Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, March 2, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

8:05 AM. Waking up. It seems I've slept in. No sound of the human upstairs yet. Will give her a few minutes. Then I'll expect breakfast as promptly as possible.

8:10 AM. Staring out front window. Looking for any trace of my hated enemy, that annoying squirrel. Lots and lots of snow. You know, I do love the winter, but I'm starting to wonder if we're just skipping over spring, summer, and fall this year and going right back into winter....

8:20 AM. Ah, the human is stirring upstairs. Good, I was just about to go on up and lick the bottom of her feet. That always works getting her awake.

8:35 AM. The human comes downstairs. Good morning, human. How about some breakfast? I've been ever so patient, you know...

8:40 AM. Kibbles!!!!! Yum yum yum! Human, have I told you how much I love you lately?

8:42 AM. After wolfing down my breakfast inside of thirty seconds, it's time for me to go out on my run. And I think I've got a question or two to ask of a neighbour while I'm at it. Human, will you let me out?

8:43 AM. Out the door! Sprinting like a mad man, rushing headlong into the snow, wagging my tail. Oh boy!!!!

9:25 AM. Have made my way over to the residence of Spike, or Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels, as he's best known by. He's outside by the barn. Of course we must greet each other by sniffing at the hindquarters. It's the only way we can be sure we are who we say we are.

9:30 AM. Spike and I confer on the chances of spring turning up anytime soon. Spike remarks on the whole groundhog day thing a month ago and how some humans seem to put their faith in a cranky prognosticating rodent to determine weather conditions. We agree that it seems silly.

We also agree that spring is unlikely in the next few days. The picnic table in the back yard at Spike's place is still completely buried in snow, after all.

9:50 AM. Have bid farewell to Spike, and am once more off on my way. Still hoping for spring. I like the melting snow. Makes for good rolling around and getting filthy conditions. The human seems to disapprove, for some strange reason.

10:05 AM. Have encountered that cat who lives nearby while on my rounds. Will attempt to make friends with the cat for the seven hundredth time. I'm sure they understand that wagging tails mean we're friendly, right?

10:06 AM. My attempts at civility have been met with a swipe of her claws across my snout. Owwwww!!! What is it with cats, anyway?

10:20 AM. Have returned home after extended patrols, wondering why cats are just so stand-offish with dogs, and some rolling around in the snow. Human tut-tuts as she lets me inside.

10:25 AM. Lying by the fireplace after the human used the Towel of Torment to dry me off. Feels nice and toasty warm in here....

12:15 PM. Waking up from nap. Human sounds to be in the kitchen.

Hey, it's lunchtime!

12:17 PM. Giving my patented sad eyes look to the human, who's making sandwiches. Come on, human, look at me. I'd be ever so happy if I got a slice or two of bread.

Just as long as it doesn't involve liverwurst and peanut butter. I don't know how you can stomach the combination. On their own, they're fine... but on the same sandwich???

12:19 PM. The human gives me a cheese sandwich. Yum yum yum!!!!!

2:35 PM. Waking up from another nap. Feeling like I'm being watched. Looking around. Hey, it's that annoying squirrel. On my front windowsill.  Chattering like a demented lunatic. Squirrels do that all the time. Why, if it wasn't for that pane of glass...

Must start barking loudly.

2:36 PM. Human lets me out. I charge through the door. I must destroy my enemy.

2:37 PM. Pacing angrily at base of tree. Squirrel's up on a branch. Just where I can't get to him. Chattering away incessantly in that squeaky high pitched nonsense that they always do. I think that little punk is laughing at me.

3:45 PM. Returning inside after an hour of pacing around the tree. The squirrel is still up there, completely unphased by my furious barking.

One of these days....

3:46 PM. Have been subjected once more to the Towel of Torment. Human tells me she's not looking forward to the spring, when I'll be coming home all muddy.

But human, that's the fun part!

4:15 PM. Human having tea. Have managed to mooch a scone from her. Yum yum yum!

6:20 PM. Human making dinner. Smells good. I have no idea what it is yet, but it smells good. Hopefully my sad eyes look allows for some successful mooching.

6:35 PM. Human tells me that omelette is a little too messy for a dog to eat. Gives me bowl of kibbles, but adds some strips of meat to it she's been cooking. Yummy yummy yummy....

