Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better
Showing posts with label Jeff Daniels. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jeff Daniels. Show all posts

Monday, December 2, 2019

Hurtling Towards The Brexit Disaster


Snap Election Campaign Continues, Prime Minister Johnson Keeps Up Buffoonery

London (Reuters) There is an old saying: may you live in interesting times. It can be said to be both a blessing and a curse, and such is the case these days. With Brexit perpetually delayed and an election campaign underway in Britain after Prime Minister Boris Johnson lost a confidence vote, interesting days are an understatement in Her Majesty’s Not So United Kingdom at the moment.


There are those who say Brexit never needed to happen in the first place, that the citizens of the country didn’t really understand the consequences of the referendum when the vote to leave the European Union happened. Then there are those who instigated the referendum in the first place, people such as Johnson, who weaseled his way into the Prime Minister’s post after going out of his way to sabotage his predecessor, Theresa May. And then there are the others, such as Nigel Farage, leader of the right wing Brexit Party, who was part of the initiative to drive the UK out of the EU. Caught out on the campaign trail, Farage was his usual creepy used car salesman self. “**** the European Union, I say! Yes, you heard me say it. **** the European ****ing Union!”


It’s been said in the cinema: some men just want to watch the world burn. When Farage was asked if this applied to him, he smiled. “Oh, yes, I love fire. Probably a little too much, and don’t quote me on that. Wait, did I say that out loud?”

Jeremy Corbyn, the left leaning Labour leader, hopes to make gains in the House of Commons in the snap election. “People are tired of the pratfalls and the face palm moments from the current prime minister,” he told reporters on a campaign stop at a retirement home in Yorkshire, where senior citizens were more interested in watching Coronation Street than shaking hands with a politician. “They’re tired of the unfeeling, vindictive tactics of the Tories. So it’s time for the unfeeling, vindictive tactics of the Labour Party. Wait, did I say that out loud?”


Johnson himself, the accident prone moronic politician who never saw a photo op he didn’t love, is in the political fight of his life, months after assuming the prime minister’s post. The goofball with the weird hair who seems perpetually out of his depth in the job, and is now the third prime minister to have to deal with the consequences of Brexit- something that he was behind at the time. Such a task would try the skills of even the brightest and gifted leader.

Boris Johnson is not bright and gifted.


“Ladies and gentlemen,” Johnson told the press while on the campaign trail at a conference centre in London. “It is in our hands, the great decision. We can move forward with leaving Europe once and for all, and strike out on our own. Or we can remain in this quagmire of decisiveness. What I’m asking everyone to do is to trust me. After all, I’m really qualified for this job.”

“If you’re so qualified, how is it you don’t know to use the word decisiveness in the proper context?” one reporter asked. “Because logically speaking, you should have said indecision instead.”


“I did say indecision,” Johnson insisted.

“No, you didn’t,” the reporter countered.

“I did so!” Johnson blustered, seeming frustrated.

“We have it recorded, Prime Minister,” another reporter said.

“I did so! You’re all out to get me! Well, I won’t have it. I’m just going to get back out on the street and keep shaking hands and talking to voters. They get me!” Johnson turned, walking away from the reporters, and tripped on a loose shoelace. He proceeded to tumble head first down a staircase, howling at every impact. Finally hitting the bottom, he was heard to moan and groan, and to call out, “Um, a little help?”


Many in the Conservative party are frustrated with Johnson, feeling that the grandstanding prime minister has led them into disaster, seeking other voices to come in and pull the party and the country away from the madness of Brexit. “This should have never been brought forward in a referendum,” a Tory MP, wishing to remain anonymous, confided. “That clumsy jackass was one of the instigators of all this, and now he’s at Ten Downing. As a country, we have to get behind an alternative. Someone who’s a natural leader. The damned shame is we had one. A thoughtful and articulate former cabinet secretary who got screwed over not once, but twice. Best man for the job, if you ask me. But he won’t take it.”


