Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, June 27, 2016

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Once more, the time has come for the dog and cat's point of view. As always, we begin with the dog.

7:22 AM. Awake at home. Strange dreams. Chewed on the thawing bones of a mammoth.

7:25 AM. Looking out the window. Sun and clouds up in the sky. It looks like a good day to get out there and go for a run and search for mud puddles and chase squirrels. Emphasis on the chasing squirrels. 

7:31 AM. The human comes downstairs. Well, hello there, human! It looks like a fine day. Say, what do you think about getting around to breakfast? I’d help myself, but, well... I don’t have the opposable thumbs to open pantry doors on the one hand, and on the other, even if I did, I probably wouldn’t have the self control to stop eating kibbles.

7:35 AM. Wolfing down my breakfast. Yum yum yum!

7:39 AM. Out the door for my morning constitutional.

7:47 AM. Running through the back fields, barking at the birds as I go. Sure, you feathery know it all critters might be able to fly up there in the air, but unlike you, I can wag my tail!

7:52 AM. I stop in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike! 

7:54 AM. Spike and I compare notes on possible movements of the enemy. We suspect the squirrels might be consolidating their forces and gathering together their nuts to lay siege to the humans and unleash their nefarious plans for world domination. Clearly this must be stopped.

7:58 AM. I relate to Spike about my dream of mammoth bones. It’s too bad that we don’t have any of those around these days. Can you imagine chewing on bones so big you might never finish? Makes you think the humans should take us into museums, just so we can chew on a dinosaur bone. It’s not like that’s going to bother anyone, right? Well, except for the curators, but they are a silly lot.

8:02 AM. Parting ways with Spike. Hmmm, those clouds are looking ominous...

8:14 AM. Thunder rumbling. Rain starting to fall. On the one hand, hey, that’s great, that’ll mean mud puddles in the not so distant future. On the other hand, that means I’m going to get a bit wet before I get home. 

8:17 AM. Okay, now it’s coming down like a deluge. I’ll be thoroughly drenched by the time I get home.

8:21 AM. Barking at the back door. Human! Let me in!

8:22 AM. The human opens the back door. I rush right past her. 

8:24 AM. The human is busy applying the Towel of Torment to my soaked fur. Come on, human, I can dry off naturally, you know. And don’t give me any of that wet dog smell nonsense. Compared to some of that crap the cosmetic industry puts out, it’s a pleasant odour.

8:28 AM. The human is finished with the Towel of Torment. Not one second too soon, if you ask me, and of course you are asking me. Human? Where’d that rain come from, anyway? One minute I was talking with Spike at his place, and the next, downpour city.

8:36 AM. Looking outside. Still raining. Wouldn’t want to be stuck out there all day today, let me tell you. I wonder if fate will smile on me and cause the drowning of that despicable mailman before he can get here.

9:21 AM. Rather than continue to look out the window at the endless rain, I think I’m due for a good nap. Sure, I’ve only been awake a couple of hours, but hey... being out in the rain can be tiring, can’t it?

12:35 PM. Waking up. Sounds from the kitchen! I didn’t miss lunch, did I? I mean, how can I pass up a chance to mooch some nice tasty food?

12:36 PM. The human is doing dishes. She looks at me and tells me I’m too late for lunch mooching. Did I say I was going to mooch? I might have thought it, but that’s a completely different thing, you know. Oh well, I’ll have to make up for it later.

1:35 PM. Barking at the mailman as he turns up at the mailbox. You’re lucky you’re in that car, mailman, and that I’m in my house! If it wasn’t raining right now, I’d be out there giving you a piece of my mind! Foul monster!

2:58 PM. Have mooched a cookie from the human while she’s having tea. Oh, boy! Butterscotch!

5:41 PM. Supervising the human while she’s making dinner. Whatever it is, it smells good.

6:29 PM. Pot roast! Happily chewing on some chunks the human cut for me. Human? You’re a doll.

8:35 PM. Basking in post pot roast full tummy happiness.

11:38 PM. The human is off to bed. I’m lying on my back looking up at the ceiling, listening to the rain outside. Human? Will we be needing to build an ark or anything like that? Because my lack of opposable thumbs makes me not so handy with a hammer.


  1. I don't know where you find these. Or you make them! I love every one.

  2. awwwwwwwwwww this post was just the best for a Monday.
    So many good ones.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

  3. My dog hates squirrels. If one ever jumped on her nose she'd freak out!

  4. Hmm, I'm feeling the coffee or nap conundrum at the moment.

  5. The pictures are adorable. Loved the philosophical shepherd. Very true.

  6. @Petrea: I gather them gradually. Some I put the memes on.

    @Parsnip: thank you!

    @Kelly: some dogs would!

    @Meradeth: it is quite a conundrum.

    @Mari: thanks!

  7. I'm with those first two dogs!

  8. Because I'm an English bulldog owner, I can expertly agree that you accurately portray them! :)

  9. That's dog face when that squirrel jumped on its nose :D I wonder what my dog would do if that ever happened.

  10. Hair Ball just takes his spot on the sofa. He doesn't ask.

  11. That squirrel looks like a bully to me! Poor doggie!


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