I have no spur To prick the sides of my intent, but only Vaulting ambition, which o'erleaps itself, And falls on th'other. . ~ Macbeth, William Shakespeare
"What do you mean, you're not supposed to say Macbeth in a theatre? It's just a word. Macbeth, Macbeth, Macbeth, Macbeth. What's the worst that can happen?" President Andrew Jackson, inadvertantly setting off the Great Charleston Fire of 1831
"I swear, I have no idea what I was thinking when I added in that fake Andrew Jackson quote." ~ William Kendall, September 2012
Well, since last we did one of these, the Republican and Democrat national conventions have taken place (more or less). We are in the final weeks of the American election campaign, and yes... I know, it feels like it's been forever and that November still seems a long way off. Probably because it is. Still, now that we're getting closer, expect more of these blogs with regularity. The next blog will be full of foreign policy blunders and writing off half the country.
Just keep telling yourselves: it'll all be over soon, it'll all be over soon.
The editorial cartoonists have been busy skewering all sides. Governor Mittens, who finally officially got the nomination (after a bizarre sort of skit by Clint Eastwood), promptly went into his Father Knows Best mode in his speech at the convention, talking about a gentler, simpler time when, "gosh golly, we all had American apple pies cooling on the window sill, and we all went out and played catch with our dad- not two dads, just one, and our mom-just one mom, not two, and no broken homes back then either, no going to stay with dad on the weekend because that just wasn't the way it was, and wasn't it so much nicer back then, fifty or sixty years ago before we had all that awful progress come in and make things all bad?"
Yes, the earmarks of someone trying to evoke an era that never was. Also known as Governor Mittens playing Mr. Rogers. Which, ironically, wouldn't be on the air in a Governor Mittens universe, what with the party base loathing PBS....
The Republican convention kept the cartoonists busy. The reluctant GOP nod to finally endorse Governor Mittens happened (does it have to be him? was often said during the proceedings in those days). And of course the convention got kind of sideswiped by a Hurricane named Isaac and a "Get Off My Lawn" rant by an otherwise outstanding director yelling at an empty chair....
The GOP choice for Vice President, Paul Ryan, requires something of a nickname, given that I've been calling Governor Mittens by a nickname for months on end. I had thought of Attack Dog. Hearing him speak during the news reports on the convention, it sounded like a sneer in vocalized words. Would Paul "The Sneer Incarnate" Ryan suffice?
The editorial cartoonists have hopped onto a bit of a Pinocchio theme with his tendency to fudge the facts in pretty much everything. Hence from now on, he must be referred to in these parts as Pinocchio Ryan. Also known as The Sneer Incarnate.
Of course, there's been another convention. The President, who wasn't opposed by anyone in his party (though Hillary still thinks she should have won the nomination last time out) received the go ahead from his party. Even if it meant Joe "Let Me Clarify" Biden would still be on the ticket as Vice President. It seems Joe has a problem keeping his mouth shut.
During the convention, former President Bill "I Did Not Have Sex With That Woman*" Clinton, who never met a photo op he didn't like, delivered a speech. He went on for quite awhile. People were staring at their watches. Network executives were wondering if they should break into Good Morning America after ten hours of the speech.
*By "not having sex with that woman", Bubba doesn't consider oral sex or hand jobs or the creative use of a cigar to be sex. Of course, if you asked him if he'd had sex with that woman, or that woman, or the one over there... well, his answer would depend on if Hillary was in the room.
Finally it was the President's turn to speak. He managed to have Biden gagged and kept behind locked doors.
And so we're into the final stretch. Of this campaign. Media types and politicians are already talking about 2016. I know. You're thinking enough already! Believe me, so am I.