Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

The Rampage Of A Fired Sitcom Celebrity


Fallen Network Star Fumes, Gets New Opportunity

Los Angeles (AP). The fallout of the cancellation of Roseanne Barr’s show after a racist tweet continues, with things going in different directions on multiple fronts. The turbulence-loving star, who was summarily fired by ABC after her remarks against a former Obama adviser, has spent time lashing out at other cast members of the Roseanne update who expressed disappointment in her. Barr and her supporters have been busy feeding into conspiracy theories. From the White House, Donald Trump has been busy lashing out at ABC and demanding why he hasn’t been apologized to as opposed to doing his job. Others have been wondering why the woman with the world’s most obnoxious laugh just won’t go away.


There have been suggestions about how to salvage the show, at the very least to give the cast and the crew a continued source of work, particularly given the high ratings that the update has been having. It was removed from the schedule in the wake of the controversy, as were syndicated reruns of the original series on other stations. “It’s been done before,” an ABC network executive admitted, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Valerie Harper left her show, and the show went on without her. When Charlie Sheen lost his mind and got fired off Two And A Half Men, the show retooled and went on without him. The network is still open to exploring possibilities about saving the show. Just not with Roseanne involved in any capacity, because between you and me and the network, she’s nuts.”


The scenarios suggested have varied. Picking up the series a couple of years later with Dan Conner a widower, and Roseanne’s name never mentioned again is one idea. Another notion picks up threads from the Dallas series or the finale of the sitcom Newhart, with dreams being a central concept. Producer Bruce Helford confirmed that there are ideas being bounced around about salvaging the series.


“One of the more amusing ideas is that we start an episode with Dan waking up in bed in the middle of the night in a cold sweat,” Helford told reporters yesterday. “Sits up straight and yells out, ‘honey, I had a horrible dream! I was married to the world’s most obnoxious woman for years on end and she just wouldn’t stop cackling that awful laugh and spewing conspiracy theories and being a bitter….’ And then his wife sits up in bed. And of course instead of Roseanne, it’s her sister Jackie, but in this reboot of the show, Jackie’s an only child, has no sister, and she and Dan have been happily married for thirty years.”


“**** that!” Roseanne Barr bellowed in an unsolicited call to Fox & Friends during their Monday morning broadcast, slurring her words at times and using colourful vocabulary, leaving one wondering if she was mixing meds with booze again. “They can’t take the characters I created, the show I ****ing created, and wipe me out of the show! I’ll never ****ing let them! I’d rather burn the ****ing set down! Scorched ****ing earth, you ****ing ****ers!”


Her ex-husband, Tom Arnold, once seen as an opportunistic, untalented snake when he leeched onto the show during its first run for a time, has had a few things to say on the matter, mostly in interviews with the networks. “She’s bipolar, okay?” he said on CNN last night. “She doesn’t handle stress well, and she craves attention. The best thing you can do right about now is just ignore her. Meanwhile, how about in the reboot, we have my character come back as a used car salesman and comic relief?”


As noted, the issue has made waves around the White House. Roseanne’s character was written as a Trump supporter in the revisited series, and the tensions between she and other family members over politics was a subplot in the series. This has elicited sympathy out of Trump, who has been vocal in support of the actress and using the matter to further his own grudges.


On Monday evening he made an announcement to the press at the White House. Instead of addressing matters such as the impending G7 meeting where he’ll be quite unwelcome, or the on and off North Korea summit, or the fact that he’s going out of his way to alienate and irritate allies, the President chose to focus on a matter that he found more pressing. “The way Roseanne Barr has been treated is very unfair! Unfair! Very unfair bigly! They fired her for something that doesn’t really matter, because she’s a fan of me, and I’m a fan of her. Big time! And those crooked networks, that mainstream media that hates me, they’re never gonna let her back in. They’re never gonna apologize to her or to me. So I have decided, as my job gives me absolute power to do whatever the **** I want, to screw over those ****ing networks by doing something different.”


