Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, January 5, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

8:05 AM. Have woken up. Staff still asleep. Overcast skies outside. Snow falling. Will go over to window and inspect outdoors for myself.

8:06 AM. Oh my. That is a great deal of snow.

8:10 AM. Staff finally wakes up. Wonders why she slept in. Well, for one, the power is off, staff. I only know the time from looking at your wall clock. The bedside table clock is off.

Oh, and there's snow outside. Now get up, I want breakfast.

8:25 AM. Have confirmed power seems off throughout house. Feels colder than it should. Staff will have to make inquiries with power company about getting power restored. After making my breakfast.

8:30 AM. Staff comes into kitchen, mutters something about no power for the can opener. In that case, staff, just break out a steak for thawing. I'll have that for lunch. Staff? Staff?

8:31 AM. Staff is pouring me a bowl of field rations. Oh, the humanity....

8:32 AM. Set to eating field rations. Annoyed at staff.

8:45 AM. Staff dismayed by snow outside. Unable to get into work today. That's fine, you'll just spend today catering to my every whim. You got off to a bad start by feeding me field rations, you know. Now, get the fireplace started. It's a bit cool in here for my taste.

10:15 AM. Waking up from nap in front of fireplace. Nice and toasty. Lights back on. Staff sitting in chair nearby knitting. I imagine the power company finally got around to restoring the power.

10:17 AM. Looking outside. Lots of snow. I wonder if this is going to turn into a Donner Party thing. Staff, if it comes down to it, you will have to sacrifice yourself so that I can eat.

10:25 AM. Watching staff knitting. Mesmerized by that yarn. Must chase the yarn. Must have my way with the string...

10:26 AM. Have lunged at ball of yarn, but the staff pulled it away before I could be off with it. Come now, staff! I demand the time to have my amusements!

10:45 AM. Watching staff knitting something or another. Wondering what it is.

Hey, wait a minute. That's a little sock.

Like baby sized.

Wait... the staff can't be pregnant? Can she?

I won't stand for it! I won't have a baby competing with me!

10:47 AM. The staff can't be expecting. Her last relationship was with that moronic dog person, and that ended months ago. On a side note, all dog people are moronic. So, if we agree that it's been much too long for her to have procreated with that nitwit, and I feel reasonably sure she's not copulating with anyone else, there must be a reasonable explanation.

Unless she's off fornicating with someone during those times she says she's at work...

10:50 AM. Pacing with worry and anxiety. Staff looks at me and smiles. Tells me she's going to have a new niece or nephew in a few months. Feeling a profound sense of relief, mixed with annoyance that her irritating relatives are going to have yet another rugrat around.

2:15 PM. Wake up from second nap. No sign of staff around. Looking out window.

Why is she building a snowman?

You'd think she'd build a snow cat...

2:25 PM. Staff lets me come outside onto the front porch. I can't recall the last time we've had this much snow.

Staff, if you even think of throwing a snowball at me...

2:26 PM. Hearing distant barking. I think it's that annoying mutt from the farm down the road. Sounds perpetually befuddled, and that fits this particular hound.

2:30 PM. More barking. Will you shut up already, stupid mutt?

4:45 PM. Waking up from nap. House feels nice and warm. Staff sitting nearby knitting more. Use stealth to sneak up on the basket. Snatching away a ball of string.

4:55 PM. Staff finds me happily in the midst of unwinding the string. What? If you were me, you'd be doing the exact same thing...

6:15 PM. Staff cooking dinner. I do detect the smell of steak. You'd better be setting some aside for me, staff, or we will have words...

6:30 PM. Staff sets a bowl of milk down for me, accompanied by a plate of steak, rare, just the way I like it.

Staff, for this, I'll even set aside the dismay I felt at spending all Christmas day hiding from those annoying rugrats your sister and her idiot husband brought with them.

I approve, staff. I approve.

11:25 PM. Staring out into the darkness. Oh, joy. It's snowing again.

Looks like the staff might just have to take tomorrow off from work too.

Good. Plenty of time for me to get up on her lap and block whatever it is she's actually doing.

Staff picks me up and takes me up the stairs, saying that tomorrow's another day.

Staff, I will remind you that I am the one who says when it's bed time, not you...


  1. Oh, I love the Giant Kitty!

    As always, you do know how to get into the mind of a cat!

  2. Loved the possum eating the food reminded me of Washington. They loved it there as much as the raccoons. The raccoons would climb into the elevated bird feeder and the possums would eat the overflow on the cement below.

  3. Reading this with cats on my feet, keeping my tootsies warm. Laughing out loud, I don't seem to have disturbed either of them. *whew*

  4. Wow, close one with the pregnancy thing. Little sock. Cute. Loved the sad cat who was told he was cuter.(Agreed)BUT, still insulted by Cats are like music....:)

  5. "you don't have a hamster anymore" Bwahahahah! awesome.

  6. @Norma: well, they're a superior life form, so getting in their head does present its own challenges...

    @Mari: I remember my parents' cats cornering raccoons, and regularly picking fights with a fox...

    @Under Cover: one can't disturb a resting cat!

    @Eve: this kitty demands first rights of refusal on all future residents of her house, after all, including babies...

    @M.R.: kitty's been bad!

  7. Awesome cat pics!

    Just don't know where you get them all. lol

  8. Yarn does attract cats. Anyone knows that! And the cat that ate the hamster...Well, we've considered getting one but haven't for this very reason.

    And now my girl cat is trying to decide if she's crushing on Inigo Meowntoya or not. She likes his colors but he looks a little young...

  9. awwwwwwwwwww love the hedgehog one.

    My friend who lives on a Yorkshire farm, last year winter was so bad that she found the hedgehogs eating the cats food. They were nesting in the barn with all the cows staying warm in the hay. She was putting extra cat food out for them, There was so much snow that came early and it was so cold that the little guys couldn't find any food.

    cheers, parsnip

  10. It's always good for staff and mutts to know their place in Kitty's universe.

    Happy New Year!!

    Take care

  11. As always, I loved the kitty pics and the diddies.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  12. Having just become a cat person last year, I love these kitty pics so much. Cats are amazing, fun, and really crazy.

  13. While I have spent more of my life as a dog person, some of these look just like the very sweet cats I've known. You're absolutely right, they really are the ultimate life form and completely dictate your day (life)! I love that pic of the kitty changing the time - that's something the family cat would do:)

  14. Oh my, I had not idea, life as a cat was so exciting.

  15. You really are a cat person aren't you William! Me too, I love their independent natures and honestly if anyone tries to pet me before my morning coffee I'd react just the same way hahaha!

  16. Great post with two of your favorite things - cats and SNOW!

  17. Cats are so good at getting in your lap and blocking what you need to do! They're always everywhere you don't want them to be;). As always, loved the post!

  18. Cat in the tub! And you don't have a hamster anymore. I'm dying over here. LOL

  19. @Diane: thanks for stopping by!

    @Cheryl: can that cat be a cougar?

    @Parsnip: I don't think I've ever seen a hedgehog in the wild.

    @Old Kitty: Staff and mutts should know their place, but it doesn't always happen...

    @Shelly: thank you!

    @Patricia: they really are!

  20. @Lulu: it's just their way!

    @Angelika: they must fill their time...

    @Grace: I always have been!

    @Deb: thank you!

    @Maria: inconveniencing humans is a great pleasure for a cat.

    @Kelly: thanks for stopping in!


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