"Hell, I never vote for anybody. I always vote against." ~ W.C. Fields
"Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel." ~ John Quinton
"Don't vote, it only encourages them." ~ Billy Connolly
"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better just to change the locks." ~ Doug Larson
"And so we had decided that the second in line to the Chief Executive would be called the Vice-President, after dismissing other suggestions such as Junior President, Mini-Prez, and the Congressional Jester. And we were certain that the Vice-President would retain the dignity of the office, and could be counted on to never lose his temper and go shoot someone. Though to be honest, I must admit we should keep an eye on that Aaron Burr. He does tend to get angry easily." ~ John Adams, 1802.
"Mr. President, the Vice-President shot a lawyer in the face." ~ Secret Service Agent, February 13th, 2006.
Well, all things come to an end, good and bad. And so here we are; tomorrow the elections take place south of the border. After what has been an endless ordeal of attack ads, primaries, conventions, and speeches for months on end, there'll finally be an end to it.
Unless the lawyers get involved and appeal everything.
Rumor has it that Dick Cheney, the former Vice-President and Dark Lord of the Sith, who has spent much of the last four years annoying President Obama at every opportunity, has decided to stay quiet this year and spend the day playing a game he hasn't played in quite a long time. Those of you who have read The Most Dangerous Game might know it. Obviously the lawyer he's invited up to his ranch has never read it.
Here at the end, the editorial cartoonists have been racing the clock, down to the wire, presenting their take on the madness that is an election campaign. And check out our joint page, where we're having fun with the theme in a Without A Word blog...
And it is madness. Particularly how the Republican party, in a number of key election battles, seem to have allowed themselves to be hijacked by lunatics who have a profoundly dim view of women (Todd Akin of Missouri, I'm speaking of you) or a complete disregard of basic scientific principles (sorry, Paul Broun, the Earth is in fact much, much older than just a few thousand years of age).
Governor Mittens has been busy fending off the fact checkers, working in vain to persuade voters he's not out of touch, and keeping The Sneer Incarnate (otherwise known as Paul Ryan) quiet.
Oh, and infuriated by a cranky hurricane that took the wind out of his sails while simultaneously wrecking havoc with the Eastern seaboard...
At every turn, President Obama and Governor Mittens have been jockeying for position in the last days leading up to the election. Hurricane Sandy did provide something of an unusual October Surprise (Stephen Colbert suggested that hurricanes may have a liberal bias), allowing the President a chance to be Presidential (even scoring bi-partisan credit with Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who months ago told GOP organizers to go away and leave him alone), whilst throwing a monkey wrench into the Mittens campaign...
Tomorrow is the big day. We all know who this guy will be voting for...
Though in fairness, C. Montgomery is a much warmer guy than the Mittbot 2000.
With that, to my American friends, get out there and vote. Seriously, we're all counting on you not to let a repeat of the Florida debacle of 2000 to ever happen again. I leave you until next time (when this had better be settled) with one final thought.
The first pundit who utters the words dangled chads will be throttled.