Trump smiled in that leering smirk way of his, and continued. “I’m giving Roseanne a job. An important job. A big job in a prestigious place. Because she’s one of the best people. And I only hire the best people. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that. Now I could be making her my chief of staff, and who knows, maybe I will. I mean, that ****er Kelly is gonna be on his way out any day soon now, and I’ll tell you, I’m sick and tired of that mother****er telling me I gotta control myself. Control myself? I’m in control, I’m the best at being in control, believe me, folks.”


The orange tinted chief executive paused a moment, as if trying to keep track of what he was saying. “Where was I? Oh yes, the job. Now I want to give Roseanne the right kind of job. Something that requires tact and grace and all that bullshit. Something important. I thought diplomacy. In an important place. But I can’t make her an ambassador, at least not yet. She doesn’t have the experience, and besides, where I’m sending her, the ambassador’s a close personal friend of mine who donated to my campaign. So instead I’m giving her a chance to build up some experience in the field. I’m making her the official communications director for our embassy in Great Britain. Isn’t that covfefe great?

The press corps was in a state of stunned silence for a moment, until someone spoke up. “Have you lost your mind?”


“Shut the **** up!” Trump answered. “She’s gonna be great in the job, tellin’ those stuffy Brits what’s what and who’s for. She’s gonna pave the way for my first official state visit to Old England, Scotland, whatever the ****, I mean, who cares about what the ****ing difference is between the British Brits. English, Scottish, it’s all the same. So where was I? Oh yes, state visit! We’re talking me shaking hands with that old battleaxe Lizzie, tellin’ her to put a big Trump Casino sign up at that Burpingham Palace place, because let’s face it, that place needs a bit of Trump class. We’re talking me giving a big speech for the ages to their worthless little parliament and telling those stuffy mother****ers who's in charge. And they’d better ****ing show me some ****ing respect, and apologize to my buddy Vladimir for that whole ****ing overreaction to that spy being poisoned thing. Now, no more questions, I gotta get busy on this afternoon’s ****ing tweet rampage before I give an official ****ing pardon to the corpse of Charles ****ing Manson.” With that, Trump stormed out of the press room.


Needless to say, the British are not amused. Prime Minister May, busy trying to wrangle some kind of solution out of the Brexit fiasco, was displeased by the statement. A formal statement from Ten Downing Street indicated that the American President is not welcome on British soil. Another statement from Buckingham Palace noted, “the Royal Family is not obliged to receive someone incapable of tact and respectful behavior, neither in the capacity of an embassy staffer or a head of state. It is recommended to the current occupant of the Oval Office that should he visit Britain at any point during or after his presidency, Her Majesty has the Tower of London at her disposal, and while it is largely a tourist attraction, the infrastructure for its old uses as a prison are still in place, and she sees no problem with detaining, quote, an insufferable lout, end quote, for a few weeks.”


When the statement reached the White House, Trump’s latest Twitter storm was magnified ten times worse, and Chief of Staff John Kelly has reportedly told military officers not to let the President near the nuclear codes. “What the hell was I thinking,” he said to reporters last night outside the West Wing. “Taking this job? Did I lose control of my faculties for a moment? Say, do the networks have any job openings coming up for former White House staffers as pundits? Because I could use a less stressful job right about now.”

30 comments:

  1. I don't understand why the show rebooted with your as the star after the oven burned cookies insult that's farther over the edge than the comment the show has been canceled over. A new show without her name, Gilbert starring, not the husband, might save the show.

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    1. Sorry, that should be...rebooted with her as the star.

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    2. I just think the networks need to stop doing these revisits to old shows years after they ended, but apparently the networks seem to have run out of imagination long ago.

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    3. I can't wait for the Murphy Brown reboot. Watching one of the old episodes last night, I discovered I'm even more like her than originally believed!

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    4. ..or... uh... Columbo re-reboot?

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    5. Columbo? No one could ever replace Peter Falk in that role!

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    6. Are they seriously thinking of rebooting Columbo? That can't work. I see they're doing Magnum P.I. and a few others. Murphy Brown at least has the original cast.