That former cabinet minister has retired to his country estate in Devonshire, where he’s been writing his memoirs. It has been said by some of his supporters that he intends to bide his time until after the next election, should disaster strike the Tory party, before launching a bid for the leadership and to overthrow Johnson. He certainly has every reason to want to get even with Johnson, who conspired to get rid of him twice. And yet he retains his dignity, his sense of grace and calmness under pressure, and his articulate, thoughtful ways of getting his point across. Reporters approached him at home, finding the short of stature redheaded Muppet looking his usual self.

“Meep! Meep meep meep meep!”

Saturday, March 10, 2018

A Day In The Life Of A Mobster

I have something different today, the point of view of a gangster. I still haven't decided if he's a snitch.


7:25 AM. Awake at home. Having breakfast. Hot coffee and toast. Well done, just the way I like it. The wife’s off in the Caribbean somewhere. Gotta look up where, sooner or later. Theresa said something about tans and beaches and margaritas, I don’t know, I wasn’t paying much attention….


7:53 AM. A last look at myself in the mirror before I head out the door. Crisp grey suit, matching tie, black shirt. Jeez, I’m starting to look like a stereotype of the job.


7:55 AM. Stepping out my front door. Nico and Lorenzo are waiting by the Rolls. Hey, fellas, how the **** you doing? You do know I can drive myself, right?


7:56 AM. Nico tells me Don Bianchi wants to see me right away. The boss himself? Wow, I wonder what brought him all the way here from Sicily. Okay, fellas, so let’s get moving already.



8:20 AM. Nico and Lorenzo walk me into the coffee warehouse. That’s what we call the place anyway. Bianchi Coffee. Not that we actually move coffee, and the cops know it. Knowing it and proving it are two different things, you know what I’m saying?


8:21 AM. Finding myself in the back office, where Don Carlos Bianchi is waiting in person. The capo di capi of the whole organization. Don Bianchi, it’s an honour.

Something seems off. The don doesn’t seem pleased to see me.


8:23 AM. Nico and Lorenzo have put me down on a chair. Hard. And they’re looming behind me like the three hundred pounds of hired muscle that they are. Don Bianchi accuses me of ratting to the cops. I’m horrified by the accusation. I mean, come on, Don Bianchi, what kind of low down rat would talk to the cops? I mean, sure, they call me Joey the Rat, but that’s an ironic name! I have no idea who squealed to the cops and got your grandson thrown in jail for the next thirty years, but if I knew, I’d have already whacked them, bada bing bada boom! You of all people know how safe a secret is when it’s kept by me. I mean, I’ve never told anyone that Nico is banging Lorenzo’s wife and Lorenzo doesn’t even…

Oh, ****, did I just say that out loud?


8:25 AM. Don Bianchi tells Nico and Lorenzo to stop hitting each other. They stop, and then he makes a hand gesture. Before I know what’s happening, I feel an impact to the back of my head, and everything goes black.


11:14 AM. Coming to. Feels like everything is moving. Opening my eyes. Looking around. Assessing. Looks like I’m in a plane cabin. A small plane. Hands tied behind my back. Lying on the floor. Nico is over there. Lorenzo is in the other direction. Both of them aren’t looking at each other. Hey, fellas, a little help here, you know what I'm saying?


11:28 AM. Nico and Lorenzo haven’t said much of anything to me, aside from telling me to shut up. Come on, fellas, so I slipped up about the whole thing with Nico screwin’ Giulietta, so what? These things happen. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t had some action on the side myself while my Theresa isn’t paying attention. Now where were we? Oh, right, how about you untie me and we let bygones be bygones?


12:03 PM. The pilot calls back to Nico and Lorenzo. Says we’re out past the limit and depressurized. The limit of what? Come on, fellas, you know me. You know I would never have ratted to the cops. I mean, there’s that whole code we have. The omerta. Code of silence. We’re mobsters. We don’t rat each other out. At least to the cops. Sorry about the whole ratting you and Giulietta out thing, Nico, but it was an honest mistake. My point is there’s a big difference between slipping up and letting Lorenzo know his wife has been cheating on him, and giving the cops evidence to put away Paolo Bianchi for drug trafficking!


