The First Lady ATM Scammer

Sigh. You would think they would wise up that we're onto them. You would think that they would stop their current line of work to find an honest line of work. But no. They won't stop, because this is all they know how to do. They infest our emails with scams that are too good to be true. They send random comments to our blogs to promote themselves. I speak, of course, of homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, the lowly subset of human beings we call the internet scammer and spammer. The following line of garbage was sent to my email recently.

It might interest you to know today that we have completed Investigation in the ATM visa card worth us$10.5 million in your name
With Bank of America in New York today and you are hereby approved to receive the Visa Card as assigned to dr. rafiq bengali at fdx courier company as we have Verified the entire transaction to be safe and 100% risk free by the United State of America federal government and white house representatives. If you receive this email in your spam/junk folder mail then move it to your inbox mail before responding to me so I will be able to receive your email.

This message is coming to you from Mrs. Melania Trump. I am writing to inform you about your Bank ATM CARD and your 2025 Rolls Royce Cullinan brought by the white House Washington DC agency and has been mandated to be delivered to your address as soon as you get back to me with your below information.

1. Your full name:=======
3. Your country:=========
4. Your home address:====
2. Your telephone no:====
5. Your nearest airport:==
Your ATM contains the sum of $10.5 million USD.

Send a direct email to me on my private email which is (.....) or reply directly to this email you received.

I will be waiting to hear from you with your full information immediately you receive this good news, thanks and God bless you. Remember to move this message to your inbox mail before you can respond to my email so I can be able to receive your email

Remain Blessed,
Yours faithfully
Her. Excellency Mrs. Melania Trump.

Okay then. First of all, I should mention that the originating email (which is probably the first in a long line of email addresses) had an ip code address for a university in India. There's your first red flag that something about this is horribly wrong.

Second, they are claiming that this is coming from Melania Trump. The First Lady. Also known as the First Lady to pose nude in soft-porn pics with other women, the First Lady who plagiarizes, the First Lady who really doesn't want the job. 

The First Lady who supposedly speaks multiple languages, but for all intents and purposes can't demonstrate that. The First Lady who doesn't read or have any noted cause. Oh, sure. While I admit she's from a family of grifters, this isn't her. This is your typical internet scammer who foists onto a name, tells a story, and misspells things, or capitalizes words (and by extension doesn't capitalize words)- the hallmark of the internet scammer. Just that this time, they decided to make use of the name of the current First Lady, whose work experience consists of soft porn and ignoring actually carrying out any duties of the position she's found herself in.

So we're supposed to believe that this First Lady is spending her time with ATM Visa scams, which is one of those standard scams usually run by someone passing themselves off as a banker. Oh, right. And for good measure she signs herself off as "Her Excellency Mrs. Melania Trump." I get it, MAGA thinks Trump is King, but he's not, and "Excellency" is not a title used either for Dementia Donald or She Who Avoids Her Husband. 

Come on, how stupid do you think we are? I have to stop asking that question, because unfortunately there are a lot of stupid people around, and they keep lowering the bar. I can only speak for myself, that I know better, having had seen too many of these scam emails. But those to whom it might be directed to- the drooling masses of MAGA, for instance- might be dumb enough to believe it. After all, they believe just about anything they're told by their orange master... or Fox News.

To the person who really sent this email, I want you to go watch the First Lady's "documentary." In the same setting as below. And see how long you last.

I Blame It All On Rene Belloq

I have an image blog today. Enjoy!

Internet Scammers, I Cast Thee Out

They never learn. They never take a hint and just stop. I speak of course of the spammers who try to infest our posts with crap that we didn't ask for, totally off the topic nonsense. Most of the time their comments go straight to spam folders. Sometimes they get published, but not for long. One such spammer (or several, using the same technique) has been doing the standard comment with a link for a Thai gambling site for some time on several photoblogs I follow. The other day I noticed a number of comments from the same person on several blogs- 'lovely, you may be interested in my posts.' The link led back to his blog, which turned out to be something along the lines of a book review theme, perhaps Turkish. I had a look for a simple reason- he had posted that same comment on a photoblog I follow from Florida, in a post that the writer had made about Hurricane Michael coming and being worried about it. Imagine that, writing 'lovely' in a post about an oncoming hurricane. While his site might not be spam, the generic comment and the inappropriateness of it made me leave him an unpleasant comment calling him out. He actually replied back with a generic 'thank you for your valuable input.' Had he actually listened, he might have instead said, 'wow, you're right, it wasn't appropriate to write that.' So I've permanently deemed him to be a spammer.

Then of course there are the internet scammers. The following came through my email the other day.

