Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, July 6, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

8:05 AM. Waking up. Sunny outside. Chances of getting poured on while out for my run? Not likely. Not that getting drenched by rain is a bad thing.

Is the human awake? I'm feeling hungry. And ready for a good long run through the fields.

8:15 AM. The human comes downstairs. Hello, human! Top of the morning to you! How about a bit of breakfast? That would be just swell of you.

8:18 AM. The human pours me a whole bowlful of kibbles. As I start wolfing it down, always trying to beat my personal record of 28.0345 seconds, I find myself musing on just how lucky I am to have this human as my human. Even if she occasionally wields the Towel of Torment.

8:20 AM. Out the door for my morning run. Bye, human! See you when I get back!

8:35 AM. Stopping in at the home of Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Spike is outside. We greet each other with the traditional sniffing of hindquarters and then confer on Operation Summer Squirrel Chase. The enemy has not yet been sighted today. We must assume they are busy gathering nuts. And being nuts. Squirrels are like that.

8:45 AM. I part ways with Spike, promising to send word by barking if I happen to see any trace of the enemy. The squirrels must pay for their constant disrespect.

9:10 AM. Continuing my morning explorations. Hey, is that the cranky cat from down the road?

It is!

Good morning, kitty, and how are you on this fine day?

9:11 AM. OWWW! That cat swatted me across the snout.

Now she's walking away in a snit.

I will never understand cats.

9:55 AM. Back home. Human lets me inside. Human, would you mind explaining the riddle wrapped inside an enigma that is the feline mind?

12:05 PM. Waking up from a nap. Feeling quite rested. I might be mistaken, but it feels like it ought to be lunch time.

12:15 PM. Making mooching sad eyes before the human succeeds wildly. She gives me a cheese sandwich. It's gouda! I love gouda! Yum yum yum...

12:25 PM. Noon news still on. Not one word about the pestilence that is the squirrel plague. One wonders why the humans can't see it for the pressing problem that it is?

3:35 PM. Human having tea. Using my patented mooching sad eyes. She gives me a scone.

Yum yum yum....

6:10 PM. Human making dinner. Smells good. I think it's pancakes. I like pancakes. I wonder if I can con her with a third mooching sad eyes look for the day.

6:35 PM. The human gives me a plate with a couple of pancakes. Oh, human! You really are too good to me!

Yum yum yum!!!

7:25 PM. The human is settling in the living room after cleaning up the kitchen post-dinner. I jump up on the couch with her and settle beside her. For some reason she's doing a bit of Sudoku. I really don't understand that game...

8:05 PM. Human watching Superman movie. Since a new movie's now in the theatres, they're running the last movie from the franchise. Unfortunately this is the one featuring that dull witted kid.

8:20 PM. Oh, nice job, director. Having him save the falling airplane this early in the movie? You do realize that was the best visual sequence of the movie, and you used it up early?

8:35 PM. Question. Does Superman ever have to worry about bird strikes when he's flying? And why does he wear his underwear on the outside?

9:10 PM. Why did they have to cast this kid as Lois Lane's kid? He comes across rather dimwitted. Granted, the actress playing Lois seems like she's sleepwalking...

9:30 PM. You know, they really ought to feature Krypto, the Super-dog in the next film. I'm just putting it out there.

9:40 PM. Oh, wonderful. Kevin Spacey is ranting like a loon.

10:40 PM. Yes, yes, yes, Superman gets to ruin Lex Luthor's day and save the world, that's nice and all that, but it doesn't excuse the fact that this film ends up making the big blue cheese look like a deadbeat dad.

11:35 PM. Human off to bed. Good night, human.

No, I'll stay down here. I'll see if I can get in touch with that Nolan guy. Try to talk him into having Krypto in the next Superman film. Granted, that might be a challenge, what with the fact that I can't actually speak English...


  1. I love Shar-Peis!

    Those two little black dogs remind me of two of my other favorite black dogs!

    I have to agree with the dog's opinion of the Superman movie. I think Krypto should be in the next movie--he was my favorite part of the comic books!

  2. Welcome back! Fun read. The one reminded me of our little collie. She'd look at me like it was my fault there was snow on the ground. Her look plainly said, "You really don't believe that I'll step in that."

  3. I miss my Scottie Puppies ! le sigh Thanks for the sweet memories today. So much mischief.
    You find the best photos. and I agree Superman needs Krypto.

    cheers, parsnip

  4. Love the last caption!

    Hugs and chocolate,


  5. You always have the cutest pix!

    And I'll keep your comments in mind if I ever watch that Superman movie.

  6. @Norma: I'll have to find out if Krypto survived the latest reboot...

    @Mari: I've had cats who'd be thinking that.

    @Parsnip: yes he does!

    @Shelly: thank you!

    @Cheryl: I'll have to have the kitty in the next blog watching the same movie....

  7. That dog in the swing is adorable!

  8. Totally think the last Superman movie was a waste of space...the new one was much better. Love the pics--especially the donkey one :)

  9. I love all the photos especially the Scotties who remind me of my late dog MacTavish!

  10. Yes thank heavens the new superman's realised that underpants - no matter how clean and colourful - must be worn inside the outfit! It's just hygienic and polite.:-)

    Take care

  11. Honestly you do find the best pics, loooove the 'scary bit' and I must remember ...not wrinkles, personality haha!

  12. Good dogs. No need to interfere, cats can swim.

  13. I love the Christmas sweater one and the last one the best. These cartoons, and your prose always make me laugh.

    I should do a cartoon about my skitzo little dog. I had to take him to the vet last week. The vet thinks he has stress colitis. Too much thunder and fireworks I guess. His little body just quivers.

    I think he may actually get some doggie prozac that my husband keeps suggesting he needs. . .

  14. I don't know why, but the follow-up comments button wasn't available when I posted. Sorry.

  15. Corgis! lol

    I will never grow bored from watching Corgis. :)

  16. Loved the post! Haha, made my morning by that one, 'I don't listen to gossip...'

    Thanks for all the cute photos, William!

  17. @Kelly: Isn't it just a sweetie?

    @Meradeth: come on back for the kitty's point of view on Superman...

    @Deb: Scotties are adorable.

    @Old Kitty: I have no idea why it took DC all that time to finally come around to that way of thinking...

    @Grace: thank you!

    @Lynn: at least that's what the puppies are telling themselves...

    @Christine: it happens sometimes.

    @Diane: there'll be more corgis down the line...

    @Nas: you're most welcome!

  18. It looks like it totally missed my comment too. If it had been profound I would have repeated it here, but it wasn't.

  19. I love this!!!!

    The sad eyes...
    the pancakes
    the crazy cat swatting.....

  20. Can I be the one running in the snow? He seems to be having such a lot of fun!

  21. My dog tries the whole sad eyes on me. It doesn't work- most of the time ;)

  22. My comments to several post naver made it. unless I am in the spam or deleated file...
    I am sure my comment was fabulous and had to do with the two little Scotty puppies photos. Oh I so miss thoese day, Scottie puppies are very naughty !

    cheers, parsnip

  23. @Christine: yes, the message got lost along the way. Sounds like Arthur could use a checkup at the V-E-T.

    @Hilary: thank you!

    @Angelika: isn't he just adorable?

    @Auden: practice will make perfect for puppy!

    @Parsnip: Scotties are too cute, after all...


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.