12:05 PM. Nico and Lorenzo help me up to my feet. It’s about time, fellas, so go ahead and untie me already, my wrists are sore.


12:06 PM. Lorenzo moves forward, while Nico’s hustling me by the arm from behind. I stop when I see Lorenzo opening up the cabin door. I hear the roar of the air outside coming. It suddenly hits me that this is a one way trip for me. Now wait a minute, fellas… let’s not lose our heads here.


12:07 PM. Nico starts pushing me towards the open door. Come on! Look, we can make a deal, right? I’ve got money. Us three, fellas, and hell, even the pilot. We can make a ****ing deal. Hey! Lorenzo, I toasted you and Giulietta at your wedding, remember? You honestly telling me you’re gonna whack one of your wedding guests?


12:07:32 PM. Nico and Lorenzo push and pull me closer to the door. One last glance outside at the big void of empty air. Looks like we’re five thousand feet up. Lots of ocean down there. Oh, ****, come on fellas, couldn’t you have just put two bullets in my head bada bing bada boom? That would have been merciful!


12:08:17 PM. They’ve got me right at the threshold. I can feel the wind against my face. Hands tied up behind me, can’t grip anything… Nico yells in my ear that I should know that Theresa is ****ing that trainer at her gym. Wait a minute… my Theresa is banging Randy ****ing Walden???


12:08:29 PM. Two pairs of hands shove me out the door. I feel myself falling straight off, hurtling down towards the ocean. Wondering if I’ll lose consciousness before I hit. Wondering how bad the impact will be. Wondering how the **** I could have missed the fact that my wife is ****ing her trainer. Wondering if she’s banging him right now wherever the **** she is. I mean, that ****ing idiot Walden??? What’s he got that I do….


12:10 PM. A moment of blackness. Opening my eyes. Finding myself in a fire and brimstone kinda place with guys with red skin, carrying pitchforks and bullwhips. I think this is hell, you know what I’m saying?

**** that! Joey the Rat Falcone was supposed to end up in the other place! 

Saturday, April 11, 2015

From History To Legend- March To Mortality

Some links before starting today. Norma had a photoblog from Hong Kong.Yesterday having had been a Friday, Parsnip had a Square Dog Friday post. And Eve is taking part in A-Z this April; you can find her posts at her blog.

Now then, here is the second of my two movie reviews for Civil War films....


“Afterwards men in tall hats and gold watch fobs will thump their chests and say what a brave charge it was. Devin, I’ve led a soldier’s life, and I’ve never seen anything as brutally clear as this.” ~ John Buford

“Win was like a brother to me, remember? Towards the end of the evening, things got a little rough. We both began to... well, there were a lot of tears. I went over to Hancock. I took him by the shoulder, I said, Win, so help me, if I ever raise my hand against you, may God strike me dead. Ain’t seen him since. He was at Malverne Hill, White Oak Swamp, Sharpsburg, Fredericksburg... One of these days I will see him, I’m afraid. Across that small, deadly space.”  ~ Lewis Armistead

“Generals can do anything. There’s nothing so much like God on earth as a general on a battlefield.” ~ Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain

“Soldiering has one great trap. To be a good soldier, you must love the army. To be a good commander you must be willing to order the death of the thing you love. We do not fear our own death, you and I. But there comes a time... we are never prepared for so many to die. Oh, we do expect the occasional empty chair, a salute to fallen comrades. But this war goes on and on and the price gets ever higher.” ~ Robert E. Lee

"Lovely ground." ~ John Reynolds
"I thought so, sir." ~ John Buford
"Now, let's go surprise Harry Heth." ~ John Reynolds

"Up, men! And to your posts! And let no man forget today that you are from old Virginia!" ~ George Pickett

“Well, if he’s an angel, all right then, but he damned well must be a killer angel.” ~ Buster Kilrain

“That’s Hancock out there. And he ain’t gonna run. So it’s mathematical after all. If they get to that road, or beyond it, we’ll suffer over fifty percent casualties. But Harrison... I don’t believe my boys will reach that wall.” ~ James Longstreet

