Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, March 23, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:45 AM. Awake and feeling hungry. Granted, I'm often hungry. Hmm, so where's my human? Awake yet? No sound from upstairs. Will wait dutifully for ten minutes. Then might feel the need to bark my head off.

7:50. Looking outside. It is supposed to be spring, right? According to the calendar, yes. So why are we still buried in snow? And why is it snowing even more?

And the bigger question: can I get out there and run like a demented lunatic in it as quickly as possible?

7:55 AM. The human turns up downstairs. Good morning, human! I'm just raring to go, and by the way, if it's not too much trouble, how about a bit of breakfast? I'd be ever so happy to have something to munch on.

8:00 AM. The human feeds me kibbles. Delicious! I am, of course, obliged to wolf them down as if there'll be no tomorrow....

8:05 AM. Whining at back door. Human lets me out. I sprint out into the snow like I'm running from a fire. Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

8:20 AM. Running through the fields. No sign of robins. Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels, often says that robins are a surefire sign of spring. Instead I am met by vast fields of white snow covering everything. Oh well. Who knows how long it might last? Might as well enjoy it while it's here. Spring will be here soon enough, and I can get to rolling around in muddy puddles when that happens....

8:35 AM. Continuing my morning constitutional. I wonder if it was just one of his tall tales when Twain said he'd seen 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours of spring....

8:55 AM. Hey, what's that up ahead? Is that the annoying squirrel I hate so much?

It is! I'm going to get him! Bark bark bark!!!

8:56 AM. The devious little bastard made it up a tree. Chattering away, taunting me from that branch. Why you annoying little punk, when I get my paws on you....

8:59 AM. Is that little bastard giving me the finger?????

9:03 AM. Circling around the tree. Squirrel continues his high pitched chattering. I don't speak squirrel, dummy, but I know you're taunting me. Consider yourself lucky you're not down here...

9:25 AM. How long can I stay here? Do I have enough patience? Or will my rumbling tummy and my incessant need for a snack drive me back off towards home? The devious little bastard is laughing at me...

10:15 AM. Okay, that's enough. Time to go home. I've been barking at the devious little bastard and circling this tree for over an hour. He's not coming down. One day, you little punk. One day. You'll pay. Oh, will you pay...

10:16 AM. I can hear the devious little bastard chattering away as I walk off. He's still laughing at me. I absolutely hate squirrels....

10:25 AM. Back home. In a foul mood. Have I mentioned I hate squirrels? The human greets me, and despite my foul mood, I wag my tail. Then she takes out the Towel of Torment.

10:28 AM. Reasonably dried off. Lying by the fireplace. Might take a nap. Will dream of finally getting my paws on that devious little bastard.

12:10 PM. Waking up. The human is making lunch in the kitchen. Oh, good! I can mooch something off her.

12:15 PM. Have successfully swindled the human into giving me a couple of bread rolls. With cheese and smoked meat. Yummy! Human, have I mentioned lately how much I love you? Even if you do occasionally wield the Towel of Torment?

12:20 PM. Back in living room... but very puzzled. Was the human redecorating while I was napping? What's with all the paper eggs on the windows? And why is there a bunny theme all over the place? Human, you do have a way of confusing me, you know...

12:30 PM. Consulting calendar. Ah, that would explain it. Apparently Easter is in a few days. That explains the eggs and bunny theme. Humans are quite peculiar.

12:45 PM. Musing on what Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor Of Squirrels once told me. He says some humans worship someone who rose from the dead, and that's what Easter is about. That and chocolate bunnies. I wonder if the whole rising from the dead thing means he was a cat. They do have nine lives, after all.

2:10 PM. Human? Do I get a chocolate bunny? I know, I know, everyone says it's bad for me, but you like chocolate....

6:35 PM. Human making dinner. Manage to give her my patented mooching eyes sad look. She gives right in and gives me a few strips of meat. Yummy yummy yummy. Human, I'll just say it. You're good people.

10:55 PM. Human turning in for the night. Good night, human. You know, if you want to, you could leave the chocolate bunnies for me to guard. I'd be ever so careful with the bunnies. You can trust me, human.


Hey, human?

Curses. She can see right through me.


  1. Okay, I'll bite (pun intended)--why do they all look like Afghan hounds (except Einstein)?

    I could use one of those Swiffer dogs....

  2. Cute , pretty much what we go through every day with our Miggs ! Have a good day !

  3. Between the Towel of torment and the squirrels there is no rest for the wicked. Sorry, good doggy.

  4. Pugs seem to be coming into my social media life these days. That pug and pumpkin pie is just crazy cute. :)

  5. Lexus is fixated with Squirrels. Shared to the Checkerboard Aussies' FB page.

  6. Dogs are dumb!
    The REAL Maple Syrup Mob

  7. @Country Gal: thank you!

    @Eve: poor pup!

    @Diane: isn't it?

    @Cindy: I remember watching a dog once stalk a squirrel like you see a lion stalking prey: silently and slowly. Most dogs bark their heads off in full charge. I'll come over and have a look!

    @The Real Maple Syrup Mob: they are silly critters, aren't they?

  8. Loved the afghan hound pics.
    Worried about the easter bunnies though. Tried to talk my husband into getting me one. Nope. I couldn't do the sad puppy dog eyed thing I guess.
    Great post, William as always!

  9. A much needed laugh today. I just love this gud dug !

    cheers, parsnip

  10. Love the back seat driver pic. I can't imagine my dog staying out in the snow that long. He's more of a sofa snuggles kind of guy.

  11. Haha! I'm never allowed to 'guard' the chocolate either..I can't imagine why :)

  12. @Lorelei: the easter bunnies are much too tempting, aren't they?

    @Parsnip: thank you!

    @Karla: apparently this doggie I've created likes the stuff... even if he is impatient for spring.

    @Grace: it tastes too good, so...

    @M.R.: isn't he cute?

  13. OMG, the photos of dogs and humans cracked me up. But, I must say, all looked very nice.

  14. Enjoyed looking at all these photos! Cute!

  15. It's been a while since I saw an Afghan hound, but this made up for it, haha! I am dying over the human and dog comparisons, eerily exact:)

  16. I've always heard people pick out pets that favor themselves!

  17. The celebrity lookalike ones are awesome!

  18. That squirrel really does have it coming....

  19. One question. Where can I get one of those Ninja outfits for Arthur? Is training involved, or does having the outfit on do the trick? I only ask because Arthur is a little bit afraid of some things, like thunder storms and the ice cube maker, for example. So I'm just wondering how much protection he might be, even with the ninja gear, without additional training.

  20. @Kittie: thank you!

    @Nas: aren't they?

    @LondonLulu: I figured the Sam Elliot one would have gotten me in trouble!

    @Cheryl: I've heard that too!

    @Kelly: thanks!

    @Scarlett and James: in spades, yes...

    @Christine: he'd need years of training!


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