a bad movie from Olaf Bergman tellin’ us what to do. We just need me tellin’ you what to do. Like it was always supposed to be.

Where was I? Oh, right, tellin’ you what I expect outta life. Like I said, I already got that hot wife, and she’s gonna look all hot and sexy and gorgeous and amazin’ as First Lady. I got lots of people sayin’ to me, yes sir and right away, Mr. Trump, and let’s not forget, as you wish, dread lord of darkness. I got all of that. I got respect, let me tell you. I got respect from everybody and everything. I got respect comin’ outta my ass.

Everybody knows what a great guy I am. I mean, the blacks love me, even when I’m dumpin’ all over them or havin’ their homes torn down or plannin’ on revoking the 13^th Amendment. The Mexicans love me. Doesn’t matter if I’m callin’ them rapists and demandin’ they pay for the yuuuuuuuuge wall I’m gonna have built. Muslims love me, even if I think all of them should be kicked outta the country, believe me folks, that’s the first order of business when I get into the White House. Civil liberties, my ass.

Anyway, who else loves me? Women love me. Because every woman wants nothin’ more than to have a rich guy take care of ‘em and tell ‘em what they should do, right folks? Well, to be fair, not every woman. I mean, that Megyn Kelly, she doesn’t seem that impressed with me. Don’t know why, what did I ever do to her? Except that whole thing about blood comin’ outta her whatever. Hey, you know what? I still stand by what I said.

Hey, there’s Scott Baio, ladies and gentlemen, give the great guy a big hand. Did I promise this whole thing was gonna be star studded or what? And we all know that Scott Baio, he’s a hell of a guy, real A-list material. Scott, I’m seriously thinkin’ of havin’ you be my Head Honcho Of Culture, or whatever the **** I’m gonna call it after the dumbasses vote me in. Nobody can do that job better than a truly great actor like you.

It’s great to see Scott out here. And Kirk Cameron. Hey, Kirk, any thought to becomin’ my Grand Poobah of State Theocracy? We’re gonna need one, but you’re gonna have to shift your focus to the Worship of Trump first. Because aside from bein’ an Emperor, I’m elevatin’ myself to god status too.

Hey folks, there’s old Pat Robertson there lookin’ like he’s about to stroke out. Fooled you, did I? You thought you’d be the Grand Poobah of State Theocracy in the United States Of Trump, right? Well, sorry, old man, but that just isn’t gonna happen.

You know who’s not here tonight, folks? Lots of Republicans who are refusing to bow down and acknowledge me as their rightful master. We’re talkin’ two former presidents. We’re talkin’ two former GOP presidential candidates. And yes, John McCain, I still stand by what I said. I don’t like guys who get caught and end up prisoners of war. They’re losers. Losers! I like winners. Winners like me.

And we’ve got plenty of Republicans out there who decided not to show up at all. They made up all sorts of excuses. They snickered when they asked if they’d support me. They said they were busy mowing the lawn this week. Well, boys and girls... mostly boys, because I don’t give a **** about career women. When I’m in the White House, I’m comin’ after every single one of you in this party who show me this kinda disrespect. 

You don’t disrespect a Trump. And what I end up doin’ to the Mexicans and the liberals and the Muslims and the blacks and the Daughters Of The Revolution isn’t gonna be anywhere near as bad as what I’m gonna do to you traitors, believe me, folks, I know what I’m talking about. We’re talking scorched earth, people, the mother of all throwdowns.

That reminds me of my old pal Saddam. You know, when you really got to know the guy, he wasn’t that bad. Sure, he slaughtered lots of people, but he made an effort to take pride in his work. You know who else does that? Winners.

Anyway, I’m gettin’ carried away with myself. Make America Great Again. That’s my motto. That and Donald Trump Is Master Of The Universe. Because let’s face it folks, believe me, I am. Everybody knows that, and when I’m done and Crooked Hillary is spending the remainder of her days in a prison cell, it’s not gonna end there. Because I’m gonna have her daughter and grandchildren serve her sentence after she’s gone. All part of my Destroy Freedoms And Rule With An Iron Fist agenda. Wait, did I say that out loud? I wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. Forget I said anything, okay, folks?

In closing, I just wanna thank my running mate. Mike Pence, governor of that great state of Indiana. This man, folks, he and I think alike. Mike, I swear, you’re not gonna regret hitchin’ your wagon to the greatness that is Trump. I mean, seriously, am I right, folks? We got the best team, the most amazing people workin’ for us, and we got all the suckers believin’ every line of bull we feed them.

Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, can possibly go wrong now. So don’t worry, Mike, we’re goin’ all the way to the White House.

Or as I’m gonna call it, the Trump House."