“There are times when a corps commander’s life does not count.” ~ Winfield Scott Hancock


Michael Shaara’s classic novel The Killer Angels won the Pulitzer for fiction in 1975. It is my favourite novel, and tells the story of the three-day Battle of Gettysburg through the eyes of some of the commanders, both North and South. The novel was adapted by director and scriptwriter Ronald F. Maxwell and released in 1993 as the film Gettysburg, filmed on and around the battlefield itself, involving a cast of thousands, including many re-enactors who make a life’s hobby out of this sort of thing. The film follows the novel closely, giving us the point of view of commanders on both sides in a balanced way while conveying the ferocity of the greatest battle ever fought in North America.


The film begins with a voiceover, showing the movements of the Union and Confederate armies in late June 1863, as the Army of Northern Virginia under Robert E. Lee (Martin Sheen) moves north into Maryland and Pennsylvania, pursued by the Army of the Potomac, moving more quickly than expected. The Confederate army have been used to victory time and again, while the Union army has suffered losses and the incompetence of commanding generals. This time, however, things are different- the Southern cavalry commander, Jeb Stuart (Joseph Fuqua) is missing, off on one of his grand rides up north with his cavalry, leaving the infantry blind in enemy country. This worries Lee’s senior commander, James Longstreet (Tom Berenger), who has employed the use of a civilian scout to determine the movements of the enemy.


The Union army, meanwhile, is moving quickly; command has been given over to a new commander, George Meade (Richard Anderson). The cavalry commander in the field is a brigadier general by the name of John Buford (Sam Elliott), who brings his troops into Gettysburg the day before the battle. He’s been scouting the movements of the Confederate army, and has learned they’re turning south, perhaps to threaten Washington. Buford understands the value of the ground south of the small town, the best high ground around, and makes the fateful decision to stand his ground, summoning the infantry to come up quickly and take control of the high ground before the rebels can take it. Two senior corps commanders, John Reynolds (John Rothman) and Winfield Scott Hancock (Brian Mallon) know him well enough to take him seriously, and promise to have the army up in the morning.


Coming with that army of Union troops is an unlikely officer, a colonel with his own regiment from Maine. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain (Jeff Daniels) is a professor who’s joined the war effort, a scholar and a man of principle who happens to be very good at the life of a soldier, an effective commander. His brother Tom (C. Thomas Howell) is a junior officer in the regiment, and tends to call Chamberlain by his first name. One of the senior enlisted men, Buster Kilrain (Kevin Conway) is a wise, gruff Irishman who’s been in the army most of his adult life, something of a father figure to the scholarly colonel. Their regiment is brought up along with the rest of the army, where they will meet destiny on the second day of the battle.


There had been efforts for years to adapt the book for the screen, either television or movies, but it was Maxwell who brought the film to the big screen. He received the backing of Ted Turner, who has a cameo as a Confederate officer during the climactic and ill fated Pickett’s Charge. Turner loved the novel too, and wanted to see it made. The National Parks Service allowed filming and battle re-enactment to be done on the battlefield itself, which gives the film a higher authenticity, particularly since places like Devil’s Den and Little Round Top had never seen this done. It is a long film- over four hours- but the material demanded that length. And the use of re-enactors, who know the story so well, allowed for a smoother filming process. Maxwell wrote the script, which closely adapts the novel, and which in turn paid heed to the history of the battle. Shaara noted at the time that while inner thoughts and some dialogue were his own interpretation, his foundation was on fact, and certainly his interpretation of the people on the page, and how they came to life on screen certainly rings true to who they were.


