Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

8:10 AM. Very strange. Have slept late this morning. Feeling famished. Where is human?

8:15 AM. Human comes downstairs. Ah, there you are. Time for breakfast? It's been over nine hours since I had a treat, and I really am ever so hungry.

8:25 AM. Human sets down bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum!!!

Of course I must consume all of it inside of a minute...

8:32 AM. Human staring out front window. Have a look for myself what seems so interesting.

Oh my. That's a lot of snow. I can't see the angel statue out on the deck.

Or the gargoyle statue. I like the gargoyle better. We understand each other.

9:05 AM. Human opens door to step outside. Dash out into the snow. Sink into it up to my hips. Fortunately I'm a big dog. A poodle would be lost right now...

9:45 AM Watching human shovelling off deck. Would love to help, but my paws don't do much with that whole holding objects thing. Will have to ask Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels, why we dogs have such problems holding things.

10:20 AM. Human finished making a path to the barn. Watching her start up the snowplow. Now she'll get things done.

Human, this might have gone better if you'd hired someone to plow the driveway. On the other hand, at least you don't have to shovel all the way down to the road. If you did, you'd be out here all winter.

10:35 AM. Barking my head off, chasing the snowplow as human plows out the driveway.

Note to self: keep your distance, dummy.

10:40 AM. It's so much easier running on packed graded snow than through three feet of fresh powder. It'd be nice if the human made a trail over to a convenient tree for me to... take care of some business, but that would probably tear up the lawn. Oh well.

10:50 AM. Human seems to be completely finished with the driveway. Just in time for the county plow to drive right past on the road and send a whole lot of snow right back into the front of the driveway. Human yelling some very bad words at the driver.

I don't think my human was a sailor, but where on earth did she pick up those words?

11:25 AM. Human heading back inside after finishing up. Will see if I can mooch a cookie or two. Depending on how mad she is at that snowplow driver.

11:35 AM. Human giving a piece of her mind to someone at county headquarters over the phone.

11:45 AM. Put head on human's lap. I think she needs it.

12:10 PM. Human starts making lunch. Much better mood now than she was when she used all those colourful words earlier.

Having a doggie put his head on the lap will work wonders, after all...

12:20 PM. Human gives me cookies. Oh boy!

2:15 PM. Waking up from nap. Human not in living room. Feel like someone's staring at me.

2:16 PM. Have spotted intruder. That annoying squirrel is sitting on the front windowsill, staring at me from outside, running his paws along his chin, chattering away.

I hate squirrels. Even more annoying than cats.

2:17 PM. Pacing back and forth, glaring at that squirrel. The little bastard's taunting me. Again.

2:25 PM. Human comes downstairs. Rush to door to be let out. Human lets me go.

2:26 PM. Into battle! Barking my head off, rushing through snow around to front... and getting stuck in a snowdrift.

2:27 PM. Spotting squirrel dashing over top of snow and racing up a tree. The squirrel stares at me and chatters away yet again. Stupid squirrel. Just you wait until I figure out how to climb a tree...

4:55 PM. Wondering if I can hire a hit-crow to take out that squirrel. This isn't the sort of thing I can trust to a cat. Cats aren't to be trusted, after all...

6:25 PM. Human having dinner. Smells really good. I think it's steak. I've already had my dinner, but that was a whole fifteen minutes ago. Using my patented sad eyes look to mooch. Human sighs, gets a small plate, and forks a couple of strips onto it. Human sets the plate on the floor.

Oh boy! Steak! My favourite!

Yum yum yum!!!

10:55 PM. Staring outside. Human, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but it's snowing again. Really, really heavily.


Hmmm, the human is heading up to bed.

Guess she's going to have to plow out the driveway in the morning again...

I wonder if I could drive that thing. It would sure make chasing that squirrel a whole lot of fun....


    Best starting of your post ever !

    I had my little Black Scottie Kirby when Barney was in the White House and daughter now has a Dachshund.
    Great way to start the New Year.
    Thanks so much,

    cheers, parsnip and The Square Ones.

  2. President Obama sure looks different. Has anyone told Michelle?

    We once had a miniature poodle--a white one--who loved to play in the snow--and he always got lost!

    Great blog, as always. Must go share!

  3. I can just picture a great big dog barking its head off, running after a snowplow! So perfectly doggy! And these photos.... Thanks for the happy, canine start to 2013:)

  4. Why is it dogs have a better way of getting that extra snack than the cat? Hmmm cat must take notes on this post.

    Funny pics, William!

  5. Loved the "Can Dobby have some chicken?" Dogs are such masters at getting the extra snack. We had a dog that could climb a tree.

  6. My cats laughed so hard there was an accident. I reminded them that you don't discriminate between dog antics and cat antics, but they won't listen. To them you're still 'de man!'

  7. Those naughty squirrels. Dobby reminds me of a larger Fiona. Funny post.

  8. Oh I just love that puppy asleep in the food bowl!:) So cute.

  9. Happy New Year! And my favorite is the siamese kitten in the middle of the huge dog bed. That is sooooo true.

  10. I really enjoy these dog posts, they are too funny!

  11. I don't know where you find these William, I'm just glad you do! So funny, and yes dogs are the masters of successful begging, my Beagle was the King! Excellent first post of 2013, you've set a high bar, no pressure haha!

  12. Awww, the dog holding the sleeping kitten is way cute. I wish my dogs got along with the cat!

  13. @Parsnip: dare we say President Hamish? Or President Watson?

    @Norma: some dogs love the snow, of course!

    @LondonLulu: you're welcome!

    @Lorelei: they're very good at the sad eyes look.

    @Mari: and that pup looks like Dobby!

    @Cheryl: my next one of course will be the cat's point of view...

    @Eve: squirrels are naughty indeed...

    @Krisztina: he's too cute!

    @Under Cover: well, everything does belong to the cat, so...

    @Lynn: thanks!

    @M.R.: thank you!

    @Grace: No pressure, huh?

    @Diane: it would be nice, wouldn't it?

  14. My boys want to play with the squirrels, including Glowstick. Love all the pics as usual.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  15. @Shelly: they're not all that much bigger than squirrels!

  16. I'm not ashamed to admit the "Can Dobby have some chicken" one nearly made me pee my pants. That's hysterical!


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