An Olympic Day In The Life Of A Dog

Before we get ourselves started today, some links for you to check out. Yesterday Norma marked the 250th anniversary of the founding of her home city St. Louis.  The Square Dogs put in another appearance at Parsnip's blog. And behold Ralph The Cat versus The Red Dot.

Back into the Olympics again for my dog and cat, today starting out with the doggie's point of view....

7:25 AM. Waking up. Finding myself lying on my back with all fours in the air. I wonder why humans don't sleep like this. It's very comfortable.

7:40 AM. Good morning, human, how are you this fine day? How about some breakfast?

7:42 AM. Have wolfed down yet another delicious breakfast of kibbles. My human is such a good human too.

7:45 AM. The human lets me out for a run. She tells me the closing ceremonies will be on in a little while.

Wait.... the Olympics don't just last forever?

8:05 AM. Running through the snow, barking my head off. This should be an Olympic sport.

8:25 AM. Stop in to chat with Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. We compare notes on the Olympics. We agree that we don't like that Putin guy. He just seems evil. Plus that policy of rounding up stray dogs doesn't do him any favours at all.

8:30 AM. I bid farewell to Spike. My human is expecting me back early today.

9:10 AM. Back home. The human lets me in, and promptly subjects me to the perils of the Towel of Torment. Human! Just because I roll around in the snow doesn't mean you have to dry me off! I can dry off naturally by the fireplace.

And don't use that wet dog smell excuse with me!

9:40 AM. Watching pre-closing ceremony coverage with the human. She's pleased by how the Games have gone for our athletes. She's less than pleased with the guy she derisively refers to as Tsar Vlad. Or Vlad the Impaler. 

So it's not just a dog thing? Humans dislike him too?

9:45 AM. Human, is it true that the closing ceremonies can take longer than the Oscars? Because that ceremony takes weeks to finish, it sometimes seems.

10:05 AM. Watching more of the coverage. There in the background I see him near some of our Canadian athletes. The cranky Mountie.

I wonder if Lars has beaten up any entertainment reporters yet today.

10:15 AM. The CBC's letting that fashioned challenged old lunatic chatter. Don Cherry still won't apologize for offending all of Sweden by saying they should be carpet bombed.

The human thinks Don Cherry should be carpet bombed.

10:18 AM. Don Cherry's tirade is cut off just as he's launching into a series of profanity laced insults about the king and queen of Sweden. The camera cuts to Peter Mansbridge, who looks horrified until he recovers his composure.

10:40 AM. More footage of spectators going into the stadium. Reporters prattling on about empty seats and tropical weather in Sochi. Well, this is what you get for having the Winter Olympics in a place that's been warmer than Florida lately...

10:55 AM. Lots of last minute stuff going on as the reporters keep chattering away to each other. The human says they're filling time.

11:00 AM. Okay, looks like the closing ceremonies are getting underway. Finally. The human thinks it should only take nine hours to finish.

11:15 AM. The athletes are all busy filing in. The human remarks that whoever designed the uniforms for that country's athletes obviously is the same person who outfits Don Cherry. Speaking of whom, Peter Mansbridge tells us that Cherry's being taken under police escort to the airport for the first flight out of the country.

11:46 AM. This is strange. Vlad the Impaler is taking to the podium. Was he supposed to speak? I thought the role of a head of state in these things was limited to just sitting around and looking grim.

11:47 AM. Vlad the Impaler brushes aside the IOC President and looks out over the stadium. Then he starts laughing. One of those really evil supervillain kind of laughs.

Oh, this can't be good...

12:01 PM. Wow! I mean, that was just... incredible, wasn't it, human? That was a confrontation for the ages, and an amazing twist. I don't know how to describe it. I mean, if I were just a character in a story and the readers were being cheated out of being told what actually happened by my inability to actually say what happened, I think the readers would feel pretty annoyed with the writer right now. I mean, all that buildup and then not even explaining what happened? They'd want his head on a pike!

Oh, that's silly. I'm a dog, not a character.

3:45 PM. The closing ceremonies finally ends with the South Korean cultural performance and fireworks. Four more years til the next round of Games in South Korea... assuming that crazy little man in North Korea doesn't start a war there first.

The human thinks that crazy little man is just trying to overcompensate for being merely three foot four.

6:40 PM. The human gives me some dinner rolls in pasta sauce with dinner. Yum yum yum.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened. That's something I'll remember the rest of my life. And how do I put it into words? 

10:45 PM. Feeling sleepy. Long day. Momentous events in Russia. The world will never be the same again after today. I think I'll go see Spike tomorrow and try to sort it out between us, understand just what it is that we actually saw. I feel sorry for anyone who missed it...

11:10 PM. The human is turning in early. Good night, human. Sweet dreams to you. I'll stay down here. I hope my dreams don't involve evil megalomaniacs with demonic laughs. Unless they get what's coming to them.