Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, December 5, 2015

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And so it is now time for the cat's point of view on all things. Your Grace? The floor is yours.

7:25 AM. Waking up. Slept well. Dreamed of a vast field of catnip. 

7:28 AM. Looking outside. Fresh snow falling. What’s that story from Norse mythology? The world coming to an end under a blanket of snow?

7:33 AM. The staff turns up downstairs. Well, hello, staff. How about we get ourselves started on breakfast?

7:35 AM. The staff actually delivers a proper breakfast. Milk and a bowl of tuna. While I’m pleased by the food, I find myself suspect of the motivations. Staff, is this your way of saying your idiot relations are going to be spending Christmas here?

7:36 AM. Eating breakfast. Considering hiding places in advance just in case the staff’s idiot relations bring their rugrats along.

7:57 AM. The staff is out the front door and on her way to work. Well, farewell, staff. Bring me back a catnip toy, will you?

8:00 AM. Perched up on the kitchen windowsill, staring out at my domain. Snow continuing to fall. All’s quiet. 

8:05 AM. Movement out in the yard. Oh, brother... it’s that irritating mutt. On my property. How dare he!

8:06 AM. Giving that annoying hound a piece of my mind. Expressing my irritation at his intrusion on my land. Get lost, dog!

8:07 AM. The dog persists in being his usual idiot self, wagging his tail and acting like I should trust him. Oh, please, I would never trust a dog!

8:08 AM. I give that foul dog a final warning to get off my property. I doubt a nun would approve of the gesture I use.

8:09 AM. The mutt finally leaves. Good riddance!

8:35 AM. Turning on the Weather Channel. The forecaster looks like he’s preparing for the end of the world, talking about a major early winter storm for this area. Come on, it’s just fifty centimetres. That’s not that big a deal. When did weather forecasters turn into such cowards, anyway?

9:03 AM. Time for my first nap of the day. Never hurts to stock up some extra sleep, after all.

12:35 PM. Waking up. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of a really big ball of yarn.

1:03 PM. Staring outside. Snow falling. Fortunately no sign of that irritating mutt.

2:18 PM. More snow. You know, watching this is kind of hypnotic. It could put me to sleep if I’m not careful. Oh, why not? I think a good nap is in order. I’ve been awake for nearly two hours now, so I’m overdue for forty winks.

5:35 PM. Woken up by the sound of the front door opening. Staff? Is that you?

5:36 PM. I give the staff a head bonk to the leg in greetings. Any catnip toys, staff?

5:37 PM. The staff is going on about how bad the roads were. Yes, well, at least you got home and can therefore cater to my every whim. Speaking of which, how about some dinner?

6:10 PM. Supervising the staff while she makes dinner. The staff does need strict supervision at times.

6:41 PM. Having dinner. The staff’s having some sprouts with her lamb. I’m perfectly satisfied just with the lamb. Why anyone eats sprouts is a mystery.

7:05 PM. The staff is starting to do the dishes. While she doesn’t really need supervision for this sort of thing, I think I’ll stare at her for absolutely no reason.

7:21 PM. The staff sits on the couch to read a book. I indulge myself by jumping up on the couch and occupying her lap.

11:08 PM. Watching the national news with the staff. That Phillips guy with Environment Canada seems to be calling this winter storm in our area an “unfortunate early winter anomaly.” Yes, well, if it keeps the roads closed tomorrow so my staff can stay home and spoil me rotten, so much the better.

11:35 PM. The staff is off to bed. Hey, wait! Staff, since you’re not going to have to go to work tomorrow, we can stay up late and watch movies. How about The Ghost And The Darkness? You know, big cats scaring a bunch of people. Good movie, even if the cats lose. Staff?

No use. She’s off to bed. Oh well. Plenty of time tomorrow when she’s snowed in.


  1. Snow and sleep. Kitty has his priorities straight.

  2. You had me laughing out loud, William! Love all of these, but the first one really tickled me! We are having a meeting of crows and other birds in the trees in our backyard this morning - hundreds of them. My cat is going crazy. Meowing and whining! Sheesh! But she won't go out on the lanai even though it's screened! I think my cat is part chicken!

  3. Cats do need to be pampered! Love the nerd cat and the accountant cat!

  4. The "winter, not my season" cat is most definitely my spirit animal. I also love the one with "I've got important cat shit to do"--that is how I feel pretty much any time it snows!

  5. @Lynn: good priorities too!

    @Lowell: the cat knows she's outnumbered!

    @Cheryl: they deserve to be pampered.

    @Meradeth: hah!

    @Kelly: I knew that one would get some attention.

  6. The first, at the top, Grumpy Cat, was tops today.

  7. I can't decide which one is funniest...but the six pack is definitely the cutest!

  8. Ah, so that's where all the snow went.
    Enjoy it, William.
    Loved the kitty fun!

  9. Cats... I went to bed early. Hubby was watching curling. The men turned around to look at the camera, (really the coach), and Daisy was looking back at them1 So fun!

  10. I love, love, love, the spin me one. The best.


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