Maxwell’s direction throughout is sterling. He captures the ferocity of that war perfectly through the battle sequences, particularly the desperate fighting on Little Round Top on the second day, when the entire Union left flank is in danger, but also the cataclysm of the third day’s Pickett’s Charge. We feel the movement of vast forces of soldiers on the battlefield in how Maxwell’s camera team works, but then quickly find ourselves among regiments and get the close-up view in the midst of battle. The story gives balance to both sides- enough time is given to both perspectives, even though we know in our day that one side is wrong. It doesn’t romanticize the Old South in the infuriating way that Gone With The Wind did. And Maxwell even preserves a bit of Shaara’s humour in the story, mostly at the expense of one of Longstreet’s division commanders, George Pickett (Stephen Lang), a not that terribly bright but quite affable officer whose name will forever after be attached to the turning point of the Civil War. His three brigade commanders like to poke fun at his not so stellar academic record or his dim view of science.


Filming on place allowed for great authenticity, and that is much the same for the costuming and prop people. Many of the re-enactors would of course bring their own uniforms and gear for the project, but for those members of the cast who were featured players, their uniforms look very much of the era. This applies to makeup as well- most of the men (with a couple of minor cameos, this is an all male cast) have facial hair, some enough to house bird nests, but fitting for the time, and authentic to the men they are portraying. The music comes from Randy Edelman, and remains one of my favourite scores, emphasizing character moments at quiet interludes in the film, but also ferocious, desperate, and grand when accompanying the fury of battle.


The cast is huge. Many of the roles are cameos; documentary director Ken Burns, for instance, plays a Union staff officer during the cannonade on Cemetery Ridge preceding Pickett’s Charge. George Lazenby, a one-time James Bond, turns up as a Confederate division commander, Johnston Pettigrew, one of the other division commanders involved in Pickett’s Charge. Morgan Sheppard, an ancient looking actor with a huge resume of character roles (you’ve seen this actor in at least something), plays the third division commander of that charge. He’s a gruff staff officer when we first meet him, disgusted by the ineffectiveness of another corps commander, and placed into a vital position by Lee, who needs to fill a hole. Anderson’s appearance as General Meade is a brief one- he only appears once in the film as the commanding general, but that fits the story and the history, since Meade wasn’t that much of a factor in the battle. Donal Logue has more than a cameo, appearing frequently through the first half of the film- though he’s unrecognizable under facial hair- as Major Ellis Spear, Chamberlain’s capable and serious senior subordinate. John Rothman appears briefly as the ill fated General John Reynolds, playing the role as the man must have been: a superb commander, completely calm in the face of battle.


C. Thomas Howell plays the younger Chamberlain with a certain naive quality that works. Tom is the brother who always looked up to his older brother, joined the military because that’s what his brother was doing, and seems oblivious at times to military protocol, particularly his tendency to forget to address his brother by rank. He’s been in the army for awhile, has seen a lot, and yet that boyish naivety is still there. Kevin Conway, a character actor who’s been in multiple roles in the movies and television for years, gets one of the best parts as Kilrain. He’s a career soldier, the sort of senior enlisted man who make up the backbone of military services. And he’s gruff and disgusted by the foolishness of high command, something one might expect out of such a soldier. Yet he also does his duty, and is surprisingly thoughtful and wise. A conversation along the way with Chamberlain shows the father-son relationship between the two, and Kilrain’s principles as a person. He believes that only a fool judges people by the group or race- that you take people one at a time. It’s such a good role, and Conway makes it so memorable.


Brian Mallon gets the most screen time of the senior corps commanders in the Union Army as General Hancock. The real man was one of the finest officers in the army, a tough, tenacious, exceptional officer, and Mallon plays those qualities in his performance. Hancock is a commander who’s a natural leader, an inspiration to those around him, and calm under pressure. Mallon conveys that, but also shows the other side of the man, the humanity of Hancock, and a melancholy over an old friend who’s fighting on the Confederate side.


That friend, as it turns out, is Lewis Armistead (Richard Jordan), a brigade commander under Pickett, who, as fate would have it, is facing Hancock’s lines on the third day of battle. Both men become aware of each other being across the empty space between the lines, and both aware this means these two best friends will be fighting each other. It’s a twist that weighs heavily on them both, and we see that particularly in Jordan’s performance. It is the most poignant role in the film- we like Armistead tremendously; there’s a great warmth in the character. He has a sense of humour, but there’s also tragedy to him; he expresses that to his old friend Longstreet, particularly in a explaining about a vow he made the last time he saw Hancock. And now fate has brought him to fight Hancock head on. The performance is made all the more poignant by the fact that this was Jordan’s final performance; he died soon after filming was wrapped, and the film is dedicated to the memory of Jordan and Shaara.


