Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:45 AM. Waking up from long night of sleep. Dreams of chasing squirrels figured prominently.

8:05 AM. Human comes downstairs. Ah, hello, human. Such a delight to see you out and about this morning.

Now, how about breakfast?

8:10 AM. Kibbles!!!! Yummy yummy yummy!

8:11 AM. After setting a personal record of devouring a bowlful of kibbles, it's time to get out and stretch my legs. The human opens the back door. Out I go!!!

8:35 AM. Chasing squirrel through snow in back field. Barking my head off. Squirrel escapes up tree.

Note to self: figure out a way to get up a tree. If cats can do it, how hard can it be?

10:05 AM. Have finally returned home after mad dashing through the snow all over the farm. Human lets me into the house. Shakes her head and sighs at how much snow is in my fur.

10:10 AM. Human finished drying me off with the Towel of Torment. You know, I can dry myself off just perfectly fine. All it takes is twenty minutes lying by the fireplace. And don't give me that wet dog excuse. We don't smell that bad when we're soaked.

Unless we've been rolling in something dead.

10:30 AM. Human having tea. Manage to mooch two cookies from her. Yummy!

11:05 AM. Human watching television. It's the news. Oh, that's boring. How about some documentary on dogs?

11:10 AM. Lots of people on screen. Stage set up in front of Capitol Building. Lots of flags. Anchor mentions something about Presidential Inauguration. Human, why are you watching this? We're Canadians. At least I think we are. We've got that nice big maple leaf flag out on the front. Well, not right now, of course. Not good having a flag flying all winter. It destroys the flag and all.

But human, tell me, why watch this?

11:20 AM. Human in kitchen. Try clicking on channels on remote. No good. The next channel is running pretty much the same thing.

Which channel is Discovery again? Maybe they're running a Dog Week special.

11:25 AM. Human returns. Using the sad eyes look to plead with her to change the channel.

Human slightly puzzled as to why the television channel was switched. Must look entirely oblivious. Can't let her know I changed it.

11:35 AM. Talking heads chattering away about inauguration. Lots of familiar faces. Don't like that one. Frowns too much. Can never trust someone who always frowns.

11:40 AM. Why is that former Vice President who once shot a lawyer invited to this? I thought he hates the President.

11:55 AM. Slightly crazy looking older man puts hand on black book and raises other hand while reciting oath. Oh, right, that's the Vice President. In a wolf pack, he'd be the beta male.

Where's the First Dog?

11:59 AM. President taking the oath. Angry looking former Vice President who once shot lawyer is in background on screen, rolling his eyes. First Lady beside President. She's a nice lady. I'd like her to rub my tummy.

Hello? Does the First Dog get to take an oath?

12:10 PM. Still no sign of the First Dog. Come on, surely we could have him turn up, put his paw on a copy of a Marmaduke hardcover, and bark the oath.

12:30 PM. Talking heads still chattering away on screen. Human making lunch. Human, how about something to eat for me?

12:35 PM. Have managed to swipe a dinner roll off the table when the human wasn't looking.

2:15 PM. Parade down a street. Will someone explain to me why humans put on parades?

I think I'll take a nap.

6:05 PM. Waking up from nap. Feel quite rested. News on. More talking heads, chattering away about today's events.

Apparently someone named Russell Brand set off an international incident by shoving the ambassador from Belgium into something called the Potomac. With a Boston cream pie.

6:35 PM. Dinner! Human feeds me more kibbles and canned meat. Yummy!

8:55 PM. Television news just won't stop!

President and First Lady at one of these inaugural balls. Very confusing.

Still no sign of the First Dog.

9:25 PM. Belgian leader appears on television, demanding the immediate surrender of Russell Brand. Vows to withhold Belgian chocolates from the entire world if he doesn't get Russell Brand in custody within twenty four hours.

11:20 PM. Late news wrap up. Russell Brand being dragged in handcuffs onto a plane, protesting to the marshals that it was all just a joke.

Frankly, the man looks like something of an idiot. He looks like something a cat would cough up.

Human turning off lights for bed. Taking up station by fireplace for the night.

Still wondering why the First Dog didn't get to take the oath...


  1. I love bulldogs!

    Feeling bad for the poor little kitty in jail. He needs a lawyer. Are there any skunks around?

    As for Ralphie, I can see why he had some problems getting into Playgirl. I had to look closely to verify he was indeed a he!

  2. Loved it and the little guy doing the signing. That's better than oath barking.

  3. The new kitten can stay one is so adorable! I can't stop looking at it.

  4. Oh, those sad eyes would work on me anytime! The second blanket-wrapped photo just gets me, that cutie! But I'm with the dogs on this one, why can't the First Dog take an oath, hey?:)

  5. I agree with Kelly, the "new kitten can stay" is just too cute. :)

  6. I love "The Other Coast" !
    I buy a can of that whipped cream for The Square Ones.... they love the stuff only I put it in their dishes !

    woofs from The Square Ones
    cheers, parsnip

  7. LOL. That bulldog pic is a riot. I imagine human life would seem a lot like you state here for dogs. Talking heads and all!

  8. I've never seen a cute Doberman before or a kitty in jail with the dog being the arresting officer.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  9. The idea of the first dog taking an oath is awesome. Loved the dog in the bunny ears. So funny!

  10. Poor Ralphie. I laughed outright! Can I contribute to a legal fund to help that little kitten?

  11. @Norma: we'll have to look around for a skunk lawyer...

    @Mari: the First Dog oath would involve the chasing of squirrels and the barking at the press.

    @Kelly: it is adorable!

    @Parsnip: directly from the container is a no no!

    @PK: I'm rather fond of bulldogs.

    @Shelly: usually it's the dog that belongs in jail!

    @Auden: thank you!

    @Kittie: funds are NOT being raised by a Nigerian general, so if you happen to get an email...

  12. Wiener Dog Lake is the best thing to happen to ballet ever!

  13. We're not terribly impressed with Mr. Brand. Make sure he stays locked up in Belgium.

  14. Thanks for the follow of North of Wiarton ... love ME some doggies.

  15. I love the ballet. I can't wait to see Wiener Dog Lake.

  16. No less than three pictures of cute dobermans!!! They get such a bad rap, and are really the best of dogs, as long as you're not a mailman. Colt is happy to see the pizza delivery guy any day of the week.

  17. @Lynn: that would be ballet worth seeing!

    @Scarlett and James: I'll try!

    @Cindy: nice to start following you!

    @Deb: imagine the reviews!

    @Karla: well, pizza guy is more than welcome!


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