Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

7:45 AM. Waking up. Oh, I feel so very stuffed. As if I've eaten more than I can possibly eat. Not feeling like moving around. Vaguely hearing staff moving around upstairs.

7:50 AM. Faint aftertaste of maple syrup and apple in my mouth. Oh, that's right. Yes. Pancake Tuesday was last night. For some reason I demanded the staff give me some. For some reason the staff complied.

And I think I had too much.

So good, but so stuffing!

8:05 AM. Staff on way out door for the day. Tells me she's set breakfast out for me. Gives me a rub on my tummy, and she's off.

I think I'll skip breakfast. For the next ten days.

9:10 AM. Lying on my back, dozing off the feast from last night, contemplating the meaning of existance.

And whether or not I could get the staff to cook some liver in with the pancake mix. That would make it even better next time.

Next time? After being so stuffed this time?

10:55 AM. Finally feeling up to moving about. Checking into kitchen.

Sure enough, the staff left me field rations in the bowl.

Well, considering how stuffed I feel, I'll just leave those completely alone...

11:15 AM. Staring out window. Watching birds out in the snow. I can't even think of them as flying meals at the moment. Not until I feel hungry...

11:25 AM. Somewhere out there, I hear the barking of a dog. I wonder if it's that idiot from down the road. Had a run in with that nitwit yesterday...

11:55 AM. Have logged into the staff's computer. Checking around on meaning of Pancake Tuesday and Ash Wednesday. Humans are indeed strange and inexplicable creatures with their traditions. I mean, who wants their forehead rubbed with soot?

12:10 PM. Why are all these lowly humans posting funny pictures of their cats on Facebook? Particularly without our approval?

I must bring this up in consultation with my fellow overlord felines of the world post haste.

12:55 PM. Still not feeling peckish. More or less feeling like a nap.

2:55 PM. Waking up from dreams of being lost in the land of giant pancakes. Got drizzled by maple syrup and butter. Felt very real.

That's it. No more pancakes. Ever again.

3:05 PM. Well, maybe next time the staff makes pancakes, I can limit myself to just two.

3:45 PM. Feeling sluggish. And still getting the aftertaste of maple syrup in my mouth.

So good, but very lingering...

4:55 PM. Looking outside. Have spotted very large bird walking through back yard.

Is that a turkey?

5:05 PM. Turkey seems oblivious to fact that I'm watching. Bird seems content to peck around in the snow and amble along. Turkey, you did not receive my express permission to trespass on my property. You will leave immediately or I will give you a stern glaring.

5:10 PM. Turkey stops near the window. For the first time, it seems to see me. The bird looks confused. Turkeys are like that a lot.

5:15 PM. Turkey finally leaves, gobbling up a storm of nonsensical noises.

5:55 PM. The staff arrives at home. It's about time, staff. I've been all by my lonesome all day. I expect to be waited on hand and foot, but you insist on going off to that silly "work" thing you always talk about.

6:05 PM. Staff remarks on my not touching the field rations all day. Staff, I'll have you know that I got entirely too stuffed on pancakes last night, so I haven't felt particularly hungry today.

Besides, it's field rations!

6:20 PM. Staff mentions leftover pancakes from last night. No thanks, staff. I think I'll go take a nap. Maybe I'll be hungry when I wake up.

6:35 PM. Smelling the scent of bacon in the microwave. The staff is heating up those... oh, boy...

6:36 PM. Coming into kitchen. Yes, the staff is indeed warming up the pancakes. They smell good....

Oh, what harm will one or two more do?

6:45 PM. Staff and I settle down to eating the last of the pancakes. There's bacon in mine. Very good, staff, very good. There's hope for you yet...

7:10 PM. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that second pancake.

7:55 PM. Settling down on couch to doze. Staff joins me and starts scratching behind my ears. I can't resist it when she does that. I start purring....

8:10 PM. Purring away. Staff chatters away about her day.

9:35 PM. Staff watching movie. Content to doze. Might take me a day or two to get back to a proper appetite...

11:05 PM. Staff says tomorrow is another day and starts turning off lights. Very well, staff. Take me upstairs. I'm feeling sleepy. I've only been at rest for three quarters of the day, so I'm behind in my sleep.


  1. What--no Grumpy Cat pics????

    Thor looks a lot different than he did in the movies. Loki must be messing around again.

    Liver in pancakes? Ewwwwwww!

  2. Say, does the American border patrol cat take care of alien kitties trying to sneak into the country? I have a couple who've been talking about immigrating! If they do, they'll need somebody to take care of them, believe me!

  3. The 'Doom - Now in fun size' killed me. :-)

    This is an expose on why I don't trust cats...

  4. The exorcism one and the doom one are cracking me up!

  5. More pancakes? Oh dear. Love the photo with the crepes. LOL

  6. Why is everybody laffin'?
    Jane's cats.

  7. Cat in a top hat! I love it! Oh gosh, wherever do you find these, haha - I love their sweet and imperious faces. They rule their universe:)

  8. Was enjoying all the way down and then laughed out loud at the last pic...been there hahaha! Nice one William.

  9. Hahaha! Love the invisible mummy wrap. You can never have too many funny kitties hanging around. :D

  10. I bet you took that picture of the cat in the snow since you love winter!

  11. @Norma: Grumpy Cat shall be back.

    @Cheryl: only for bribes of catnip

    @EJ: but they're so cute!

    @Kelly: I'm quite partial to the exorcist!

    @Mari: isn't it cute?

    @Eve: I couldn't resist!

    @Jane's Cats: You overlord felines make it easy to be amused!

    @LondonLulu: in lots of different places.

    @Grace: thank you!

    @Diane: they make life worth living.

    @Deb: no, I didn't take the pic, but isn't it such a cute cat?

  12. Poor kitty, stuck at home all day without the staff to wait upon her...

  13. Ha! Getting milk on tap is harder than it sounds!

  14. I love the 'don't disturb until Spring'. I shall try this out some day

  15. @Scarlett and James: yes, it's not fair at all!

    @Lynn: it's definitely a challenge!

    @Angelika: So will I!


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