How are u doing today ? Apologies! I am a military woman ,seeking your kind assistance to move the sum of ($10,500,000.00 USD) to you, as far as I can be assured that my money will be safe in your care until I complete my service here in Afghanistan and come over next month. This is legitimate, and there is no danger involved. If interested, reply immediately for detailed information. Regards , Sgt. Monica L. Brown

I've seen the military NCO as a scammer routine before. And if you google that name, you'll get notifications of two things- scam notifications and a Wiki page for the actual Sergeant Monica Lin Brown. Yes, she exists, with the distinction of being an actual US Army sergeant and medic who was the first woman during the Afghan War to get the Silver Star. The real Sergeant Brown is well decorated and I presume absolutely nowhere near Afghanistan... and is probably well aware that her name is being used by scumbag internet scammers (yes, scammers, you are scumbags and always will be. Don't like my saying that? I really don't give a damn).

This time it's a relatively short one. Punctuation and spacing issues are a tell tale of the internet scammer. So to is the mix of formal and informal phrases- I don't know about you, but when I'm emailing a complete stranger, I'm not likely to write u in place of you. Hell, to be honest, I wouldn't do that with a friend; I find it lazy writing.  The formal writing- a phrase like "seeking your kind assistance to move"? Definitely written like someone for whom English is a second language, because generally speaking, we don't talk that way.

They dangle the big sum of money in front of us, as if that'll disarm any suspicions we might have of this unsolicited email (note to the scammers: suspicions still well entrenched in place. I just thought you should know). They claim they want me to sit on this money that they're moving out of the country (wow, I wonder what the Afghan government would make of a Yankee soldier swiping ten and a half million USD worth out cash out of their coffers). They assure me that they think the money will be safe in my care (note to scammers, it wouldn't be, because first, it doesn't exist, this is all about trying to con me out of money, and second if it did exist and some complete stranger gave me ten and a half million dollars to take care of until they get back into the country next month... I have to be honest, I'd totally disappear with it, and you'd never find me.

And of course there's the proviso that "this is legitimate and there is no danger involved." Uh huh. Right. Sure, I'll trust you on that. Right after I start trusting a shifty French archaeologist with no scruples whose fashion tastes are being duplicated in the strangest of ways. 

Nice try, scamming scammer. You take the name of someone who's actually served her country, someone whose profile is readily accessible, and use it to your own ends, hoping that someone will be dumb enough to bite and send off five grand as a sign of good faith that you're going to send them the ten point five million. Maybe someone else on that list of hundreds of thousands of email addresses you're randomly sending this crap out to will bite. But not me.

In an ideal world we could have Sergeant Brown and her colleagues come track you down, military style. And drop a bunker buster on you.

The Rampage Of A Fired Sitcom Celebrity

Fallen Network Star Fumes, Gets New Opportunity

Los Angeles (AP). The fallout of the cancellation of Roseanne Barr’s show after a racist tweet continues, with things going in different directions on multiple fronts. The turbulence-loving star, who was summarily fired by ABC after her remarks against a former Obama adviser, has spent time lashing out at other cast members of the Roseanne update who expressed disappointment in her. Barr and her supporters have been busy feeding into conspiracy theories. From the White House, Donald Trump has been busy lashing out at ABC and demanding why he hasn’t been apologized to as opposed to doing his job. Others have been wondering why the woman with the world’s most obnoxious laugh just won’t go away.

There have been suggestions about how to salvage the show, at the very least to give the cast and the crew a continued source of work, particularly given the high ratings that the update has been having. It was removed from the schedule in the wake of the controversy, as were syndicated reruns of the original series on other stations. “It’s been done before,” an ABC network executive admitted, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Valerie Harper left her show, and the show went on without her. When Charlie Sheen lost his mind and got fired off Two And A Half Men, the show retooled and went on without him. The network is still open to exploring possibilities about saving the show. Just not with Roseanne involved in any capacity, because between you and me and the network, she’s nuts.”

The scenarios suggested have varied. Picking up the series a couple of years later with Dan Conner a widower, and Roseanne’s name never mentioned again is one idea. Another notion picks up threads from the Dallas series or the finale of the sitcom Newhart, with dreams being a central concept. Producer Bruce Helford confirmed that there are ideas being bounced around about salvaging the series.

“One of the more amusing ideas is that we start an episode with Dan waking up in bed in the middle of the night in a cold sweat,” Helford told reporters yesterday. “Sits up straight and yells out, ‘honey, I had a horrible dream! I was married to the world’s most obnoxious woman for years on end and she just wouldn’t stop cackling that awful laugh and spewing conspiracy theories and being a bitter….’ And then his wife sits up in bed. And of course instead of Roseanne, it’s her sister Jackie, but in this reboot of the show, Jackie’s an only child, has no sister, and she and Dan have been happily married for thirty years.”

“**** that!” Roseanne Barr bellowed in an unsolicited call to Fox & Friends during their Monday morning broadcast, slurring her words at times and using colourful vocabulary, leaving one wondering if she was mixing meds with booze again. “They can’t take the characters I created, the show I ****ing created, and wipe me out of the show! I’ll never ****ing let them! I’d rather burn the ****ing set down! Scorched ****ing earth, you ****ing ****ers!”

