Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Why Can't We Have A Pope Daffy?

"And in my first act as the successor to Saint Pete, the Fisherman, the proverbial Bishop of Rome.... by the way, what's a Bishop of Rome pull in a year? In my first act, I'll hereby declare that across the world, it'll be rabbit season every day of the year, or wabbit season, as Elmer would say. That'll teach Bugs a lesson or two. No more of that confusing me by yelling Duck Season! Wabbit Season! over and over again. You know, that really gets me annoyed. I'm yelling Wabbit Season, he yells, Duck Season, and I start off on Wabbit Season, and he keeps going on Duck Season, until inevitably I'm stumbling over my words and yelling, "Duck Season! Fire!!!!" ~ Pope Daffy, moments before the opening of Swiss Guard gunfire.

"You're despicable." ~ Pope Daffy, seconds after the opening of Swiss Guard gunfire

"Okay, how long can we goof off until we actually have to get around to electing a Pope? And wouldn't this conclave be so much easier if we just settled it with a few games of high stakes billiards?" ~ unnamed Cardinal, Vatican City, March 2013

After Benedict (otherwise known as Darth Palpatine) decided to call it a day, I did a blog on the turn of events, fully expecting there would be another one with the Conclave and the choosing of another Pope. And I assumed that I'd be doing a few thousand more hail marys for it. You might want to step back; you don't want to attract the lightning that'll probably be coming my way, do you?

The editorial cartoonists of the world have continued to have a field day since last we did one of these, playing around with Benedict himself, the bizarre nature of the Conclave, and the new Pope, Francis of Argentina. Strangely enough, the Pope I wrote into my manuscript turned out to be a South American too.


And so we have a new Pope. Who just happens to look like Paul Shaffer of the Letterman show. Or Woody Allen. Or Peter Sellers in Doctor Strangelove. Or Jonathan Pryce. You could set up a drinking game based on this: Who Does The Pope Look Like? Pour yourself a shot everytime a player names someone else Pope Francis looks like.

In closing, I'll leave you with some of the other also-rans for the papacy. We're lucky some of them missed getting the job. And by some, I mean most of them.


  1. Pope Grumpy Cat gets my vote! She'd be the first female Pope, the first feline Pope AND the first American Pope!

    By the way, love your message to spammers. I'm really fed up with them myself....

  2. Daffy totally looks like a priest! Do you remember the ones where Porky Pig IS a priest? Hilarious. :)

  3. Funny... but what are Timbits (donuts?) and Roll up the rim coffees ?
    Cheney or Rambo might be good, just start blasting the bad guys you never know might help.

    cheers, parsnip

  4. @Norma: Grumpy Cat would be so good in the job!

    @EJ: I think I've seen it, yes!

    @Parsnip: it's too Canadian a reference, I think. Timbits are doughnut hole sort of treats from Tim Hortons, and the coffee comes from there too. Roll up the rim to win is the concept. Usually involves winning another coffee.

  5. The "We've been hacked," made me laugh. I'd forgotten most of the old cartoons. Sigh!

  6. Grumpy Cat gets my vote!

    Why do they pick really old men to be the Pope anyway?

    And what is the point?

    Hugs and chocolate,

  7. Grumpy Cat shoulda won it! LOL!! Awwww!! Grumpy Cat trumps all!!


    Take care

  8. William, you are in so much trouble....

  9. I always thought Daffy looked like a priest. :)
    And how did I know you'd get a cat pope in this post?

  10. Fun post! Just imagining how would Mr Bean conduct the Pope business...

  11. Grumpy Cat looks!

    Can't help wondering if hackers really did get into the smoke and they had to choose someone fast so as not to seem ridiculous!

    And I'm with Shelly! The new Pope's like 76 and has one lung? How long before the stress gets to him, too?

  12. I'm at a loss but I think I have insurance against stray lightning.

  13. Might as well be Mr. Bean for pope, at least he'll amuse:) Fantastic array of comics today!

  14. Those evil dudes from the Da Vinci Code are probably coming after you!

  15. Mr. Bean is too funny as pope! Could that be a movie?

  16. @Mari: I've been watching some of them as of late...

    @Shelly: I have no idea!

    @Grace: catch a tiger by the toe...

    @Old Kitty: she certainly does!

    @Scarlett and James: I know, I know...

    @Kelly: I must be me!

    @Nas: it would be a disaster!

    @Cheryl: Grumpy Cat does have the dignity down pat!

    @Eve: you might need that insurance!

    @Lulu: thank you!

    @Deb: I'm in so much trouble!

    @Maria: paging Rowan Atkinson!

  17. Well all this hoo rah made me laugh all over again at Father Guido's Find the Pope in the Pizza spot on SNL. Gotta love that guy!

  18. @Virginia: I'll have to look up Father Guido!


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