Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, March 25, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Before getting started today, a bit of business to see to in the form of two links. Over at her blog today, my partner in crime Norma is asking the question about what happened to the spring. Second, at our joint blog, our alter egos Scarlett and James talk about an entirely different use for certain classic adult pleasure toys. Obviously we do get naughty! Check them both out, comment, and let us know what you think!

Now, on with the mischief at hand....

8:05 AM. The staff decides it's perfectly acceptable to get up out of bed before I am prepared to get up. She shifts from underneath me and rises to her feet. Staff, I was perfectly comfortable lying on your stomach and the covers, and you dare alter that?

Staff? Staff? Hey, don't you walk into that bathroom when I'm glaring at you.

8:10 AM. Downstairs. Looking out window. Dismayed by amount of snow outside. I was under the impression this was supposed to be the spring, and yet here we are, still buried in snow. Note to self: have the weather people beaten up. They are the most ineffective staff there is in the world.

8:25 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. Don't think I haven't forgotten what you did, staff. Getting up before I'm ready to get up is a serious mark against you as a staff. Now, breakfast time, since I'm awake. Get moving, staff. No time for yawning.

8:30 AM. Once again the staff gives me field rations. How many times have I told you, staff, I am deserving of much better cuisine than this?

8:32 AM. With much reluctance, I eat some of the field rations. After glaring at the staff.

8:56 AM. Looking out window at endless snow. Hearing the muffled barking of a dog. Recognize it as that idiot dog from that farm. Always wanting to make friends. Why doesn't he understand I don't like him? I wonder if he's barking at something or just his usual barking at everything he sees like a lunatic?

9:35 AM. The barking continues somewhere in the distance. Wherever he is, he's in one place, implying he's chased something up a tree. Fortunately mutts, being a lower species, cannot climb trees.

10:15 AM. The barking seems to have stopped. Maybe the dog gave up. Meanwhile, the staff is disrupting my home yet again. Putting up egg and rabbit cutouts on windows, placing the same sort of motif in decorations around the house. I must investigate this. Besides, she's just put down a baby chick figurine on the table, and we can't have that in my house, can we?

10:20 AM. Consulting calendar. Ah, that explains it. Easter is turning up in a few days. The combination of religious holiday and chocolate egg and chocolate rabbit eating binge that humans seem to celebrate. Humans are a strange species. The staff looks puzzled to see me staring at the calendar. What?

10:55 AM. Staff displeased with my swatting the baby chick figurine on the table. Staff, if you weren't putting down inviting targets on my table for me to swat, what reason would you have put them there in the first place?

11:05 AM. Staff has put figurines behind glass cases. Out of my reach. Oh, for opposable thumbs....

1:10 PM. Awake from nap. Even more decorations strewn up all over the place. Staff, you did not clear this with me. I am most dismayed.

1:17 PM. Squirrel on outside windowsill staring in at me. It's that annoying little bastard I hate so much. Pouncing on windowsill. Growling and hissing. Staff! I demand you let me out this instant!

1:20 PM. Staff opens back door. Unlike my usual tendencies to carefully check for cold weather and hesitate to step out, I am in full sprint mode.

1:21 PM. There he is! That annoying little bastard! Beginning all out pursuit. I have you now!!!!

1:22 PM. Squirrel has made it to a tree. Fortunately, I can climb trees. Say your prayers, squirrel....

1:23 PM. Oh, rats. He's out on a branch that's too thin for my weight. Just staring back at me and sneering. I hate you, you do realize that, you annoying little bastard?

1:25 PM. Blast! Foiled again! The annoying little bastard has leapt to another branch and scrambled down the tree. Growling and hissing at him. And um... I think I'm stuck.

1:45 PM. Still stuck in tree. To quote a member of the Fantastic Four... what a revoltin' development this is.

2:25 PM. Okay, look. The staff has no idea I'm up here. If she did, she'd have called the fire department already. She does tend to do that from time to time when I get stuck somewhere. I suspect it has more to do with her eye for what she calls hunky firemen. I don't really see the attraction, but then as I've said before, humans are a strange species.

It can't be that hard to get out of this tree, right?

2:30 PM. Somewhere that annoying little bastard is laughing at me. I just know he is. Keep laughing, nuts for brains. Someday, you'll be cornered where you can't escape. Then you'll be all mine.

3:10 PM. Carefully backing my way down the tree. This of course will not be dignified. Have to hope no one's photographing this.

3:15 PM. Back inside. Staff asks where I've been. Well, staff, if you'd looked outside, you would have had a chance to call the fire department and get a chance to spend some time with a bunch of guys you seem to find irresistable. Must be the abs.

6:10 PM. Waking up from nap. Staff making dinner. Nice smells. I do believe lamb is somehow involved.

6:12 PM. Staring at staff while she's preparing dinner. Staff, I have had a most unpleasant day, and it would speak well of you to spoil me rotten. Do I have to resort to the rubbing my head against your leg trick while purring? I know that gets you to do just about everything I want....

6:15 PM. Have resorted to the purring and head rub against the staff's legs trick. Works everytime. The staff gives me a plate of meat and some milk. Most enjoyable, staff. The lamb tastes exquisite. Makes up for the field rations this morning, not to mention your getting up out of bed before I was ready.

10:55 PM. Staff yawning. Time for bed soon, no doubt. Weather channel predicts more snow. And this is supposed to be spring?

Maybe that annoying little bastard will get buried by an avalanch. It would serve him right.


  1. Love the ninja guards and the Purresident's secret service protectors!

    And he was definitely smart to back down that tree.

  2. LOL at Thriller and finding Jesus! (Though Purresident's protectors was excellent too.) If only all my Mondays started out with a laugh:)

  3. There's a Lego Grumpy Cat? I want one!

  4. We can't have a nativity scene at Christmas because we don't want to see baby Jesus have seven bells of crap knocked out of him.
    Jane x

  5. I guess if Fiona could climb a tree she'd be similar to a cat.

  6. OMG! Ninja kittes. They all looked like my Boo kitty I once had.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  7. Hahaha! Thriller cat got Michael beat. Awesome. :D

  8. I love all the pictures I can't pick a favorite!

  9. I'd love to know where this Spring thing is and how I can drag it kicking and screaming to where I'm living. Enough with the snow! And more cats :)

  10. The first on terrified me, but I want to cuddle tiny cat. :)

  11. @Cheryl: kitties don't like going down headfirst, after all...

    @Lulu: thank you!

    @Norma: I can imagine many would want that!

    @Jane and Chris: Cats would do that!

    @Eve: well, she is a diva!

    @Shelly: aren't ninja kitties cute?

    @Diane: thanks!

    @Deb: quite a conundrum!

    @Meradeth: wait til you see my next blog!

    @Kelly: tiny kitty might be the most dangerous. Cute kitties get the lowly humans to do anything...

  12. Oh no it was definitely the 'I need coffee' that I related to so well haha! You really do find the best photos William, such fun :)

  13. Sorry. I don't do cats, don't 'get' cats, unless you're talking about the musical 'Cats' which I thoroughly enjoyed when my son's school performed it. However, if someone deposited a kitten at my door, I might have to change my position regarding cats.

  14. @Grace: thank you!

    @Scarlett and James: he'd have it coming!

    @Christine: they have a way of charming us lowly humans right where they want us...


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