6:50 PM. Watching human eating omelette. Will have to concede that I probably would make a mess of it. I can still remember that time she let me have an egg salad sandwich. We were finding bits of egg salad under the couch and behind the bookcase for three weeks afterwards...

11:30 PM. Long evening seems to be at an end. Human bids me good night. Good night, human. Sweet dreams.

If the squirrel comes back tonight, I'll bark up a storm and drive him off. Just so you know in advance.


  1. I think you should do A Day in the Life of a Squirrel!

    I'm with the dog. Liverwurst and peanut butter? Ewwwwww!

    Our dog loved spaghetti. Now THAT was messy!

  2. Sniffing hindquarters = the "secret handshake." Great post!

  3. My daughter's 125 pound Rottweiler thought he was a lap dog. Such a gentle beast. The dog was right. Peanut butter & liverwurst do not mix.

  4. Ah how sweet. If I'm going to be ousted from your blog this is definitely the way to go. I mean Irish sweaters on German wiener dogs and your cute story about the enemy? How can I not love this?

  5. Love the Irish setter and the wannabe Irish setter!

    You'd think a dog would learn about cats after a few claw swipes!

  6. Loved your whole commentary William ! Will be sharing your link on the Checkerboard Aussies Blog & FB page. Happy Weekend.

  7. Some of those are big, ass dogs! I want the baby bulldog. :D

  8. How is it that the dog's owner is more subjective to the dog's sad puppy eye look, than the cat with it's owner? Do a swap the owners. I wonder how that would work? Probably not.

    So, okay, liverworst and peanutbutter, I would not want to be around that human 30 min. later. Yesh!!!

  9. I want that baby Bulldog, too. Then I can teach him to ride a surfboard!

  10. @Norma: A Day In The Life Of A Squirrel? Hmmm... and I can see how spaghetti would get sloppy with dogs!

    @Gina: it seemed entirely appropriate!

    @Mari: it's a waste of perfectly good peanut butter!

    @Eve: can the dog ever triumph over the annoying little squirrel?

    @Cheryl: apparently this one doesn't take a hint!

    @Cindy: I'll look for it!

    @Diane: isn't that little one so cute?

    @Lorelei: well, these two humans do live close together, after all...

    @Deb: I can see him doing that!

  11. Hi dog, need any help disemboweling a rodent....we're your cats.
    The REAL Maple Syrup Mob

  12. "I was jumping, but I'd fell asleep"! Hahahahahaha! Oh . . . great post. Have two dogs, so can kind of relate. :D

  13. I sent this to daughter, Waldie will be pleased with your choice of photos. Especially the Frisbee one.

    I am with Norma, I can see you post a Day In The Life Of A Squirrel !

    Third from the bottom looks like and something thehamish would do.

    cheers, parsnip

  14. Poor doggie! Looks like you barked for over an hour and still the squirrel got away! Awwww! And you never even got an omellete as compensation! Nevermind! At least you got a scone! Take care

  15. I just love your doggie pics. Especially the puppy asleep on the tub ledge.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  16. I've got one of those lap dogs at home- a 140 pound Mastiff!

  17. @The Real Maple Syrup Mob: the dog will get back to you!

    @Kimberly: thank you!

    @Parsnip: I'll definitely have to do a Day In The Life Of A Squirrel...

    @Old Kitty: My kingdom for a scone!

    @Shelly: thank you!

    @Lynn: And I'll bet that pup's a cutie!

  18. That lap dog pic reminds me of Emma. I swear the bigger she gets, the more she jumps on top of things (and people) that are way too small for her!

  19. That huge protective mastiff cracked me up! They're all awesome of course (sorry, west coast in me coming out:) The dogs taking over that couple's bed is darn classic too!

  20. Another fun post, William! I've never figured it out, but regardless of how good the quality or how much the money, dogs and cats have to pile in bed with their humans, LOL.

    Did you see Atila on Animal Planet, recently named the cutest kittie around? Ohhhhhh, I melted!

  21. Those pics of the Great Danes brought back memories! We raised one (a Harlequin) from a pup when I was in High school. He loved to sit in my mom's lap--when he was full grown!

  22. @Krisztina: force of habit on her part!

    @LondonLulu: thank you!

    @Kittie: no, I didn't. I'll have to see if I can find it.

    @Maria: I do love Great Danes!

  23. I always enjoy these. I know they probably take a fair amount of time to gather all the cartoons.


  24. @Christine: it does, but it seems to take more time to write the text!


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