The British Government Scam

 

They never know how to stop. They will never go away. I speak, of course, of that vile lot known to infamy as homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus- the internet scammer and spammer. They never give up in writing inane comments that have nothing to do with the subject matter, desperately trying to generate traffic for their own websites. They will send us emails promising riches beyond our wildest dreams if we only believe their unbelievable stories. Or they send us random emails with phishing links that will ruin your life if you click on that link. Such as the following. 

Welcome

Our records show that you are not up to date with your current vehicle tax.

This is your last (v11) reminder from us.

Your vehicle is not permitted to legally be on the road.

If you fail to pay your road tax you may face a fine or other penalties.

You must fill out the form below to be up to standard with the DVLA legal requirements.

Well, then. What do we say to that? Aside from the fact that this was not the last reminder but the very first time I'd received this email. This is the sort of email that sometimes comes as a scammer phone call- an automated voice claiming to be from a government agency saying they've locked your social insurance number unless you do everything they say (the actual departments have lots of online information saying they would never do this).

This tells me that my vehicle is not legally permitted to be on the road, because I haven't paid my vehicle tax. For the DVLA, which is a British government department.

First off, genius, I don't own a car. Second, I'm a Canadian citizen, not a British citizen. So the real DVLA has zero jurisdiction on a Canadian who doesn't own a car. And even if I were British, the actual department wouldn't be sending phishing emails to random people in their own country, let alone across the world.

Because this isn't the real DVLA. This is someone who lives in a basement, has no real job, no real purpose, no life, and nothing to do with their time but try to send out endless amounts of phishing emails in the desperate attempt that someone will open it up and believe their stupidity.

Nice try, numbskull. Really.

But this is what we should do with you.

Internet Scammers, Go Rot In Hell

I've said it many times before, and I'll say it again. They will never get the point. I speak of course of the hapless wastes of oxygen commonly known as internet spammers and scammers (aka homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus). We tell them to drop dead in public, and yet they keep coming back to infest our blog spam folders with their nonsensical crap. They send us emails with get-rich schemes and cancer widow stories that anyone with a working brain can see right through. Such as the following, which I'm sharing from my partner in crime Norma, who received it in her email some weeks back.

Hello Good day ,

Did you see the previous email I sent to you in regards to the
transfer of $11 Millions US Dollars already approved on your behalf?

Do Let me know so I can resend it.Also you can send your direct number for easy
communications here is My Private Email: burgetjan68@citromail.hu

My regards to your good self,
Mrs.Burget Jan.
World Bank International Auditor Switzerland.

Oh, joy. The usual tell tales of the email scammer. Albeit brief. They start with the formal greeting: "hello. Good day." You know, you can choose one or the other. Is that too difficult? 

They ask if we'd seen the previous email (there was no previous email, because none of this is legit). They claim to be transferring eleven million dollars (or in the idiotic way they phrase it "$11 Millions US Dollars"). If they can't correctly use the word million and they insist on capitalizing words that don't need it (a classic hallmark of internet scammers), how on earth do they figure they'll ever be taken seriously?

And then there are the other issues. This person clearly can't write in a way that suggests proper education: spacing issues, punctuation issues, the aforementioned excessive capitalization. It reads like a form letter handed out at Internet Scammer University (based out of Spammerville in a back corner of Nigeria). And of course the ending tells the tale. An internet address with a Hungarian country code (the first email address in a long chain of email addresses helping this idiot cover their tracks if they actually get someone gullible enough to buy it) with a person claiming to be with the World Bank and based out of Switzerland.

Oh, sure. Right. Yes, that's believable. I'm sure that if one goes along with this totally ridiculous offer of receiving eleven million dollars from a complete stranger on the internet, nothing could possibly go wrong.

And if you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn.

Nice try, scammer, but we've seen your games before. Try it on someone else in that list of five million random emails you have.

I'll leave it to a certain Vulcan to express what I think should happen to you.

Can We Kill 2020?

 The new year is nearly upon us. Well, it can't be any worse than last year, right?

Right???

