Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, September 21, 2015

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Once again, it is time for the dog and cat blogs, starting, as always, with the point of view of our resident hound...

7:26 AM. Waking up suddenly. Did I hear the can opener? 

7:27 AM. Quick inspection of the kitchen. No sign of the human. I must have been dreaming about can openers. At least I assume so. I woke up so fast I can’t remember what I was dreaming about. Oh well, better luck when I have my first nap of the day.

7:39 AM. The human comes downstairs. Hello, human! How are you on this fine day? Say, just in case, you didn’t hear can openers a few minutes ago, did you?

7:42 AM. Wolfing down breakfast. Kibbles are such a good way to start the day! Yum yum yum!

7:45 AM. Say, human, how about letting me out for my morning constitutional?

7:56 AM. Running through the fields, barking my head off like a demented lunatic. Woof woof woof!

8:12 AM. Splashing around in some puddles. Enjoying myself thoroughly. Hopefully this won’t come back to haunt me in any fashion.

8:22 AM. Stopping by to pay a visit to Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:24 AM. Spike informs me that he nearly caught one of the demonic enemy last night- a squirrel just barely made it up onto the roof of his house. Another half a second and Spike would have had him. Spike, I’m curious... I know we have to hate the squirrels as much as we hate the vets, but what do we actually do if we catch one?

8:31 AM. Spike and I go our separate ways, promising to keep each other up to date on any squirrel sightings or the presence of the mail man.

8:47 AM. Back home. Barking a greeting. The human comes out on the deck and sees me. She sighs with dismay. Oh, you mean the slightly muddy quality to my fur? Well, there were these puddles, you see, and well, in my defense, I am a dog...

8:49 AM. Being subjected to the cold, cold water of the garden hose. How dreadfully unfair! And it’s not over yet... the Towel of Torment will certainly be next.

8:51 AM. The human is done with me. I shake myself vigorously to deal with the water. There! Now there’s no need for the Towel of Torment, human!

8:52 AM. Despite my assurances, the human is subjecting me to the Towel of Torment.

8:57 AM. Back inside. Time for a good nap. I’ve earned it. Human? If you could keep an eye out on the yard, I’d appreciate you letting me know if you see any squirrels.

11:29 AM. Waking up from my nap. Oh good, I haven’t missed lunch yet.

12:16 PM. I have successfully mooched a couple of dinner rolls from the human. Yum yum yum!

2:28 PM. The human is out in the barn. I have already accomplished my barking at the passing of the evil mailman for this day.

2:36 PM. Looking through a book on superstitions. Why do people think black cats are unlucky? In my experience, all cats are unlucky. Particularly when they’re in a cranky mood. Humans can be very silly.

2:46 PM. Looking out the front window. Wait a minute... there’s that infernal squirrel! And I’m stuck inside! Why didn’t I go outside with the human when I had a chance? Woof woof woof! Hey! You! I’m barking at you!

2:48 PM. The little bastard is just sitting out there on the lawn, twirling those little demonic paws, laughing at me. He knows I can’t get out, and he’s laughing at me. Oh, how I despise you, squirrel! I despise you! Barking my head off. The squirrel is still laughing at me. One of these days, squirrel, you’re going to get what’s coming to you, you little bastard... and guess what? I’ll be there.

3:04 PM. The human comes inside. Human! Let me out! If there’s any chance I can still get that squirrel, I have to take it!

3:06 PM. The human won’t let me out. She mentions passing by a chattering squirrel on her way in. Human! They’re not cute! They’re demonic little monsters

6:03 PM. The human is busy making dinner. I'm enjoying the smell of cooking food.

6:23 PM. Having dinner with the human. Pancakes taste so yummy!

11:35 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! I’ll keep a close eye on things from down here. If that squirrel shows up on the windowsill tonight, I’ll bark so loud they’ll hear it twenty kilometres away.


  1. The 'dead cat ploy' gets me every time too.
    Jane x

  2. Indiana Bones?

    That beast ate Grumpy Cat? Say it isn't so!

  3. That grumpy dog might give Grumpy Cat a run for his money.

  4. Grumpy dog looks like Samuel L. Jackson. LOL

  5. @Lynn: they're a cute bunch of rotties!

    @Jane and Chris: and it's such a good trick.

    @Norma: the beast looks like he could have!

    @Kelly: indeed!

    @Diane: oh yes!

  6. Love the I hate grumpy dog cat. He's rather scary.

  7. These have always been hilarious, but now that I have a dog they make me laugh all the harder :)

  8. Ha, that's funny. (Cover your weiner! LOL)The towel of torment!-Very funny! Pinky is always chasing the fat squirrel that eats our garden tomatoes but Fiona just yawns and acts bored. She's way above chasing any disgusting squirrel.

  9. I hate Grumpy Cat was the best! Cuteness almost won, but it was too obvious.

  10. @Whisk: thanks!

    @Shelly: he is!

    @Meradeth: thank you!

    @Eve: the Towel of Torment is dreaded by Loki the hound!

    @Mari: thank you!

  11. I've been out of town on business for a few days. I missed my dog a lot. Turns out, she missed me, too! A LOT. It's so great to be greeted with all that love.

  12. Thanks William. I enjoy starting my day off with these.

  13. As usual a great post.
    The first little cutie pie is a huge winner what a face.
    Who wouldn't want to see that face every morning.

    cheers, parsnip


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.