Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, January 31, 2015

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And where we have our dog's point of view, as always we must hear from the cat. Cats, of course, being the ultimate form of life on the planet, and far beyond the lowly humans who serve them....

7:46 AM. Waking up. Dreamed of endless supplies of catnip. 

7:48 AM. The staff comes downstairs. Staff, I'm expecting breakfast post haste, don't you dare disappoint me...

7:50 AM. The staff disappoints me yet again with yet another bowl full of field rations. Sigh. Staff, what am I to do with you?

8:20 AM. I demand in the loudest way that the staff let me out for a walk. Yes, I am aware it is snowing. Don't go anywhere. I will only be a few minutes.

8:36 AM. Sniffing the falling snow. Everything is peaceful and serene and calm. Nothing can possibly shatter such a tranquil mo...

8:37 AM. Practically jumping out of my fur at the sound of a loud bark from behind me. I sprint at top speed for the house and safety. Only when I'm there do I turn back and see him at the property line.

It's that annoying mutt from down the road. You vile beast! You did that on purpose!

8:39 AM. The staff lets me back inside. Staff, I swear to Isis, we have to do something about that dog. Do we know any hit-ferrets?

8:43 AM. Settling down for a nap. Let the snow continue to fall. I'm nice and toasty warm by the fireplace. I need some sleep. It's only been an hour since I woke up, after all. I'll dream of revenge against that infernal mutt.

11:30 AM. Waking up from nap. Feeling peckish.

11:34 AM. With much reluctance, I eat some of the field rations.

11:56 AM. Staring out at the falling snow. Too bad it won't bury that annoying dog.

12:25 PM. My hearing catches a couple of odd things. The staff's microwave stops before it's supposed to. The furnace seems to go off. Oh, no, don't tell me we're getting a power outage? Again?

Staff, call the hydro people immediately! I want the power back up in time for supper!

12:29 PM. The staff is on the phone with the hydro people. For some reason she's not stressing the importance of my dinner. 

12:33 PM. The staff informs me the hydro will come on when the problem's sorted out. Oh, come on, you actually believe anything those people say to you? You have to play hardball with these people, staff. You have to be mean and surly!

1:15 PM. Staring out at the snow. Honestly, how long does it take to fix a power outage? I mean, you've got one guy doing the work and ten guys standing around drinking coffee and talking about it. If the power's not back on in time for me to have a nice dinner, there will be hell to pay...

1:35 PM. The staff's in the kitchen. I peer in to see what she's up to, and she's got the milk out. Good idea, staff, that might go bad if the power stays off too long, so I think we're going to have to drink it all just to be safe. You get twenty percent of it and I get eighty percent of it. Does that sound fair?

1:37 PM. Having a bowl of milk. Yes, this does taste better than that breakfast the staff persistently puts in front of me, but it doesn't make up for the fact that the power is still off.

Maybe I should take a nap. I mean, with the fireplace, at least it's still warm in here. 

4:49 PM. Waking up from nap. Oh, for the love of Isis, is the power still off?

4:52 PM. Finding the staff getting candles ready. Staff, I want you to phone the hydro people again and give them hell. I can't do it, because they don't speak Cat and I won't lower myself to speak English.

4:54 PM. For some reason the staff isn't calling the hydro people. Staff, what are you planning on doing if this power outage continues past supper? Because I'm suggesting you retain a lawyer to file a lawsuit against the hydro company for inconveniencing me.

6:05 PM. The staff seems resigned to the power not coming back on in time for supper, so she's making herself some sandwiches. Yes, well, what about me?

6:17 PM. Well, this might be roughing it, but still acceptable. The staff has given me another bowl of milk and a good sized plate of some meat and slices of cheese. Okay, staff, you can make do in a crisis, but I still say we raise hell with the hydro company.

8:35 PM. Hour Eight of the Great January Blackout Ordeal. Still no sign of the power coming back on. I'm staring at candles flickering. Kind of mesmerizing, actually. 

9:26 PM. Staff? In case the power never comes back on again, you do realize we might be in a Donner Party situation, right? In which case you are obligated to be my food source.

10:15 PM. Staring up at the grandfather clock as it ticks on. I wonder why they call them grandfather clocks.

Come on! I could have fixed this power outage hours ago!

10:48 PM. All of a sudden out of nowhere the power comes back on. A couple of lights come on, the furnace and the fridge start back up. The staff smiles and starts blowing out candles.


Say, staff, how about cooking us a proper dinner now that we've got the power back up?


  1. I like the stoner cat...and of course, the Grumpy One!

  2. I'd comment,but I have cats to attend to.
    Jane x

  3. Somehow cats always make out just fine during power outages. After all, they get the pick of the fridge!

    Love the catnip stoned cat!

  4. Donate blood. All of it. I will chuckle all day. Thanks Grumpy Cat.

  5. Wow, no wonder they're getting field rations!

  6. @Norma: Grumpy's too cute for her own good.

    @Jane and Chris: and they are stern taskmasters!

    @Cheryl: they certainly do!

    @Lynn: she's such a cutie!

    @Eve: awful field rations, too!

  7. Aw what a great collection and you can be sure I may "steal" one or two of these on appropriate occasions. I've got to be sure Lois Anne looks at them. We're a little cat nuts here!

  8. My cat's pupils are always dilated. Always! Maybe she's paranoid like that kitty. ;)

  9. OCD cat!!! I love me some OCD cat. :)

  10. Hehe...great kitties! Loved the post!

  11. Hahahaha. The close enough goal of getting out of bed. Love it.

  12. The captions on the kitty pics were hilarious this time.


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