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  2. I never saw the show. I was never interested for some reason. If they continue the show without her... she should not profit from it in any way. She has problems. She should be treated.

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    1. She reminds me of one of my sisters. And I have plenty of good reasons to have not spoken to that sister in years, so Roseanne has the same off putting quality to me.

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  3. I don't know anything about Roseanne's career. From the pictures, it looks to me that she got a nice new pretty good face lift for this new show. Soooo, with the show cancelled, she is making an extra effort to keep her face in our faces till the lift wears off...

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    1. Face lifts can't hide the black void that is her soul.

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  4. Disney and CBS wanted money lots of money and rebooted her show.
    I didn't watch the first one and didn't watch the second one. They wanted all the crazy on the show in the news. They knew what they were playing with didn't care they wanted the money.
    BUT
    What I don;t understand is why does the Views Joy Bahar and someone like Samath Bee get away with say really awful things.
    But #1 was Alec Baldwin liberal Clinton supporter, saying that Henry Hyde (R ILL) be stoned and clubbed to death and then the mob should kill Hyde's family too.
    Alec also said people angered by his remarks were stiffs.
    So what Roseanna said was awful but if you a liberal media darling you can say anything you want. Calling for the clubbing death of anyone and his family to a cheering crowd is beyond awful. Killing someone and their family because he does not agree with you ?
    Clinton who still to this day has not apologized to to Monica Lewinsky after throwing her under the bus because he couldn't keep his zipper up. He also just got her uninvited to a event about social change this month, but he is still the man our liberal hero ! Needless to say I will not be buying any James Patterson books.
    Why are these liberals shows not cancelled ?

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. Good post and sorry I went off on a tangent.

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    2. Roseanne wasn't on CBS, Gayle. It was ABC.

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    3. No problem with going off on a tangent.

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  5. Bring back Arnie (Tom Arnold)! When last seen on the show, he was abducted by aliens who took him as a pet for their offspring.

    Maybe Roseanne could be abducted by aliens. (Maybe she actually was, now that I think about it....)

    The characters on the show actually do fit the profile of the typical Trump supporter. I know a lot of people panned it for that reason, but.... I knew a lot more real-life families like the Conners than those in the'50s sitcoms. Scary, huh?

    As for Samantha Bee, I didn't like the choice of words, but her take on Ivanka or any of the Trumps--I agree with her 100%. Maybe she should move to HBO--I've heard worse from Bill Maher and John Oliver.

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    1. I do not watch many TV shows so thanks for the ABC/CBS mixup
      Hate speech of any kind is wrong. Be it passing for a comedy show or a political talk show.
      The garbage coming out of Joy Bahar mouth and Samantha Bee is just wrong along with Roseanne.

      Cu*t is a word that need to be gone. Ithink using these words is just fanning the flame of hate. To me Roseanne, Maher and Oliver are all the same. Hate mongers.
      Of course Trump is not helping. He is the worst of all.

      But I still say Baldwin should have been charged for what he said. Calling for the deaths of a political person and his family is no better than North Korea or ISIS.

      As for Clinton he is a disgusting person. He was too busy playing sex games in the oval office instead of seeing the first attack on the twin towers as a precurser to what could and did happen.
      As for the Trump he is beyond disgusting.
      We are dumbing down to our worse base.

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  6. Ohhh, boy, William. You found a hot subject here. (:

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    1. He usually avoids controversy. That's why he's been in Facebook jail at least half a dozen times....

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    2. I figured this would get some responses, including silence.

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    3. It's been anything but quiet!

      And the best part is that you won't get shipped off to Blogger jail....

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    4. And we're so very surprised!

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    5. Well, I do know that there are some people who wouldn't reply at all given the subject, and that's fine.

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    6. Sometimes, silence is a good thing!

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  7. Alec should be in jail along with Clinton hahahahahahahaha
    Just put me in jail now.....I am not a liberal democrat I am a moderate hahahahahahahaha

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  8. Yep, I understand Kelly is miserable. And Roseanne would be great in his job! Perfect solution!

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    1. Kelly must be wondering why he didn't just pass on the job.

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