Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, March 30, 2015

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links to see to before we get underway today. Cheryl had some living history photographs from her area. Lorelei is working on a new project. And the Whisk had a fun fact.

And so we come to our regular appearance by the divine feline. Show the cat the proper respect owed to such a superior life form.

7:25 AM. Awake at home. The staff has already gotten out of bed. I can hear the shower running. How did she get up without me knowing?

7:38 AM. Downstairs. Waiting impatiently for the staff. I would have to remind my staff that I have not been fed since last night, and am feeling quite hungry. Where is she? How long does it take for anyone to shower? If she cleaned herself up the way cats clean up, this would be much easier.

7:43 AM. It’s about time, staff! Now then, I would say breakfast is in order, wouldn’t you?

7:49 AM. Once again, the staff disappoints me with a bowl full of field rations. Staff, would it kill you to serve lightly chilled tuna with a side of milk for breakfast?

7:50 AM. I walk away from the bowl of field rations, demanding to be let out. Perhaps I can get lucky and catch one of those flying lunches.

7:52 AM. Out on back terrace. More snow fell last night. When is this winter going to end? At least the sun feels warmer.

8:17 AM. I can hear the distant barking of that annoying mutt from down the road. What purpose do dogs actually serve in this world? Is it a mystery doomed to never be solved?

9:03 AM. My basking in a sun puddle is interrupted by a sudden bark from the edge of the property. Oh, wonderful, it’s that infernal mutt. 

9:04 AM. Hissing and expressing my deep displeasure at the presence of the foul hound. Get out of here, dog! What part of I don’t like you do you not understand?

9:05 AM. I issue a harsh ultimatum at the annoying mutt. Not that the dog will pay much attention. Dogs, as a rule, are too dimwitted to take a hint.

9:06 AM. The dog withdraws from the property line, looking confused. That is, of course, his default facial expression.

9:12 AM. The staff lets me back in the house. Staff, what can be done to make dogs stay at home?

9:41 AM. Staff is finishing rinsing the morning dishes. I hop up on the counter and test the water from the faucet. Nice and cold.  Just the way I like it. Staff, do not turn off this tap until I am done drinking from the water stream.

9:42 AM. The staff turns off the water before I was done. Staff! Turn that back on!

9:44 AM. Dismayed by my inability to turn the tap on. Oh well, I’ll take a nap.

12:35 PM. Waking up from my nap. Hey, did I sleep through lunch?

1:43 PM. Looking at the calendar. That Easter thing is coming up soon. I really don’t get that custom. Church services on the one hand, and chocolate rabbits and eggs on the other. What is the point to all that?

3:58 PM. The staff is having tea. She has thoughtfully given me a bowl of milk. This compensates for that atrocious breakfast.

6:32 PM. The staff is busy preparing dinner. I am busy supervising. On the good side, she’s making some lamb chops. On the inexplicable side, she’s also making cabbage rolls and salad. I don’t understand why human beings eat that.

6:51 PM. Having a plate of lamb with a side of milk. Now this is much better. And yes, for some odd reason the staff actually is eating those cabbage rolls and salad with her meat. There are times I don’t get the way my staff thinks.

7:26 PM. Supervising the staff while she does dishes. Humans do require very close supervision, after all.

7:35 PM. Staff finished up. Very well, staff, to the living room, and sit down. I have some time booked on your lap, regardless of any other plans you may have made.

8:35 PM. Waking up from nap in living room. The staff is reading. It’s that To Catch A Mockingbird book, which, of course, is false advertising. Oh, well, at least she’s not reading something like that 50 Shades Of Grey book. Too bad someone didn’t retitle that one 50 Shades Of Christian Grey Spayed. 

9:28 PM. Running around upstairs for no reason, turning over some scatter rugs. All in the cause of making my staff think I've lost my mind.

11:17 PM. Watching the national news with the staff. There’s a story about the annual implosion of the Toronto Maple Leafs season. Yes, well, if their fans grew a brain and stopped rooting for them, maybe that would change, but it’s not likely, is it?

11:45 PM. The staff is off to bed. Very well, staff, you have my leave. But I expect you to keep the door open. I want to be able to come and go as I please, and that includes walking all over you at three forty in the morning.


  1. Grumpy cat's wisdom never disappoints.

  2. Hahahahah! There are so many more cat photos that make great memes. Love them. :)

  3. Love the one about considering other viewpoints!

    My cat isn't grumpy but she does have definite preferences in regards to her food. And kibbles isn't on the list!

  4. Flamingos--definitely the other white meat, hah! :)

  5. @Lynn: it never does!

    @Jane and Chris: thanks!

    @Diane: I don't expect to run out!

    @Cheryl: kibbles are awful! All kitties know this.

    @Meradeth: isn't that one cute?

  6. The National Geographic and my Bologna has a first name have me cracking up over here.

  7. great story kitty... and I love the My bologne has a first name and the Racoon.
    Poor Maple Leaves.

    cheers, parsnip

  8. You simply cannot go wrong with Grumpy Cat!

  9. I love the start small one. So great.

  10. The closet is staring at the color coded kitty organizer. Pleas pass me the catnip.


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