Hurtling Towards The Brexit Disaster

Snap Election Campaign Continues, Prime Minister Johnson Keeps Up Buffoonery

London (Reuters) There is an old saying: may you live in interesting times. It can be said to be both a blessing and a curse, and such is the case these days. With Brexit perpetually delayed and an election campaign underway in Britain after Prime Minister Boris Johnson lost a confidence vote, interesting days are an understatement in Her Majesty’s Not So United Kingdom at the moment.

There are those who say Brexit never needed to happen in the first place, that the citizens of the country didn’t really understand the consequences of the referendum when the vote to leave the European Union happened. Then there are those who instigated the referendum in the first place, people such as Johnson, who weaseled his way into the Prime Minister’s post after going out of his way to sabotage his predecessor, Theresa May. And then there are the others, such as Nigel Farage, leader of the right wing Brexit Party, who was part of the initiative to drive the UK out of the EU. Caught out on the campaign trail, Farage was his usual creepy used car salesman self. “**** the European Union, I say! Yes, you heard me say it. **** the European ****ing Union!”

It’s been said in the cinema: some men just want to watch the world burn. When Farage was asked if this applied to him, he smiled. “Oh, yes, I love fire. Probably a little too much, and don’t quote me on that. Wait, did I say that out loud?”

Jeremy Corbyn, the left leaning Labour leader, hopes to make gains in the House of Commons in the snap election. “People are tired of the pratfalls and the face palm moments from the current prime minister,” he told reporters on a campaign stop at a retirement home in Yorkshire, where senior citizens were more interested in watching Coronation Street than shaking hands with a politician. “They’re tired of the unfeeling, vindictive tactics of the Tories. So it’s time for the unfeeling, vindictive tactics of the Labour Party. Wait, did I say that out loud?”

Johnson himself, the accident prone moronic politician who never saw a photo op he didn’t love, is in the political fight of his life, months after assuming the prime minister’s post. The goofball with the weird hair who seems perpetually out of his depth in the job, and is now the third prime minister to have to deal with the consequences of Brexit- something that he was behind at the time. Such a task would try the skills of even the brightest and gifted leader.

Boris Johnson is not bright and gifted.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Johnson told the press while on the campaign trail at a conference centre in London. “It is in our hands, the great decision. We can move forward with leaving Europe once and for all, and strike out on our own. Or we can remain in this quagmire of decisiveness. What I’m asking everyone to do is to trust me. After all, I’m really qualified for this job.”

“If you’re so qualified, how is it you don’t know to use the word decisiveness in the proper context?” one reporter asked. “Because logically speaking, you should have said indecision instead.”

“I did say indecision,” Johnson insisted.

“No, you didn’t,” the reporter countered.

“I did so!” Johnson blustered, seeming frustrated.

“We have it recorded, Prime Minister,” another reporter said.

“I did so! You’re all out to get me! Well, I won’t have it. I’m just going to get back out on the street and keep shaking hands and talking to voters. They get me!” Johnson turned, walking away from the reporters, and tripped on a loose shoelace. He proceeded to tumble head first down a staircase, howling at every impact. Finally hitting the bottom, he was heard to moan and groan, and to call out, “Um, a little help?”

Many in the Conservative party are frustrated with Johnson, feeling that the grandstanding prime minister has led them into disaster, seeking other voices to come in and pull the party and the country away from the madness of Brexit. “This should have never been brought forward in a referendum,” a Tory MP, wishing to remain anonymous, confided. “That clumsy jackass was one of the instigators of all this, and now he’s at Ten Downing. As a country, we have to get behind an alternative. Someone who’s a natural leader. The damned shame is we had one. A thoughtful and articulate former cabinet secretary who got screwed over not once, but twice. Best man for the job, if you ask me. But he won’t take it.”

That former cabinet minister has retired to his country estate in Devonshire, where he’s been writing his memoirs. It has been said by some of his supporters that he intends to bide his time until after the next election, should disaster strike the Tory party, before launching a bid for the leadership and to overthrow Johnson. He certainly has every reason to want to get even with Johnson, who conspired to get rid of him twice. And yet he retains his dignity, his sense of grace and calmness under pressure, and his articulate, thoughtful ways of getting his point across. Reporters approached him at home, finding the short of stature redheaded Muppet looking his usual self.

“Meep! Meep meep meep meep!”

Alpacalypses And Weasels

I have an image blog today. Enjoy!