A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Once again it is time for the perspectives of the dog and the cat. As always, I start with the dog's unique outlook on life.

7:27 AM. Waking up at home. Had the most curious dreams. I saw a nice juicy rib bone, something I could have chewed quite happily for an hour or two, but every time I got near it, it seemed to move further away. Most puzzling. 

7:29 AM. A look outside. Sunny weather. A nice switch from the rain we’ve had over the last few days. It means I won’t get subjected to the Towel of Torment after I’m outside. That is, of course, unless I happen to run across a mud puddle while out on my morning constitutional. Because, after all, I am a dog, and some things just can’t be resisted.

7:34 AM. The human comes downstairs. I wag my tail with great enthusiasm. Hello, human, and good morning. Say, how about a bite to eat? I’d be ever so pleased, you know...

7:36 AM. I am busy wolfing down a big bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum!

7:39 AM. Out the door for my first run of the day. Bye, human! I’ll be back in awhile, so don’t think of going for a car ride without me, okay? And yes, I promise to behave myself. What, does my reputation precede me?

7:52 AM. Running through the back fields as if my life depends on it, barking up a storm. I’m sure I’m waking up any late risers in the area as I do so, but come on, if you’re not up at ten to eight in the morning on a lovely near summer day like this, either you’re sick or you’re dead. And if you’re dead, not even a dog tail wag can raise your spirits.

8:03 AM. Dashing along a fence line between our farm and the McDonald farm. Stopping when I see some sheep standing over in the next field. They’re all looking at me in that silent, judging way that sheep seem to have where dogs are concerned. Hey! Do I have to give you guys a stern glare and a few well timed barks to herd you off where you belong?

8:04 AM. One of the sheep remarks in a petulant tone that they are precisely where they belong. You guys need a sheep dog to keep you in line. Sheep... honestly, just what on earth are they good for anyway? Aside from providing the essentials for wool blankets.

8:15 AM. Stopping by the property of that cranky cat after a jaunt through the woods. And there she is, rolling around in the grass. You’ll never see a dog do that. Unless they want to, in which case, we do it with far more dignity.

8:16 AM. I bark at the cranky cat. She bolts up and spots me at the tree line.

8:17 AM. The cranky cat is striding across the lawn straight at me, hissing. Maybe she had strange dreams of a rib bone always out of reach. Maybe that explains her general state of crankiness. 

8:19 AM. The furious feline gives me a piece of her mind. Lots of accusations about my parentage, words that would make a nun gasp, and general curses and expressions of disdain. Look, all I meant to say was that you could use some tips on how to properly roll around on the lawn. You don’t have to speak like a drunken sailor, you know.

8:21 AM. The grouchy kitty bares her claws as a direct threat, ordering me away from her property. Fine, be that way. Honestly, you bark just one time to interrupt their reverie, and for some reason cats hold it against you forever. Granted, I’ve barked and startled her before on numerous occasions like that, and she does have a very long memory about things like this.

8:22 AM. Taking my leave of the property of that cranky cat. I can still hear her hissing away behind me. Note to self: cats are just way too weird for me to ever understand.

8:27 AM. On my way home. Stopping by a mud puddle. Trying to figure out whether or not I should jump in. Pros? Well, it’s a whole lot of fun. Cons? Well, that will certainly result in a session with the garden hose and a vigorous application of the Towel of Torment. What to do, what to do...

8:29 AM. Moving on past the mud puddle. My human would be proud to know I chose to refrain from my usual doggie instincts to splash around in the mud and water.

8:34 AM. Barking when I arrive at home. Human! Loki, Chewer of Slippers and Annoyance of Mailmen, has returned!

8:56 AM. Inside the living room. Turning around in a circle three times and settling down on the floor for a good nap. Sure, I’ve only been awake an hour and a half, but naps must be taken when an opportunity presents itself, after all.

12:05 PM. Waking up to the sounds of movement in the kitchen. Sounds like the human’s starting to make lunch.

12:08 PM. I have successfully mooched a couple of dinner rolls. Yum yum yum!

1:17 PM. A quick examination of the calendar confirms that this is a Saturday. Hence there shall be no mail delivery. Oh well, I’ll have to give the mailman a triple barking on Monday to make up for the fact that we won’t see him before then.

5:46 PM. The human’s baking something. Smells good. Smells like pizza. In which case, of course I approve.

6:09 PM. Settling down to dinner with the human. In addition to a bowl of kibbles, always a welcome thing, she’s cut up a couple of slices of pizza into convenient bite sized chunks for me. Human? You’re a doll.

6:31 PM. Watching the human as she does the dishes. Just in case she thinks of taking out a plate and helping herself to a second portion of pie. In which case I shall have a second portion of pie.

8:41 PM. Lying on the living room floor, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what came first: the sheep or the baa sound they make. Must have been the sheep, but who can tell with such things?

11:29 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! If you have trouble falling asleep, I’ll count sheep for you. That’s the way that expression works, right? Of course right.