You Call That A Foreign Secretary?

Cameron Makes Unexpected Change In Cabinet After Resignation of William Hague

London (Reuters) The political scene in the United Kingdom was shaken up this weekend by the resignation of First Secretary of State, the Right Honourable William Hague. The Oxford graduate who has represented Richmond (Yorks) since first being elected in a byelection in 1989 has cited health concerns as the reason for stepping down from his cabinet post and his seat in Parliament.

Prime Minister Cameron praised the outgoing Foreign Secretary for his tireless work on behalf of Her Majesty and the people of the United Kingdom, in remarks after the resignation, and promised that the new Foreign Secretary would be named shortly. The last few months have been difficult for Cameron’s government, with unrest over austerity measures, tensions with Argentina, and the ongoing crisis in Syria occupying the government. In addition, there has been much displeasure and malaise throughout Great Britain over the depressing new novel by J.K. Rowling. Speculation began over the ideal candidate to be elevated from within cabinet to the prestigious post. Baroness Warsi, the Senior Minister of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs, might have seemed to be an ideal choice, given her experience in the post, though she herself has had a number of diplomatic slipups throughout her career in politics.

Journalists gathered at Ten Downing yesterday morning to hear the Prime Minister’s statement on the matter. Cameron emerged from the front door to a waiting crowd and a podium, and began. “I would like to thank the members of the cabinet for their keen interest in the post of Foreign Secretary and their continued support,” he declared. “I have decided, however, that the Foreign Secretary must be someone new, someone outside of the government, and I have made that choice.”

Cameron took a moment to look at the crowd. “My choice is a sterling example of public service and critical negotiating skills, a brilliant and stabilizing force for good. In fact, he has been as of late negotiating with J.K. Rowling to have her write something that’s not as bleak and depressing as The Casual Vacancy was. I mean, seriously, have you read that novel? It makes Angela’s Ashes look entirely joyful by comparison.”

Cameron was reminded by an aide that he was getting off track. “Ah, yes. The new Foreign Secretary will be running in a byelection in Richmond as quickly as we can arrange it, and I am confident that the people in that constituency will vote for him in record numbers. He has a long record of diplomacy in crisis situations, a bright mind of science, an eloquent voice, grace under pressure, and a calm and steadying demeanour. These are the very qualities we need these days in a Foreign Secretary particularly with the challenges we face as a nation in the world. Without further ado, I’ll have him come out and introduce himself to you.”

The door opened, and the new Foreign Secretary stepped out. There was a collective gasp from the reporters, all of whom recognized him. He was shorter than one might have expected in a politician, perhaps three feet tall. He had wild, dishevelled red hair, bulging eyes that seemed to be nervously looking about, and a drawbridge mouth. And instead of flesh and blood, he was made up mostly of felt. This was indeed a very familiar Muppet who took to the podium, speaking in a high pitched, anxious voice.

Beaker proclaimed, “Meep! Meep mee mee mee meep!”