Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, March 9, 2015

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links before getting started today. Parsnip had her usual Square Dog Friday before the weekend. Krisztina had thoughts on International Women's Day. Lorelei had a book review and a new book cover release announcement. And the Whisk is looking forward to spring (what's that word mean? We're still in winter).

Now then, it is time for the cat to strut her stuff and show that dog who's boss....

7:26 AM. Waking up suddenly. Had pleasant dreams of finding a huge stash of catnip. Dashed into quickly fading oblivion by whatever it is that woke me up.

7:33 AM. Ah, good morning, staff. Do you have any idea why it is I suddenly woke up? Did you make some noise that shook the house? Was it snow falling off the roof? Was that annoying dog from down the road already barking?

7:42 AM. The staff places a bowl of field rations down for me. I sigh in utter dismay. Staff, how many times do we have to go over this?

8:02 AM. I demand to be let out. The staff obliges me.

8:07 AM. Commencing my rounds. The snow's well packed enough by now that I don't have to worry about sinking in.

8:16 AM. Walking through woods. I can hear the sound of that annoying mutt barking somewhere up ahead. Sounds like he's annoyed at something or another. Maybe he finally realized that two plus two does not equal Milkbone.

8:23 AM. Continuing on my path. Barking continues. Getting closer to that irritating hound. He does sound quite put out.

8:30 AM. Emerging into clearing. I spot the annoying mutt circling around a tree, barking his head off. There's a squirrel up that tree. Unless I'm mistaken, and I rarely am, that's that devious little bastard who occasionally turns up in my yard.

8:31 AM. The annoying mutt has finally noticed me. He suggests we work together to rid ourselves of a common enemy. I remain suspicious of trusting any dog.

8:32 AM. The dog continues to press his case for an alliance while that squirrel chatters away above us. Oh, sure, a dog can be trusted? Please. Do I look that naive, o hound from hell?

8:33 AM. I insist to the annoying mutt that I do despise squirrels, but I will never be seen working in tandem with a dog. You can just climb up there and get it yourself if you're so eager.

The dog points out that he can't climb trees.

8:35 AM. I take my leave of the clearing, admonishing the dog not to follow me or to sniff at my hindquarters in that annoying way that annoying dogs always do. True to form, he looks perpetually confused.

8:37 AM. On my way home. I can still hear that annoying mutt barking back there.

8:51 AM. Back inside. Staff, tell me, what is it about dogs that appeal to certain people? Because I literally do not understand it.

9:05 AM. After much reluctance, I eat some of the field rations.

9:12 AM. Settling down by the fireplace for a nap. It has already been a busy morning.

12:25 PM. Waking up from the nap. Just in time for lunch, too.

12:31 PM. Staring at the staff while she's making sandwiches. She sighs, gets up, retrieves a plate, and puts some gouda and lunch meat on the plate. Then she puts it on the floor.

Very good, staff, this compensates for breakfast.

3:45 PM. Waking up from another nap. Where did my sun puddle go? It was so nice to bask in.

6:35 PM. Having dinner with the staff. She's given me milk and a bowl of lamb chunks. Commendable, staff, quite commendable. Now could you do this for breakfast?

7:02 PM. Supervising the staff while she washes dishes. Staff, if you cut yourself with a knife, do we call 911 before I attempt to staunch the blood flow, or after? And why did that subject suddenly come to mind?

7:36 PM. The staff is in the living room reading. I am staring out the window into the darkness. Thinking of what might have been if I had actually sided with that annoying mutt

Had I been seen by another cat, I would have never heard the end of it.

8:03 PM. I launch into an all out assault on the scratching post. For some reason the staff keeps her cashmere coats behind closed doors where I can't get at them, so I'm obliged to scratch this thing instead. 

The staff looks at me as if she's wondering if I've lost my mind.

8:15 PM. Finished with the scratching post. Feeling a bit like a nap. Fortunately napping is one of my best skills.

11:03 PM. Woken from nap by the staff, who has the television on the national news. Apparently someone dressed like Darth Vader crashed his airplane in the courtyard outside Buckingham Palace. Those redcoat ceremonial guards in the strange hats beat the crap out of him.

I guess they don't make Sith Lords like they used to.

11:35 PM. The staff turns off the television and says she's turning in. 

Good night, staff. Don't close the door. I might be up in awhile.

And I expect to be able to walk all over you before I figure out how I want to lie down to sleep.


  1. Do you think the squirrel may be getting a complex?
    Jane x

  2. These are hilarious! :D

    My daughter just bought a miniature pig and I picked it up yesterday. Wonder what kind of memes we can create with those buggers. :)

  3. My cat is pure evil. I swear she plots my demise on a daily basis.

  4. @Jane and Chris: the devious little rascal deserves one!

    @Diane: that's a good idea!

    @Lynn: he certainly was.

    @Shelly: naps are always a good idea.

    @Kelly: hah!

  5. It's funny when pets do something wrong and they look at you like they don't know why you're mad.

  6. Perfect
    Love the Meanwhile In Canada photo !
    Is that possible your door ?

    cheers, parsnip

  7. Once again, Grumpy Cat rules the feline universe!

  8. This is! Oh, if only to catch the squirrel!

  9. Oh, Grumpy cat and his wisdom and wise cracks! (:

  10. Aw, that kitty who likes old time rock 'n' roll!


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