Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once more for the perspectives of the dog and the cat, and as always, I start with the hound's point of view on things.

7:35 AM. Waking up at home. Had good dreams. Found myself chasing down the mailman and chomping on his leg. Which is precisely when I woke up. What is it about dreams that makes you wake up just when it’s getting really good?

7:41 AM. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn’t it? I don’t know if you’ve looked outside and saw all that fresh snow? Say, how about some breakfast before I get out for my morning run?

7:44 AM. Wolfing down my breakfast. Yum yum yummy!

7:46 AM. Out the door and bursting into my first run of the day.

7:51 AM. Running among the back fields through the snow, barking my head off. I can’t break any personal speed records... the snow does slow me down a bit, but boy does it feel good to be running around in it. I don’t know why some people don’t like the winter....

8:02 AM. Stopping by the property that belongs to that cranky cat and her human. I wonder if she’s out today. I think I should go say hello. What with Christmas coming, this is the season for peace on earth and goodwill towards men, cats, and dogs, right? Is that how the phrase goes?

8:04 AM. Walking through the yard. Looking at the windows. No sign of that human’s car, so she must be off. 

8:05 AM. Hey, there she is, at the kitchen window. Hello, cat! How are you today?

8:06 AM. The cat seems to be expressing vehement hostility and anger. I don’t really understand why. I mean, I’m a perfectly respectable dog, after all, and have never misbehaved around her. Except those odd occasions where I’ve sneaked up on her and barked at her. But we don’t count such occasions, do we? Of course not.

8:07 AM. Come on, cat, can’t we let bygones be bygones? Can’t we get along with each other? Do you understand the meaning of the term peace on earth?

8:08 AM. The cat is giving me the finger. Fine, whatever, I hope you get coal in your stocking on Christmas.

8:09 AM. Taking leave of the cat’s property. I will never, ever understand what makes a cat the way they are.

8:22 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Spike? Just for the record, can we both agree that cats are beyond weird? Because they really are.

8:25 AM. Spike and I discuss the meaning of the old saying as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It does seem quite perplexing. Not as perplexing as cats themselves, of course.

8:29 AM. Parting ways with Spike. He says if he’s outside, he’ll let me know when the mailman’s coming down the road by a furious round of barks.

8:48 AM. Back home. Barking greetings to the human, who’s on her way back from the barn. I roll around in the snow just for good measure.

8:51 AM. The human subjects me to the Towel of Torment before letting me inside. Come on, human, all that snow in my fur could just as easily be dealt with by lying by the fireplace for an hour. And don’t get started about the smell of a wet dog.

9:02 AM. Stopping by the fireplace. Nice and toasty and warm. Circling around three times and settling down on the floor. Time for a nap. Mental note: wake up before lunch. We can’t pass up an opportunity to mooch.

11:51 AM. Waking up to sounds from kitchen. Oh, good, the human’s making lunch. 

11:58 AM. Have successfully mooched some dinner rolls from the human. Yum yum yum!!!

12:23 PM. Watching the local noon news. The weather forecaster is looking decidedly panicked. Uses the term half a metre of snow in twenty four hours. Oh, come on, that’s no reason to panic! That’s a reason to go out and make snow forts and jump and play and run and dash through even more snow.

2:35 PM. Looking outside. Hey, the snow’s really picked up. I can’t even see the road. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the mailman either. Maybe he got buried in an avalanche somewhere. Human? If the mailman’s not found before spring, would that be a bad thing?

4:35 PM. Chased my tail. One of these days, I'll catch it.

6:05 PM. The human’s finishing up making dinner. I’m busy watching and drooling.

6:20 PM. Having dinner with the human. Pancakes with bacon.... very tasty!

11:35 PM. The human is off to bed. She’s wondering when all that snow’s finally going to stop. It’ll stop when it stops, don’t worry. Good night, human! Sleep tight!

And keep the door open. I might be up around four in the morning to bark for no reason.


  1. I love the Boxer and the baby goat.

  2. Replies
    1. Yes Norma, there really is a Hamish and he does have two minions !

  3. More wonderful dog posters! I really like the one of the beagle in the mailbox! But they are all great!

  4. It amazes me how people can get more than two puppies to pose exactly the same. lol

    These are too cute!

  5. What a fun post as always but a Scotty first !
    Perfect, made my morning.
    I love them all you find the best photos and I like the boxes and the lamb and all the clones eating !

    cheers, parsnip

  6. The dark brotherhood one cracked me up.

  7. I'm so glad we don't smell butts.

  8. Love the dog pictures. By the way, that Chocolate Lab was not a Chocolate Lab. That was a Weimaraner, a magnificent beast.

  9. So you say you didn't throw the ball? -- Hilarious!! How does that dog with the really long hair manage? Another super post, William, but, sorry, cats rule!

  10. I've always found these funny, but since getting a dog (who is currently vying for my lap with my computer) they are all the more so. I especially like the wiener dog bun. That's being sent to my mom.

  11. @Lynn: aren't they cute?

    @Norma: apparently so!

    @Lowell: thanks!

    @Diane: thank you!

    @Parsnip: I love writing this dog's voice. Such a silly hound!

    @Kelly: me too!

    @Shelly: I am too.

    @Mari: yes, weimaraners are!

    @Kittie: thank you. I saw a sign not too long ago outside a cat store- dogs drool, cats rule

    @Meradeth: dogs will do that!

  12. The bullying one is darling and so is the cat loving George! Dogs do seem to enjoy bad weather, don't they?

  13. I enjoyed everyone. Yes the dogs talking and the cats. A good laugh.

    Thanks for sharing. William.


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