Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, June 10, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

7:10 AM. Awakened before I would prefer. Alarm clock going off. The staff is stirring.

Why did I come up here last night again? I would have been much more comfortable somewhere that didn't include alarm clocks.

7:25 AM. The staff is going about her morning routine. I'll never get back to sleep now. I might as well go downstairs and await breakfast. Which I expect should consist of something better than field rations.

7:30 AM. A look outside. It's pouring out there. A real tempest. Looks like an all day kind of rain too.

I detest rain.

A good day to stay in and do nothing at all...

7:40 AM. Oh, hello, staff. Have you had a look outside? It's the sort of day you expect Noah's Ark to drift pass. I see you're dressed for that place you call "work." Does that mean I'm all by my lonesome all day? You really need to figure out a way to work from home.

Now, I want some breakfast. See to it.

7:45 AM. The staff has given me field rations. Again!

I must fix a disapproving glare at her. It's the least of what she deserves.

7:50 AM. After much reluctance, I eat a bit of the kibbles, and leave the kitchen with an air of disdain.

8:05 AM. Staff heading out front door. Bring back something tasty for me, staff. And you might want to take an umbrella. Or a boat.

8:50 AM. Hearing distant barking through the rain. Sounds like that annoying mutt down the road. Oh, sure, it would figure that he'd be out in the rain. He's an idiot, after all.

9:10 AM. Feeling sleepy. Might take a nap.

11:25 AM. Waking up. Nice long nap. Made up for how rudely my slumber was interrupted by that alarm clock this morning. Feeling peckish.

11:26 AM. Oh, right. All that's in my bowl are field rations.

Reluctantly eating a few more.

12:10 PM. Sitting watching the news. The weather forecasts call for yet more rain, followed by rain, thunderstorms, and more rain. Chance of hail. Oh, lovely. Well, at least I'm not out in it.

12:35 PM. Feeling like scratching awhile at the scratching post.

12:36 PM. My scratches have unleashed residual scents of catnip in the scratching post. I am therefore obliged to go absolutely crazy for at least twenty minutes. I can't help it... catnip does this to all of us...

1:15 PM. Ah, coming down from catnip insanity time. Thoroughly worn out. Will take nap.

3:10 PM. Waking up. It's still raining out there? And lightning too?

3:15 PM. Sitting on front windowsill, staring out at the rain. Spotting movement in front yard. It's that infested rodent, the squirrel. He sees me. He's coming up onto the outside windowsill, right across the glass from me...

I must pace back and forth, growling in fury. It's to be expected.

3:17 PM. The squirrel is laughing at me, teasing me about the fact that I can't get out.

Yes, well, think of this, you insufferable little twit. You see, I'm inside, where it's nice and warm. On the other hand, you're out there, getting drenched by rain. Therefore, to borrow an appropriate phrase...

Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!!!

3:20 PM. The squirrel goes away, looking decidedly annoyed. And soaked to the bone.

4:35 PM. I could be wrong, but the rain might be letting up. Here I was expecting to see ground hogs building their own arks.

5:25 PM. Where is that staff of mine? I'm bored out of my mind, and expecting something that will make up for this morning's field rations.

If she's not back by six, I'm shredding a cashmere sweater.

5:55 PM. The staff walks in through the front door, looking decidedly the worst for wear. It's about time, staff. I was just thinking of which sweater I wanted to shred. I have no idea why you went out in that... it's the kind of weather you can catch your death of cold from. And I doubt I want to be playing nursemaid while you're in bed for a week with a fever.

6:25 PM. The staff is back downstairs, getting dinner ready. I spend time rubbing my head against her legs and purring while she's at the counter. It's a good way to get what I want.

6:35 PM. Staff sets down a bowl of milk, followed by a plate of meat strips. Is this... it is! It's sirloin steak!

Staff, I completely take back any impulse I might have felt about shredding sweaters.

6:45 PM. Finished eating dinner. Purring with contentment. Unlike a dog, I am entirely capable of taking my time eating. The steak tastes delicious. Not sure why the staff feels the need to add steak sauce to hers, but to each their own.

7:35 PM. Staff finished with dinner. We sit down to watch a movie. For some reason, she picks The Day After Tomorrow. Staff, did you not see enough rain today? Oh well... to each their own. And besides, when Dennis Quaid smiles, he reminds me of a cat, so he's acceptable.

10:55 PM. Staff getting ready to head upstairs for the night. I'll stay down here for the night. Tomorrow's another work day for you, and I don't like that alarm clock one bit. Any device that interrupts a perfectly good dream about chasing mice is an infernal device indeed.


  1. The Le Miserable cat is hysterical! But I think the puny human one nailed it, I'm sure all kitties think that way of us (mere) people:)

  2. These were fun. I love the first one the best and then the deluxe cat bed/box. It's funny, because it's true.

  3. I'm with Lulu--I also love Puny Human, along with anything Grumpy Cat!

  4. At least when it's raining we get a fire lit! One look from us and they are putty in our hands...field rations? Pfffffa!
    The REAL Maple Syrup Mob

  5. I like your cat. He's very intelligent. His staff, on the other hand.....

  6. The first photo is the best !
    As always very clever.

    cheers, parsnip

  7. You won me at the first picture William! Seriously every time I read one of your 'day in the life of's' I get the urge to go out and find a cat that needs a home..anyday now :)

  8. Great pictures! What will the world do if something happens to Grumpy Cat? They better start cloning him now!

  9. You obviously understand cats so well! I had to guffaw at the Mario cat! He did look like a little pizza driver, didn't he?

  10. Are those deer real? That opening shot is amazing.

  11. Now this is te very first blog entry that Made me smile today
    Thanks for that

  12. @LondonLulu: we are puny humans!

    @Happy Whisk: thank you.

    @Norma: Grumpy Cat is irresistable.

    @The Real Maple Syrup Mob: yes, but do you get steak in recompense?

    @Cheryl: the staff needs some lessons in understanding kitties.

    @Parsnip: Thanks!

  13. @Lynn: I'm sure Basement Cat would like that... or maybe not.

    @Grace: choosing to have a cat become your master or mistress is a very monumental decision.

    @Deb: Grumpy Cat is much in demand!

    @Cheryl: yes, he does.

    @Angelika: I've seen cats that had my parents for staff interacting with deer...

    @John: you're welcome!

  14. lol, I think I'd like to be a cat :) Though, I'd probably end up like Grumpy Cat...okay, maybe not! Loved the Superman kitty one--cracked me up!

  15. As hilarious as always! Thanks for the laugh, William.

  16. The last pic is great.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  17. Those kittens are too cute. I wonder how Arthur would like a feline sibling. Based on his reaction to the neighborhood cats who sometimes venture through the yard, probably not well.

    That first photo of the deer on the deck make me wonder if we will get any of Mark's tomatoes (in posts on the deck) this year or not.

    On the other hand, I'm dying to get a photo of a deer on our deck. I wonder how he or she bribed them up there.

  18. That should be pots on the deck not posts. Got blogging on my mind.

  19. Rainy days are good excuses to stay inside and do nothing, except maybe take a long cat nap;). And steak for dinner would be nice too!

  20. @Meradeth: I'd be honoured to be a cat!

    @Kelly: isn't it cute?

    @Talli: thank you!

    @Shelly: thanks!

    @Christine: the place where my parents used to live, a moose once came up the access ramp.

    @Maria: steak cooked in a good wine sauce!


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