Stephen Lang has spent years playing various character roles, often villains, but this is my favourite role by the actor. He plays Pickett just as you’d expect the real man to be. Pickett’s not a bright guy- he finished dead last in his class at West Point- but he’s capable and reliable, able to follow through on orders. He also seems to be good company, cheerfully taking jokes at his own expense, even instigating some of them, a boyish sort of fellow engaged to a woman half his age. Pickett is a jovial officer- and so the ill-fated charge that bears his name leaves him utterly shattered. When we last see him, he’s a broken man, and Lang conveys all of those qualities in his performance.


This is one of my favourite roles for Sam Elliott. John Buford was fated to die later in 1863, and for many years was a forgotten figure in the Civil War. It was perhaps the benefit of Shaara’s novel that started to give him serious attention and credit again. A bright man with a gift for topography and the best use of the land for military purposes, it was Buford’s decision to fight at Gettysburg and his stubborn fight on the first day that allowed the Union infantry to come up and occupy the high ground. In doing so, Buford saved the battle and perhaps the war. Elliott conveys the tenacious nature of the man, his frustrations at commanders, and his tough, capable, and steady character. Buford is a man who can see what’s to come; his prediction of the battle to one of his brigade commanders is chillingly accurate, at least for the losing side.


Martin Sheen is given the role of General Lee, and he plays the role well. Looking at history, one is struck with the dignity of Lee, his intelligence, and his skill as an officer. These are qualities that Sheen brings across throughout the film. He’s still a torn man; he remembers that he once took a vow as an officer in the Union army, and that he served with many of the men fighting against him. And yet he believes his duty first and foremost is to his home state. He’s also an officer with great empathy for his men; he says that a good commander must love the army, but also be willing to order the death of that which he loves. It’s a great contradiction, but it fits in perfectly with the character of the man. Another element that resonates is his anger- it’s a quality Lee tries to keep harnessed, but it shows itself in a late night meeting with Stuart, whose absence until the battle has started has leaved the general deeply disappointed. The anger he expresses to Stuart is effective in the moment- a mark of a man who could be very dangerous when riled. Sheen takes all of these into account with his performance, and it rates as one of his finest roles.


Tom Berenger also inhabits the role of Longstreet just as you’d expect the man to be. Longstreet was a military genius, devising systems of trench warfare decades before its time. He was a methodical, defensive commander of great skill, an effective general who’d advanced to his position based on his own talent. He was also a man of gloom and frustration, with a tragic past, suffering multiple personal losses during the War. Berenger plays Longstreet with gravity and force, a man of strength. He knows what’s coming- he tries to argue with Lee about moving the army away from the field and threatening Washington directly- but to no avail. And Berenger’s Longstreet feels the loss of what happens, the responsibility for it all, very heavily.


Jeff Daniels gives his best performance as Chamberlain. The fighting professor from Maine was the sort of person who could master any subject before him, and he certainly excelled at military life, ending up as one of the most extraordinary soldiers of the war. He’s a man of scholarly knowledge and deeply held principles, a man who believes in the cause he is fighting for. Daniels brings those qualities to the role, and also comes across as a highly capable leader, trusted by his men, someone whose ability to speak can be persuasive. He also shows the ingenuity and resourcefulness of Chamberlain, whose last minute use of a textbook tactic saves the second day and the Union army on Little Round Top.

Gettysburg is one of my favourite films, if not my favourite. The tale of the pivotal battle of a terrible war captures the immediacy of battle, the desperate odds on both sides, and the ferocious nature of that war. It also gives the viewer outstanding performances all around, bringing figures from the past back to life in rich and deep ways. It is, quite simply, a magnificent achievement in film.