Her ex-husband, Tom Arnold, once seen as an opportunistic, untalented snake when he leeched onto the show during its first run for a time, has had a few things to say on the matter, mostly in interviews with the networks. “She’s bipolar, okay?” he said on CNN last night. “She doesn’t handle stress well, and she craves attention. The best thing you can do right about now is just ignore her. Meanwhile, how about in the reboot, we have my character come back as a used car salesman and comic relief?”

As noted, the issue has made waves around the White House. Roseanne’s character was written as a Trump supporter in the revisited series, and the tensions between she and other family members over politics was a subplot in the series. This has elicited sympathy out of Trump, who has been vocal in support of the actress and using the matter to further his own grudges.

On Monday evening he made an announcement to the press at the White House. Instead of addressing matters such as the impending G7 meeting where he’ll be quite unwelcome, or the on and off North Korea summit, or the fact that he’s going out of his way to alienate and irritate allies, the President chose to focus on a matter that he found more pressing. “The way Roseanne Barr has been treated is very unfair! Unfair! Very unfair bigly! They fired her for something that doesn’t really matter, because she’s a fan of me, and I’m a fan of her. Big time! And those crooked networks, that mainstream media that hates me, they’re never gonna let her back in. They’re never gonna apologize to her or to me. So I have decided, as my job gives me absolute power to do whatever the **** I want, to screw over those ****ing networks by doing something different.”

Trump smiled in that leering smirk way of his, and continued. “I’m giving Roseanne a job. An important job. A big job in a prestigious place. Because she’s one of the best people. And I only hire the best people. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that. Now I could be making her my chief of staff, and who knows, maybe I will. I mean, that ****er Kelly is gonna be on his way out any day soon now, and I’ll tell you, I’m sick and tired of that mother****er telling me I gotta control myself. Control myself? I’m in control, I’m the best at being in control, believe me, folks.”

The orange tinted chief executive paused a moment, as if trying to keep track of what he was saying. “Where was I? Oh yes, the job. Now I want to give Roseanne the right kind of job. Something that requires tact and grace and all that bullshit. Something important. I thought diplomacy. In an important place. But I can’t make her an ambassador, at least not yet. She doesn’t have the experience, and besides, where I’m sending her, the ambassador’s a close personal friend of mine who donated to my campaign. So instead I’m giving her a chance to build up some experience in the field. I’m making her the official communications director for our embassy in Great Britain. Isn’t that covfefe great?”

The press corps was in a state of stunned silence for a moment, until someone spoke up. “Have you lost your mind?”

“Shut the **** up!” Trump answered. “She’s gonna be great in the job, tellin’ those stuffy Brits what’s what and who’s for. She’s gonna pave the way for my first official state visit to Old England, Scotland, whatever the ****, I mean, who cares about what the ****ing difference is between the British Brits. English, Scottish, it’s all the same. So where was I? Oh yes, state visit! We’re talking me shaking hands with that old battleaxe Lizzie, tellin’ her to put a big Trump Casino sign up at that Burpingham Palace place, because let’s face it, that place needs a bit of Trump class. We’re talking me giving a big speech for the ages to their worthless little parliament and telling those stuffy mother****ers who's in charge. And they’d better ****ing show me some ****ing respect, and apologize to my buddy Vladimir for that whole ****ing overreaction to that spy being poisoned thing. Now, no more questions, I gotta get busy on this afternoon’s ****ing tweet rampage before I give an official ****ing pardon to the corpse of Charles ****ing Manson.” With that, Trump stormed out of the press room.

Needless to say, the British are not amused. Prime Minister May, busy trying to wrangle some kind of solution out of the Brexit fiasco, was displeased by the statement. A formal statement from Ten Downing Street indicated that the American President is not welcome on British soil. Another statement from Buckingham Palace noted, “the Royal Family is not obliged to receive someone incapable of tact and respectful behavior, neither in the capacity of an embassy staffer or a head of state. It is recommended to the current occupant of the Oval Office that should he visit Britain at any point during or after his presidency, Her Majesty has the Tower of London at her disposal, and while it is largely a tourist attraction, the infrastructure for its old uses as a prison are still in place, and she sees no problem with detaining, quote, an insufferable lout, end quote, for a few weeks.”

When the statement reached the White House, Trump’s latest Twitter storm was magnified ten times worse, and Chief of Staff John Kelly has reportedly told military officers not to let the President near the nuclear codes. “What the hell was I thinking,” he said to reporters last night outside the West Wing. “Taking this job? Did I lose control of my faculties for a moment? Say, do the networks have any job openings coming up for former White House staffers as pundits? Because I could use a less stressful job right about now.”